


Kibo ✶ Poe Dameron x Reader

by S_is_bored



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Implied) Princess Reader, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, BB-8 Ships It, BB-8 is adorable, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But lots of plot, C-3PO Is Annoying In The Best Way, Domestic Fluff, F/M, First Order, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Visions, Force-Sensitive Reader, Han Solo Dies, Han Solo Needs A Hug, Heartbreaking, Implied Sexual Content, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kinda, Lightsaber, Mental Health Issues, Millennium Falcon - Freeform, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Padme Comes In A Dream, Past Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron Being a Little Shit, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Probably Will Have An Alternative Ending To TROS, Quick Burn, Reader Has Issues, Resistance, Rey Is The Best Friend, Romantic Fluff, Scars, Shara Bey's Ring, Starts Just Before TFA, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, X-Wing(s), You Are A Pilot, poe is a great boyfriend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 73,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_is_bored/pseuds/S_is_bored
Summary: Y/N is a girl who is desperately trying to run away from her past and will do anything make them nightmares stop. But what if medications and meditations are exactly the opposite to what she needs. When she meets Poe Dameron, she is instantly infatuated but her training strictly says that love is forbidden among the Jedi so whilst trying to hide away from her murderous brother, Poe tries insatiably to win her over.But will it all crumble when her brother finds out she's alive after so long?Also on Wattpad: @Toffee_Vodka_Shots !!
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader, Poe Dameron/You
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	1. 1 - The Calm

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my current fic that I'm writing and I actually found that I prefer the formatting on AO3 to the one on Wattpad so I decided to do you all a favour and put this on here too! It currently (as I type this) has 20k reads which is INSANE, but I hope you who use this platform like it just as much as the ones who use the other!

**_ Chapter 1 _ **

"Mom, you aren't really sending us away are you?" my older brother shouts loudly, losing a temper I never knew he had.

"You both know it's for the best and-" our dear mother gets cut off by myself, whom had been silent for far too long.

"Mom!" I exclaim, catching her attention quickly considering that I was the quiet one out of her children. "This isn't what _we_ want. You and dad want us to control whatever power we may have and I understand that but you don't have to send us away!"

"Y/N, don't shout at your mother like that," My dad scolds me as he enters our lounge room after hearing all the commotion.

"Here he is," my brother rolls his eyes at my father.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he snaps back, getting closer to him.

"Well you know, you leave for months at a time even when we were kids and now - when you have decided out of nowhere to send us away - you reappear?"

"Hey, boy, I _do_ have a job and this was not an easy decision! Your powers are getting stronger everyday and even I can feel it and I don't even have them! We just want you to be able to control them before you don't know how to anymore and it becomes dangerous," his voice goes quiet. I can tell that my brother's comment about his lack of time with us has upset him and that can be told without using the force.

I can't deny that they have a point - everyone knows what happened when my grandfather couldn't control the darkness in him. "Yeah, I'm sorry I shouted mom. You're both right," i say as I step towards them allowing my parents to come to me and stare hopefully at my brother.

"Are you kidding!" he shouts at me, making me flinch.

"Ben!" my parents both yell at him for his actions.

"No, this is ridiculous! I can't believe you're on their side, Y/N,"

"I'm not on anyone's side. I just know that this is the best thing for us and I didn't see that at first but now I have thought about it and it is," I tell him, reaching a hand out to his shoulder. He slaps it away harshly and storms off upstairs to his room to undoubtedly sulk in his own despair.

I rub my hand as it starts to turn a deep red colour. "Are you ok? Leia, go talk to him, he'll only get angry with me," my dad says as he turns his focus to me with a sigh. My mom nods and heads up the stairs of our large home to try and talk some sense into Ben.

"Dad?" I grab his attention to my face. "I'm scared,"

"Me too, sweetie. Me too," he pulls me close to his chest, almost as if he's too petrified i'll start to float away like Ben has been.

I jump a little as I hear the shouts coming from upstairs and snuggle further into my dad for comfort. He is truly my best friend.

Mom comes back into the lounge where we haven't moved since she left and shakes her head sadly. "Y/N, can you give me and your dad a minute alone? We need to talk,"

I nod and exit the room but I only hide around the corner, blocking my mind barriers whilst I do so incase my mother tries to feel me nearby. I hear them sit on the white couch and sigh together.

"He knows that he doesn't have a choice but he definitely isn't happy about it," mom says to my dad, gaining a hum in response. "Obi-Wan told me that this was what happened with my father and now I'm terrified, Han! What if we lose our boy?"

"Then we deal with the consequences then but Luke will prove to him that this is a good idea and he will thank us for it in the future when he becomes a great Jedi master,"

"But he hurt her! He has never raised his voice at her, never mind harmed her in any way!"

"And I can tell you now that he will be beating himself up for it this minute and he will come down later and apologise profusely. He's a good kid, Leia, I know that much. He loves his sister,"

It's silent for a little while but I hear them kiss and I gag silently. As much as I hope for a relationship like my parent's in the future - this is definitely my cue to leave. I run up to my room as silently as I can and open my notebook on my desk to start writing a diary entry which is something I never do but I just have a feeling that this is the right thing to do.

_Dear Diary, in all honesty I have no idea what I am doing. Today was the first time Ben has ever actually hurt me - even if it was only a little. He scared me. Mom and Dad are the smartest people I know and I know they're right by choosing to send us to Luke for training. I don't know why Ben can't see that. He's four years older than I am and sometimes you would think he is still a toddler with the tantrums he has rather than a whole ass sixteen year old. Anyways, I doubt I'll ever actually open this notebook again to write another one of these but I just needed to take my mind off of everything for a little bit; even if that is only two minutes. Bye, i guess?_

_Y/N Solo-Organa._


	2. 2 - Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Ben leave to Luke's Jedi academy where things are seemingly great...

**_ Chapter 2 _ **

Today was the day. Me and Ben were leaving to train with uncle Luke and I will admit - I'm more excited than I think I ever have been.

Ben on the other hand, was not. He had locked himself in his state of a room whenever he wasn't eating or working out in the gym. But dad was right, he did come to my room and apologise. Continuously. For hours. I was the one who had to push the other out of my room and not the other way round like it normally is.

I hear a knock as I finish putting on my robes that were sent over by Luke to our home in Naboo. "Yeah?" I respond to the knock.

"Can I come in?" my dad asks through the metal door, making his voice slightly muffled but still recognisable.

"Sure, come in," he enters hesitantly with his hands over his eyes. "What are you doing?" I giggle at my father as he stumbles around.

"Isn't it a-a thing? Like in a wedding when you can't see the bride before they get married?" he questions, making me laugh. "I'm taking that as a no,"

He uncovers his eyes and checks me over before placing his hand over his mouth. "Your mother is going to sob when she sees you I can already tell," he laughs as he kneels down to my height. "You're so grown up, tiger,"

"Shut up dad!" I feel a blush rising to my cheeks as I hide behind a stern face.

"What? Am I not allowed to feel proud of my only baby girl?" he acts offended with his arms crossed over his chest but laughs before extending his arms out. "Come here kiddo,"

I run into an embrace with him, temporarily taking the air out of his lungs. "I'll miss you dad,"

"And I'll miss you too, peanut. You'll be back before you can say Jedi master,"

"But dad, to become a Jedi master I have to successfully train my own padawan and i'm only 12," I retort with a smirk as I look up at him. He rolls his eyes in response but smiles and strokes my cheek kindly.

"Ok you smartass, let's get downstairs before your mother tears out her hair with your brother being a nuisance," I nod to him and we walk down to a chorus of loud voices could be heard. "Told you,"

"Ben, seriously go get dressed or else I will shave your head and I know how much you love your hair," Mom threatens making me and Dad burst out laughing. She turns to us where we are stood in the doorway, upon seeing me in my robes her eyes begin to gloss over. "Oh my goodness, Y/N! You look so beautiful!"

"Told you she would cry," dad makes me laugh as mom scolds him with just a look, making him retreat slightly.

This is the moment I notice Ben give me a glare of anger before he silently storms out to get changed out of his everyday clothes and into his Jedi robes from Luke as well. "Ignore him, he's still in a mood," Mom rolls her eyes and stares at me for a little longer before pulling me in for a tight hug, not allowing my arms to move at the sides. "Why do you have to grow up so fast?"

"Because that's how time works, mom," I giggle slightly as my dad snickers from behind me.

"I'm going to miss you being my rock in this household, Y/N. Now I have to deal with your Dad's mood swings all by myself,"

"Hey!" Dad scoffs with an offended tone as he shakes his head. Mom doesn't respond,she only holds me tighter.

"Um, Mom?" I strain from lack of air. "You're killing me,"

She quickly comes back to reality and loosens her grip on me. "Sorry baby, I just don't know if I'm ready to let you go so soon,"

"I'll still be with uncle Luke who you know will protect both of us from anything," I remind her as she nods.

"Yeah, he does love you like his own," she says to either herself or me, I can't quite tell.

"But Jedis aren't supposed to love; never mind a master Jedi," I question her which she responds to with a light chuckle.

"Well, some rules are made to be broken. Luke loves you, and Ben, and me and your dad," she tells me the information I already knew in the back of my head. "He might be a master Jedi but that never stopped him from loving anyone,"

"I don't think I'm going to find someone to love," I state nonchalantly.

"Good," dad responds dryly earning him once again, another glare from mom.

"Why's that baby? Anyone would be lucky to have you," mom tries to comfort me but I really don't need comforting.

"Because I want to be a master Jedi, mom. Even if Luke loves us he isn't _in love_ with us and he doesn't let himself get lead by his emotions which is why he's so great," I explain to her. She laughs and shakes her head.

"My love, I hope someday you see past that and realise that sometimes," she locks eyes with my dad. "Being in love with someone is one of the best things you will ever get to experience in your life,"

I look at them as they stare at each other. _Maybe she's right?_ No, part of being a Jedi is following all the rules that have been in place for hundreds of years. Oh well. It's a small price to pay for greatness.

In this moment, Ben comes down and into the lounge; grimacing and rolling his eyes as he sees my parent's current stature.

"Ben, come on now," Mom starts again, not completely taking her eyes off of my dad. "I want to get a picture of the two of you before you go,"

She claps her hands excitedly as she runs to get her camera type device that she has had for far too long. Me and Ben get into place in front of the door, where we are told to stand every time mom asks for a picture with the two of us. She focuses the device and gestures for us both to smile, which I do but Ben doesn't.

"Can we just go now? Better to get it over and done with," he grumbles loudly with a hand on the door handle.

"Yes, go. Go!" mom jumps a little with anticipation of her _little_ ones going off. Ben swings the door open harshly and walks headfirst towards the ship that Luke had sent to escort us to the island. "Try and keep him stable, Y/N?" she asks of me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, of course now can you let me go? I really wanna get there and start training," she nods with a laugh and takes her hand off of my shoulder. I run towards the ship, waving them a final goodbye before the hatch closed and it was only me and Ben on the small ship. It went into hyperspace and we were staring at a beautiful mainly green planet with small specks of blue dotted around. Yavin 4 is what my mother told me it was called.

However, we were dropped off at the one section of the planet that was mainly blue and had little amounts of green. Luke always did like his privacy.

The hatch opens and Luke greets us both with a wide smile, me with a hug and Ben with a slap on the back. "Am I glad to finally see your faces around here," he says as he begins to walk us to the huge temple at the top of the hill.

"Yay," Ben cheers sarcastically, making Luke laugh.

"You're just like your dad, do you know that?" he responds to Ben's remark, making his face turn stone cold in response. _He definitely isn't himself right now._

We chat for longer as he leads us into the temple where a small group of older and younger padawans are sat, awaiting their master and us - the newest arrivals.

"Everyone, this is Y/N and Ben," he introduces us briefly. "My niece and nephew,"

The final bit of information leads the group into a small gasp as they realise whom we come from. This is the one bit about meeting new people I hate.

After a moment of silence the group erupts into chatter, questions upon questions being thrown wildly at us. "Ok, calm down everyone!" Luke's voice booms around the temple. "You can ask questions later on if they're willing to answer them but in the meantime they need to be shown to their rooms. Any volunteers?" everyone's hand shoots up which makes me chuckle slightly but Ben just rolls his eyes. "Ok, Kaiya and Jessa can show Y/N to her shared quarters and Malika and Seymo show Ben, please?"

Four of the group stand up quickly, the two girls quickly coming to you with slightly anxious eyes but wide smiles nonetheless. "Come on, you're with us," The taller of the two girls says as she links her arms with mine.

"I'm Kaiya," the shorter blonde girl introduces herself. "That's Jessa,"

"Y/N," I smile back to them as we walk up the hill to the shared rooms. "How old are you guys?"

"Well, I am 16 but Kaiya here is only 12," Jessa said as she smiles down at me.

"Cool! I'm 13 but I hope we can be friends?" I ask them hopefully. Truthfully, i've never had proper friends before; everyone seems to use me to meet my parents so I don't know who I can trust.

"Of course! Everyone is really good friends here, we are a pack," The tall brunette unlinks our arms to open the door to the shared room. "Home sweet home,"

I look around the long room with about ten bunk beds all next to each other with two chests at the bottom of each one. The lights flicker on and the room is freezing but still humid but I don't care, I'm here with my people.

They show me to my bunk which just so happens to be the one above Jessa. We all climb onto my bed and joke about for a while until the other girls enter to go to bed but that is exactly the opposite to what they decide to do. They all gather around the bed and start to frantically ask questions about everything. "Force guys! One question at a time!" Kaiya exclaims, throwing a hush around the room before the first hand comes up.

"Why are you here?" one of the younger girls asks.

"Because I have a power like the rest of you and it was best for my uncle to teach me as my mom and dad aren't exactly Jedi masters," I answer before getting the next question.

"Do you have a saber?"

"I have the handle but not the crystal so technically? No,"

"What is it like being the kid of two of the most amazing people in the galaxy?"

"Annoying because a lot of people use me for them but if anything it's exactly like you guys and your parents,"

"Do you have a droid?"

"Yes but he hasn't been turned on for years,"

"Do you live in a palace?"

"Kinda?"

"What does that mean?"

"Well palaces are supposed to hold current royals in it but even though we are direct descendants of royal Naboo - we aren't running royals of the planet. We still live in the house, we just don't run the planet,"

"How powerful are you?"

"I don't exactly know yet,"

"Why is your brother so hot?"

"Ignoring that one, next please?"

"Are you going to turn bad like your grandfather?"

There was an awkward, pregnant pause as they all awaited my answer which should've been answered through common sense. Thankfully however, Jessa steps in before I get too upset - knowing that this might be a little bit of a sensitive topic for my family.

"Ok, question time over. Bed time, come on chop chop!" she claps her hands with authority as she is the eldest one here.

There is a chorus of groans coming from the girls as they all go to their beds and tuck themselves in.

_I have a feeling that this is going to be a long trip._


	3. 3 - The Massacre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything crashes and burns... literally.

**_ Chapter 3  _ **

Me and Ben had been training with Luke for three years now and I don't think it could've gone better. Luke says I am only one step away from becoming a Jedi master and next year, I can have my own padawan to train.

Me and Kaiya are still best friends but Jessa left two years ago when she outgrew the training. She didn't want to become a Jedi master. Kaiya and I think that she met a boy and that's why she left - so she could freely love but still have the power of a Jedi. Not for me, thank you very much.

Ben had been getting more and more distant over the years we have been here and I think that it's the lack of our parents seeing us. They send holograms and letters but it's still not enough for him.

He wasn't violent though, just quiet. He excluded himself from everyone. There was some nights when I would awake in the very early hours and see him walking about the island, seemingly talking to himself. It scared me a bit.

In these last couple of weeks, however, I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes it would get so strong that I would get the urge to throw up or I would get dizzy. Kaiya said that I had maybe just come down with something but Luke could feel it too - he would never tell me that but he seems to forget that I am possibly the strongest one here with the force.

It wasn't until one night, when I was having dinner with Luke when the feeling stopped. For both of us. The feeling of the twists leaving my stomach was so overpowering that I drop my fork which had some kind of meat on it. Luke gives me a wide eyed, almost frightened look. One that I had never seen cross his face before.

It was silent for about a minute until a heart wrenching, deafening scream of a young boy rang throughout the whole of the island. "Ben," we both say breathlessly as we realise what has happened. He's followed the path of Anakin.

"Run, and don't look back. Not for anyone or anything," He stands up from his seated position suddenly and his breaths get heavy and shaky all at once. "Go to the hut at the end of the island, lock yourself in with the force and don't answer to anyone. Not until you know they're gone,"

I nod and have full intentions to go but my legs won't move. There is the sound of a ship landing on the island, approximately a mile away from Luke's home where we are. "I love you, Uncle Luke," I pull him into a quick hug but he only briefly returns it.

"I love you too, Y/N but i'm being serious you have to go. That isn't Ben anymore and he won't stand down, not for you and not for anyone," he explains with slightly glossy eyes which I tear myself away from and begin to run until my legs can't possibly run anymore.

That point just so happens to be the hut, a mile away from Luke's house. I enter the hut and instantly throw my force at the door before trying to catch my breath and hiding behind a small stack of crates.

I sit waiting for about an hour, listening to the screams, the please and the cries of the padawans before I hear footsteps approaching. With tear stained cheeks, I find myself whimpering a little but I refuse to make a noise. Instead, I focus everything in me on keeping that door closed.

There's a rattling on the handle of the hut and I keep calm. _Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale_. "No one in here sir, doors locked," The voice of a stormtrooper says from outside the hut.

"Try again. She has to be somewhere," A monotone, robotic version of my brother's voice replies before I push the force even stronger on the lock. _Don't get distracted, Y/N. This is life and death._

"Sir, do you maybe think she has escaped? We couldn't find Luke Skywalker's ship, maybe she left with hi-" the same trooper from before is interrupted and his voice is quickly replaced with the sound of gagging and choking.

Suddenly, the struggling stops and there is a thud on the floor and I feel my lip start to quiver as I realise how close I am to my fate. It's sealed now. This is how I am going to go.

Keeping my focus on the lock, I also put my training to the test and block my mind barriers in case he tries to see me. And just in time as well.

"I can't feel her anywhere," Ben states robotically. "She's gone,"

There is a pause in any movement but not in my power. That is until all of the footsteps retreat back over to where there is undoubtedly a huge destruction and death. I count the pairs of feet. 4. There were four people there, all on the dark side and ready to kill me. Counting the one that my brother killed mercilessly, five.

Another hour goes by and I can feel myself starting to get weary but as I feel myself starting to get dizzy and start slipping away, I am quickly brought back to my current duty by the loud sound of a ship leaving the island.

Keeping my mind barriers blocked, I stand and look out of the window - seeing the large scale command shuttle leaving the planet and entering into hyperspace. I let down my guard and immediately feel faint. Before everything goes black, I take a last look at the burning temple and the bright orange skyline from the rest of the island.

And then it's gone.

*****

Jolting awake, I hear a ship land. My breath quickens and I quickly put up my barriers in the thought of it being Ben returning to finish what he started with me.

Shaking, I focus on my barrier and stuff myself into the corner of the freezing hut. Even if I'm a whole mile away from the main camp, the next thing I heard was undeniably one of the worst sounds I have ever had to hear in my life.

A scream. A cry of anguish and suffering. A scream coming from no one other than my mother. A scream that would normally make me and to curl up in a ball and cry but now makes me feel a wave of relief. They're here and I can escape.

Even though I feel the relief of their arrival is there, I feel more tears come to my eyes and they fall; not stopping anytime soon.

More loud cries can be heard from over the hills and I exit the hut, letting down my barriers. As I start to run I can hear the crying stop and a loud "Y/N?" coming from my dad.

I don't stop running. My lungs are burning but I won't stop until I can see the tip of the ship, proving that the crying of my mother, Princess Leia, and the desperate shouts of my father, Han Solo, aren't a figment of my imagination.

I reach the top of the hill, truly seeing the destruction my brother has caused for the first time. I shake my head and look down into the bottom of the hill where my mom is sat still with puffy, red, tear stained eyes as she is held closely by my dad, whom looks as though he's trying to stay strong for mom but is about to break apart at any second.

"Mom?" I whisper to myself but she obviously either heard or felt me there because she quickly turns to where I'm stood on the top of the hill. "Dad?" I shout a little louder.

He snaps his head to me and they scramble up from the floor and immediately start to sprint up the steep hill. I return the action by almost falling down the hill with the speed I am going at.

The three of us meet in the middle and stay at a stand still for a moment. With heavy breaths, I burst into more tears and they engulf me into the first embrace we have shared in three years. We collapse onto the burnt grass floor and hold onto each other like we would never let go.

"I thought w-we lost you, baby," Mom sobs into my hair as she kisses me desperately. "I tried to see you but I-I couldn't, Y/N. I couldn't see you,"

"I had my barriers up. I was scared that it was Ben coming back to find me,"

"Did he hurt you? I'll kill him," Dad pulls away and looks me over as he holds onto my face, protectively stroking my cheek.

"He didn't I'm fine," I pause with a teary smile. "He wanted to though. Ben wanted to hurt me,"

"We won't let him, you're safe now my love," Mom holds me tighter and closer, almost on her lap.

We bask in each other's love for a little while but a thought comes to my head which terrifies me. "Mom, where's uncle Luke?"

"He got away. We don't know where to but he did and he's safe as well," She replies softly as dad kisses my head. "Come, let's get out of this place,"

I nod and we all stand up, my parents either side of me. The hold my hands so I don't have to look at the destruction around me. Keeping my eyes on the floor, I can already smell the burnt flesh and wood from the carnage.

However, in a split second decision I decide to face my fears head first and look up to the damage that has been done. There's one thing I see before anything else.

_Kaiya._

I stop, my breathing getting heavy once again as she stares in my direction with cold eyes. A singular tear rolls down my face before

Everything

Goes

Black. 


	4. 4 - Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years later and the images of that fateful night are still burned in your memory. But someone comes along and she starts to question all of your previous beliefs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Nightmares and PTSD

**_ Chapter 4 _ **

I toss and turn every night. Kaiya's dead eyes burn into my soul as I sleep. And that was 10 years ago. What 26 year old woman still wakes up shaking and screaming in the middle of the night? Me. That's who.

I've tried to fix myself, trust me I have. Nothing seems to work. I have medications, therapy, weighted blankets - the whole shabang but still nothing works.

After the whole _incident_ , mom started to run the new resistance in the hope of overthrowing the first order that my brother just so happens to be in charge of. There hasn't really been much development in a long time but people know we are here and that we are always looking for help.

The one thing I want to do is go on a mission. Mom point blank refused to let me go on one and it was starting to annoy me. I do everything here, the medical wards, comming to pilots on their mission, assisting my mother when she needs it but that's never enough. I can fly an x-wing and I want to use it so badly. And i'm a hell of a good pilot even if I do say so myself.

My days now normally start with a shower at 4:00 am - due to that being the time I tend to get awaken at by my nightmares. Then I mope around my room for three hours, normally excessively cleaning, until the mess hall opens for breakfast. There I sit by myself reading a book in the corner and a slice of toast in my hands. Then I go to my mother and she gives me a job to do and I go and do it for the rest of the day before going to sleep, waking up and redoing the whole routine once again.

This morning I got an even earlier start, 3:25 am! wow, I really won the lottery on my brain didn't I? I get into the shower and let the water run down my body as its temperature change from hot to cold and hot again. There must be very few people having showers meaning that I get the hot water from the base. Not that there is a shortage or anything.

As I let the conditioner rest in my hair I also let my mind take over and I find myself standing back on the training camp and the destruction has already been done.

_"Kaiya?" I shout through the wreckages. "Are you ok?"_

_Only the crackling of dying fires make the sound on the planet, making me feel a sense of unease but also calm. "Y/N?" I spin around and there's my blonde best friend standing as though she had never been hurt by anyone, just as scared as I am._

_But then I blink. And she's back on the floor, cowering as my brother approaches her with his red saber. "Ben please don't do this," she panics as he stalks her shaking body. "This isn't who you are,"_

_"Ben is dead, long gone," he replies menacingly. "Kylo Ren is strong. The first order will win and every Jedi shall die. I will be omnipotent,"_

_"You're just a coward, Ben. The light is the way-" the saber pierces straight through her chest and gasps, tears falling quickly down her consistently rosy cheeks. "Ben," she strains as she looks down to the hole under her collarbone._

_She drops and takes her last breath. "Kaiya!" I screech painfully. Kylo twitches as though he heard me but he couldn't have. This is a dream._

_I run to her lifeless body and go to pick her up but she turns to nothing. As though she was never here. I feel myself crying loudly and that's when I come to reality._

I snap out of the image, finding myself on my knees in the shower as if I was actually there. I feel my eyes sting with tears but quickly wipe them away.

I notice that the water has turned a freezing cold and I jump up rapidly to warm myself up with the warm towel waiting for me in the heated cupboard. I look at the small clock on the counter and feel shocked when I see that I have been in that shower for longer than I normally am. 5:37. _Maybe I did use up all of the base's hot water. Oops._

I quickly clean all my counters, wipe any dust, do any laundry, anything that will take my mind off of these horrid images.

That's when it comes to me, as I sweep the floor of my ensuite room. The last time I had images during the day was the day my parents told me they were splitting up. Does this mean that something big is going to happen? Or am I just thinking into it too much?

I shake my head and get changed into an off white jumper that proudly wears the resistance badge on the arm, a pair of black leggings and some boots I wear everyday. I hate not having a uniform, I stick out like a sore thumb and that's exactly what I don't want.

Everyone on base knows that Leia has a daughter on the base but as far as I know, very few people know it's me. That was my decision, I don't want to be treated differently because of who I am related to. Mom has respected that decision but now it's her that treats me differently by not allowing me to do what I want on the base. I just tell people that I'm an all activity person so i'm just where I need to be when they need me instead of _my mother, general Organa, is overly protective and won't let me do what I want to so I am wasting my time here when nobody really wants me here._

I hear the distant bell go off, indicating that the mess hall is open. I grab the book I am currently reading off my bedside table and leave to get my fill. I get to the hall and queue like everyone else with my tray that holds the book about flowers over the galaxy. I intend to try and find all of them and press them into the book as I get them. Currently my favourite one is the Kibo flower and that also happens to be one of the only ones I haven't got yet.

The line doesn't seem to be getting any shorter so I open the book for what seems like a second before someone walks right into the back of me. I turn around with wide eyes to be met with someone I've never met on base before.

He has deep brown eyes that glisten like the Ewok's honey when they hit the sun at the right angle, A pearly white smile that was currently hidden by plump pink lips, olive skin that has turned a slight shade of crimson over the bridge of his ever so slightly crooked nose and brown locks that I instantly want to run my hands through. He is wearing a dark top that was baggy around the bottom but comfortably tight around the top of his chest, a pair of black pants and boots and an obviously worn brown jacket with a red shoulder that I couldn't help but wonder the story behind. There is one word to describe this man and that word is _wow_.

"Oh my god, I-I am so sorry," I apologise as he swallows harshly. "I wasn't focusing and-"

"It's ok, happens to the best of us," he chuckles, showing off his perfectly straight teeth. "I haven't seen you around here before, are you new?"

I laugh at his question before I realise he's being serious. "You must not be in the medical wing very often then," I state with a smile.

"Come on! You're holding up the line, go flirt somewhere else!" one of the guys behind us in a pilot's uniform complains. The man in front of me rolls his eyes before turning to the pilot.

"Ok Snap, chill out," he moves his head to gesture me to move down the line that seems to have sped up quite quickly since we stopped. "Until later," He winks at me as I turn and get my breakfast - the classic toast and coffee.

I go to my corner at the table that is always designanted and sit cross legged on the seat, opening my book again as I do so. I pick up the slice of toast and start reading on the rare and wonderful flowers that inhabit our galaxy. That is until a shuffling comes from across the table. With my teeth about to crunch into the crispy bread, I look up to the person whom has decided to sit opposite me in my corner. It's him.

"I did say until later," He places his tray on the table. "Later is now,"

"Ok?" I shake my head and loom back down at my book as I take a mouthful of my toast.

"So you work on the medical wing?" he strikes up a slightly uncomfortable conversation but all my nerves were washed away as he looks up at me with his brown orbs.

"Yep but I'm everywhere basically," I tell him as I take a sip of my coffee. "What about you?"

"I'm a pilot," I feel a little envious of his role but I nod in response anyways.

There is a slightly awkward silence for a moment before I see him looking up over the top of my book, which I then tilt away from him. "You like flowers?" he asks me, making me sigh. _He's obviously a chatty person._

"Yeah, I like collecting them," I look up at him to make sure he isn't just playing with me and is really not that interested but he actually seems to be listening. "Why are you here, flyboy?"

"So we're already on nickname basis? I think this relationship might be going a little to quick for me-" he indicates for me to tell him my name and I'm a little hesitant but I continue.

"Y/N,"

"Well Y/N, a pretty name for an even prettier girl," I blush deeply at his compliment but hide it by covering his view with the book. "Now I need to find a nickname for you, which is your favorite flower?"

"The kibo," I reply as I lower the book, feeling my cheeks cooling down. "It's one of the only ones I don't have,"

"They come from my home planet," he nods in satisfaction but I close my eyes to stop my brain from going insane again.

"Yavin 4?" I ask with now open eyes and raised eyebrows. He nods with another award winning smile. "Why does that place always come back to haunt me?" I mumble, hoping that if he heard me he doesn't take offence to it.

"I think we have found you a new nickname then, Kibo," the new name catches me off guard and I find myself staring at him with slightly widened eyes.

"I might have to find you a new one then Flyboy, mine isn't that impressive," I shoot him a small, short grin. I look at the big digital clock above the bar which reads 7:42. I have to meet with my mom at 8:00 so I drink all of my now cooler coffee - which makes me gag discretely- and pick up my toast to eat on the way as I place my own tray under his so he can take it.

I turn to leave but he clears his throat, catching my attention. "You didn't ask for my name, Kibo," he tilts his head to the side like a happy puppy.

I shake my head and sigh. "Go on then, what's your name?"

"Poe," He holds his hand out for me to shake. "Poe Dameron," I shake his outstretched hand and get a little electric shock but place it all down to the flooring. However, the contact makes me let go of a breath I didn't even know I was holding in and it feels like for the first time in ten years, Kaiya's face hasn't lingered in my mind.

"Nice to meet you, Poe. Hope to see you around again," the hand shake turns into us both just holding hands and it doesn't even feels awkward. "Just not if it's in the medical ward and I have to save your life,"

"Don't jinx it, Y/N," we mutually let go of the other's hand and I go to leave but he starts again. "Do I get a last name or are you just Y/N?"

"For now?" I decide to mess with him a little because I know he'll never know if I don't tell him. "That's for me to know and for you to find out,"

I smile to myself as I hear a group of guys cheering a little and throwing compliments at Poe as I walk out of the mess hall.

I wanted to tell Poe that I wasn't exactly who everyone thought I was, I really did but I just couldn't. Not yet.

I walk to my mother's command office and enter by scanning my finger on the pad. I wait for the door to properly close before starting. "Hey mom," I say as the door shuts and the automatic lock clicks.

"Y/N are you ok?" She asks, standing up from her desk and rushing over to me.

"What?" I laugh a little as she rubs my arms.

"You seem to forget that we have rooms next to each other," she tilts her head up to get a better look at my face. "It was 4:00 am today, my love. You were screaming. Is everything ok?"

I nod but I can feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. She frowns delicately and I shake my head, falling into her embrace. "No it's not, I can't stop the images and it hurts mom! It really, really hurts,"

"I know and we will try everything we can to help you stop them but for now you have to be strong! Go out with your friends, chill out for a bit, go on a few dates-"

"Mom," I cut her off with a serious look.

"I am well aware that you won't date because you want to be a Jedi master or something but as harsh as it is, Y/N, that isn't going to happen," she tells me matter-of-factly. "You won't find anyone to train successfully and keep them safe before your," she swallows harshly. "Your brother gets to them,"

I nod at her. I know she's right, she always is. "Hmm" I mumble back. Maybe I should let myself go a little bit.

"And I want grandkids before I die and you're 26 now and haven't ever gone on a date," she laughs as she is making fun of me.

"Hey that's mean," I shake my head and sit on her desk. She glares at me and I quickly transfer myself from the desk to the seat.

"But true! And you never know, maybe your padawan could be your own child," I shake my head as I roll my eyes with a small laugh. "Some rules were made to be broken,"

"But what successful Jedi master has been in love?" I question her morals.

"Believe it or not, but Luke was," I am caught extremely off-guard by this new information.

"But he's the one who told all of us that being in love would be our weakness," My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

"He met a girl about two years after the death star was destroyed and not long after your father and I married," She stops but I urge her desperately to continue. "He was so in love with her and they got engaged and everything. She died about a month after he proposed and heartbroken doesn't even cover the basis of how he felt. That's why he's so against love, he just thinks that everyone ends up getting hurt,"

"Oh," I whisper more to myself than to mom.

"So," she continues. "Got anyone on your mind right now?"

Poe. He was the first thing that came to mind but I would never let her know that. I find myself thinking about his smile and his brown locks that droop into his eyes slightly but I snap out of it to meet eyes with my mother.

"No one," I flash a grin at her before standing up.

"I'm your mother, Y/N. I always find out these things," she raises her eyebrow at me as she sits at her desk and gestures for me to leave. "We always do. Now, you're in the medical ward today. There might be a few in after a small mission".


	5. 5 - Injured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain Pilot gets injured and you take it upon yourself to make him feel the most comfortable...

_** Chapter 5 ** _

Stepping out of the office I notice a newly familiar face giving me a confused stare. "What is it, Poe?"

"Are you in trouble or something?" He smirks from over one of the desks in the command centre.

"Nope, just getting my job for today," I tell him with a small smile. "You?"

"Called in for a meeting, I'm a little early. As you can see," he gestures to the virtually empty room, making me giggle. _Giggle? What the hell is wrong with you Y/N! Jedis don't giggle. They also don't develop instant crushes on pilots but here I am anyways._

"Going on that secret mission?" I ask with a raised brow.

"Did Leia tell you about that?" he questions me. I quickly notice my mistake as why would the general tell a nobody like me about a secret mission.

"Well she put me in charge of the medical wing today and just said to expect some from a mission but she didn't say what it was, so I just guessed that it was a secret," I recover my mistake, attempting to not look too bothered by it. "Well Flyboy, I better get to work. Hope to not see you later,"

"Well that's just rude, Y/N," he actually looks offended but _I know_ that's just his game.

"I'm in the medical wing, Poe. Don't want to see you there," I wink at him as I turn to leave the meeting room. "Don't die!" I exclaim jokingly as the door closes behind me.

"No promises!" He shouts back through the closed door, an obvious chuckle in his voice.

I lean against the metal wall for a moment to regain my mentality. Do I really like Poe Dameron? A man whom I know nothing about except that he is a pilot and comes from the one place I never want to return to, not to mention the fact that I literally met him an hour ago.

"Hey Y/N," A few people say as they start to fill up the meeting room, I take that as my cue to leave and go to the changing rooms in the medic ward.

Changing into my scrubs, I check the holopad placed on the wall to see what there is to deal with today. A few vital checks, drip changes and dressing changes but other than that, nothing. I sigh, knowing that this is probably going to be a long ass day.

I exit the changing rooms and get straight to doing what I need to, some familiar faces and some not among the very few patients.

Hours go by before we actually get any action. The alarm blares in the ward, telling us to prepare for incoming patients. I don't even get a chance to look at their profiles before three are rushed in on stretchers. I go to the first one available, a pilot with a black and orange helmet who keeps insisting that he is fine. The black helmet indicates that he is a commander, hence why I will have to give him a little extra attention to keep my mother happy.

"Now what has happened here?" I ask the assistant that brought him in.

"Mild concussion, bruised ribs, head injury that will need stitches and a first degree burn on his side," the younger girl tells me before I nod her away. The man has gone quiet which makes my job easier considering the hectic environment that has evolved around us.

"Didn't expect to see you here, Kibo," the man, whom I have now been able to identify, chuckles with a groan as he winces with pain. He slowly lifts off his helmet and my suspicions are confirmed.

"Poe you idiot!" I sigh as I start looking around his head for the wound, lo and behold a relatively large gash behind his ear.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," he smirks as I scowl at him.

"I told you that I directly didn't want to see you here today but here you are!" I shake my head as I look over his laid down state. "I need you to take off your top,"

"Taking this relationship quite quickly aren't you, Kibo?" He attempts to move but the air gets knocked out of his lungs from the pain. He slides back down the bed and nods. "Yeah, that's fine,"

"I know it is," I roll my eyes and help with unzipping his flight suit and now it's my turn to get the air knocked out of my lungs - and keep your dirty thoughts to yourself because it wasn't due to his smoking hot body but rather the giant bruise and burn on each side of his ribs. "Force Poe, what happened?"

"It was going fine but then as we were about to contact base to tell them we were coming back we got surrounded by TIE fighters and I turned into a full on fight. People died, Y/N, people from the resistance and I was leading the mission,"

"It wasn't your fault, Poe," I comfort the obviously upset man on the table who is twitching at my every touch. "They're strong as well and not everyone can be as great as you,"

"So you think I'm great?" I start to sterilise his burn, making him wince sharply.

"Just jumping to conclusions, Flyboy. Not everyone gets given their own squadron, custom coloured x-wing and helmet," I start to wipe away the blood from around the burn gently. "Which reminds me, why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't want you to see me as commander Poe Dameron, leader of the black squadron. I just wanted you to see me as any other of the many pilots," he says as he takes deep breaths to ignore the pain coming from his entire body - I'm guessing.

"Fair enough," I shut myself up and continue to work on his blistering side.

He chuckles to himself, making me look up at him from my crouched position. "You're cute when you concentrate, did you know that,"

"Poe, stop flirting with Y/N and let her do her job," I hear my mother's voice from the other side of the bed.

My eyes widen at her sudden arrival and Poe looks between the two of us. "Of course General Organa-" his voice trails off and he takes a longer look between the two of us before his eyes pop out and his jaw drops. "Oh my god you're-"

I quickly shove my hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. "Poe, shut the hell up," He nods slightly, I raise my hand hesitantly off of his lips.

"You're the secret daughter?" He whispers. Mom and I share a look and I already know she's right. No point keeping it a secret, just keep it on the downlow.

I sigh and go back to dressing his side. "Yeah, I am but don't go around spreading the word like the plague,"

"I wouldn't do that," He scoffs as I stand up again from finishing the dressing.

"We know," Mom and I both say at the same time. He shakes his head in shock.

"I can't believe I didn't notice the first time I saw you, Kibo," he gawks a little.

"Kibo?" Mom mouths with a confused look.

"I'll explain later," I tell her quickly before Poe continues.

"You two are basically identical," he states with a nod. "Does that mean that Han is your dad?"

"Well who else would it be, stupid?" I roll my eyes and start to stitch up his head. He inhales deeply but doesn't really flinch too bad, he's obviously had this done many times before.

"That's so cool," he says to himself but I'm close enough to him to hear him say it.

"Everything is under control here, mom. You can go and do your duties or whatever," I say to her and she nods.

"Ok, i'll see you both later. Oh and Y/N?" I hum in response and look to her. "Remember what we talked about in my office this morning? I think I've found someone," she winks at me and seemingly glides away and out of the medical wing. My cheeks blush a deep red and I attempt to hide from Poe's vision but it doesn't work in the slightest.

"Are you warm? Your cheeks have gone bright red," I scowl at him and roll my eyes at his comment.

"You seem to be forgetting that I currently have a needle in your head," I threaten him slightly which makes him shut up. However, when I glimpse at his face from where I'm standing, I can't help but notice the shit eating grin covering his face, showing off his dimples and a slight hint of crimson spreading over the tip of his nose. "That's what I thought,"

I finish tending to all his wounds and help him sit up and zip up his uniform from his previous topless state. I grab the holopad from the small table next to me after it beeps with a message from non other than my mother.

_Also, you can be the one to tell Dameron that he's on bed rest for the next week until his burns and concussion have healed. Mom x_

I groan, already knowing that he will probably argue with her later about it. He seems like that kind of person. "Sorry hotstuff, seems as though you're going to be spending quite a bit of time with your favourite nurse," I show him the pad but he doesn't even glance at it, his eyes stay on me.

"I would be heartbroken but considering you just called me 'Hotstuff', I think I might let it slide this once," He winks at me.

"Shut up, Dameron," I smile to myself a little. "You'll have to stay here for the night but I'll make sure that the night nurses take special care of you,"

He gets a look of fear almost as he nods. I go to walk away but he hooks his fingers quickly with mine, sending another electric shock through my body. _I really have to get some new shoes_.

"This sounds ridiculous but," he pauses and contemplates for a moment. "I really don't like hospitals - bad memories you know? Can you stay here with me?"

I think for a moment. _It will 100% initiate an immense teasing session from mom,_ but he needs me. I know just as well how hard it is to overcome your fears and if I can help him in any way then sure, why not.

I smile and nod at him. "Ok, Flyboy. I have to get back to work but I'll come back later,"

He unhooks his finger from mine as he chews slightly on his bottom lip. "Commander Dameron?" A voice from the door says. We advert our attention to it to only see the same guy as before, Snap I think his name was. "You've got some visitors," he says with a mischievous smirk.

Instantly, the entire black squadron enter the room but are quickly beaten by a little droid - a BB-8 unit. One with colours I've never seen before but still a relatively older model. "Hey buddy!" Poe exclaims excitedly as the small droid beeps back happily. "I know you were worried about me but I'm here now!"

I laugh at the interaction as I turn, leaving the rest of the group to say their Hellos and Get well soons. I leave the section that he was put in and check on the rest of the new patients, attending to the few that needed it.

Another hour passes and I notice that the black squadron is leaving one by one until the only voices heard are the alternating beeps of Poe's droid and from Poe himself. I check the time and see that it's almost time for his medications so I grab all the pills he will need and some water before taking them over to him.

"Ok Casanova, time for your meds," I enter the curtained area and place them in the order he needs them on the little table which slides over his bed.

"You're full of the nicknames today, isn't she BB-8?" He asks the droid whom replies with a sloping , confused sounding beep. "Y/N, this is my droid and my best buddy, BB-8,"

The spherical droid beeps back sweetly, although I have no idea what he said I do know that it wasn't negative. "So do I, BB," Poe chuckles a little. He looks up at me with a look of slight mischief. "He thinks you're really pretty,"

"That's sweet but you have to take your meds," I push the table over so that it's directly in front of him. He speedily gets all the pills out of the way and they're gone before you can say 'maker'.

I didn't even realise I was staring at him until the small droid does a few neutral beeps. "Really? You think so?" Poe replies to his friend whom beeps back happily. "I hope so,"

I laugh a little and take a mental note - _Learn droid so I can understand what he is saying._ "What do you want for dinner tonight?" I ask him as I gently check the already healing scar on his forehead.

"Whatever is in the cantina tonight, please?" I nod and send the message for someone to get the food for him. "So," he starts.

"So," I smile as I take a seat in the booth. "Where did you get your droid?"

"Oh, I got him years ago when I was on a mission and I saw people harassing him so I stepped in and we have been best buds since then," I nod in interest as he continues. "What about you? What was it like growing up around such huge figures?"

"Annoying. My parents were gone a lot which is understandable but I wish I spent more time with them when they were together. Me and my brother got along really well until we were about 13 and that's when he started to really act like a teenager that hates everything. We went to Luke's camp and as you know, that's where everything went haywire," I chuckle softly to try and ignore the pain in my heart as I talk about Ben. I look up to see his face but it's covered in a confused expression. _He obviously hasn't clicked on yet._ "My brother is Kylo Ren,"

_Kylo Ren . What a stupid name._

"Holy shit really?" He eyes bulge wide and his jaw hangs slightly. I nod. "You're family just keeps getting crazier and crazier!"

I scoff with a small smile. "Tell me about it,"

"So you were there when he turned?" I nod and he mouths a wow. "You were the only survivor?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," I swallow harshly as I feel the bile starting to raise up my throat. "But yes,"

"Sorry," He looks down at his feet at the end of the hospital bed. "I shouldn't have said anything,"

"It's fine," He raises his brow at me as I roll my eyes. "Really, it is. You're curious and I don't blame you,"

We stay silent for a little while but that's exactly what I don't want because now I have all the images of my nightmares and realities playing in my head. I blink out of my trance as I feel a gentle nudge on my leg. I look up slightly to see bb-8, who beeps sadly.

"He says you're crying," Poe says as I move my attention to him. I didn't even notice the wet tears rolling down my cheeks until he uses his free hand to wipe them away. "You're ok now, he can't hurt you anymore,"

"He wouldn't anyways," I try to tell myself more than him. "He might be this big bad guy in your eyes but he's still Ben, my brother, in my eyes,"

"Of course," he lets his hand rest on my cheek for a moment longer and I would've let it stay but Luke's face pops into my head and I pull away from it, letting it drop to his side.

"Sorry, I can't," I say quietly, standing up to go back to my post behind the desk.

"Still staying here with me, Kibo?" He asks, his voice breaking a little. I think for a moment, is it a good idea? You already feel attracted to him and that is exactly what the Jedi rules out. But Luke was in love.

I agree silently with a positive shake of my head. I can sense him smirking behind me as I leave his cubicle. I sit down behind the desk I have been stationed at, checking messages, sorting out orders for the ward, all that boring worky stuff.

"Y/N?" I look up from the holopad to see the last of the nurses leaving for the night. "You staying here?"

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," I wave them off as I turn off the pad and head over to Poe's room. I smile as I see him snoring gently all snuggled into the thin blankets of the hospital. BB nudges my leg and beeps quietly. "You need a charging port don't you?" He moves so that it seems as though he nods. "Come on, we have one in the back room,"

I walk with the small droid to the charger and plug him in, sending him into low power mode. I grab a blanket for Poe on my way back to his room, laying it over his sleeping figure when I get there.

I sit in the seat next to his bed and close my eyes for a moment before he stirs. "Y/N?" I snap my eyes open to see the sleepy commander looking at me. "Come here?" He holds his hand out.

I move the chair closer to him with a smile and hesitantly take his hand. "I'm here, Flyboy," I reassure him as I lay my head on the white mattress where he has scooted over for me.

"I know," I sleepily close my eyes, worried that I would wake up again like I did this morning whilst Poe is still here.

But I don't.


	6. 6 - Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain flyboy has a crush and makes a deal with you to get his way...

**_ Chapter 6 _ **

**_Leia's POV_ **

For the first time in a long time, I woke up naturally. Without my daughter screaming and crying out for her old friend and for someone to help her.

Panic sets into my chest and I go to her room, knocking quickly on the door. No answer. I knock again and still no prevail. "Y/N?" I shout through the door before knocking again. _Maybe she actually slept?_

However, rather than all the normal things that could be happening right now, the worst comes to mind. _I can't lose her as well._

"Ma'am?" I turn to one of my assistants who knows about Y/N and I's connection. "I believe she spent the night in the medibay with Commander Dameron?"

I feel a smirk tugging on my lips as I excuse the handmaiden. Speedily, I get changed into my chosen clothing for today and head down to the medibay where I hoped to see my girl ok.

I enter the ward, receiving nods and bows from my soldiers as they pass by. I walk to Dameron's room and open the curtains gently. Lo and behold, she is there. I go to her quietly and stroke her hair, not looking past their connected hands.

"Y/N?" I whisper to her closely. She stirs a little and opens one of her eyes to look at me before yawning and sitting up to stretch. She looks around the room a little until she returns her look towards me.

"What time is it?" She asks quietly, not wanting to wake Poe whom looks a whole lot better than he did yesterday. I look at my watch and smile.

"11:00, my love," I tell her. Her eyes widen and her mouth gapes open.

"You mean I slept through the whole night?" She gasps with slightly glossy eyes. I nod at her and she jumps up to hug me.

"I might have to get Dameron around you more often," She scoffs as nudges my shoulder.

"Mom that is so inappropriate!" I laugh as she shakes her head.

"I didn't mean it like that, you're the one that made it inappropriate," I state matter-of-factly. "Come on, we'll go for lunch and we can catch up,"

She nods and I exit the room. _Mothers always find out_.

**_ Y/N's POV _ **

As mom exits I look over to Poe's sleeping form, shocked to see that his head scar has almost fully healed overnight. "What the-?" I mutter to myself as I go to touch it.

I graze my finger over the barely there scar in disbelief. He stirs a little but I don't move away. He eyes flutter open and I can feel his eyes burning into mine but I still don't move. "I need you to take your top off," He smirks and I cut him off before he can say anything. "And don't you dare say anything about this relationship moving too fast because I _will_ punch you in the gut,"

"I would never," he sarcastically replies with a hand on his chest before lifting his shirt off without any trouble. "Wow, you must be my guardian angel or something. I don't feel anything at all,"

I go to examine the area where his burn is, lifting up the bandage. Nothing. And then the other side where the huge bruise was with his bruised ribs. Nada. "Because there's nothing wrong with you," I say curiously.

"Well there must be because if there wasn't then why am I in the medibay?" he raises his eyebrows at me smugly.

"Because there was something wrong with you yesterday but now there isn't," I stand back, trying to understand what has happened. "I don't understand,"

"Does that mean that I can leave?" he sits up with a hopeful look on his face.

"I guess," I scrunch my eyebrows. "I'll ask my mom about it later,"

"Are you force sensitive?" he questions, I hesitantly nod in reply. "Do you think that has anything to do with it? Like you healed me through the force or something?"

 _I have never heard of that through Luke before. No, that can't be what happened. I didn't even know that was a thing_. "I don't know, Flyboy. I'll look into it later but for now you need to get yourself ready for a physical exam,"

He gets out of bed and I leave the room for him to sort himself out. I go to the back room and unplug BB-8 whom beeps gratefully at me before rushing off to Poe's room. Laughing at the droid, I change into my clothes from yesterday and buzz out of the ward before leaving to sort myself out.

Once back in my room, I find myself feeling like a foreign object there. Everything is too tidy, too perfect. _Oh well_ , I think, _I'll find some random things to decorate it with sooner or later._

I change into some fresh clothing of a white turtleneck jumper, some black leggings and black boots. I throw on a long grey cardigan and head down to the main base to meet up with my mother.

"Hey mom," I smile as I go into her office. She gives a blank look and I instantly feel like a kid again.

"Sit," She says plainly. I follow her order and sit in the brown leather chair at her desk. "So," she starts. "Commander Dameron?" She breaks into a sneaky smirk as the heat rushes to my cheeks. She gasps, "I knew it!"

"I don't like him," I keep a straight face. "If anything he's annoying,"

"Then why are you as red as the sun on Tatooine?" I don't reply, I could but nothing comes out. "See? You can't even reply,"

"I don't like him, Mom!" I try making her believe me.

"Then why were you both asleep holding hands?" My mouth opens and closes like a fish as I attempt at thinking of an excuse. "He likes you too, I can tell,"

"Well even if he did it's against my beliefs to date so he can just carry on the way he is," and he did.

"What did I tell you yesterday? Your grandfather loved someone so much that he went against the Jedi council and got married, Luke was in love, I married your dad and had you and Ben. Tell me that I was wrong to love someone?" She laughs to herself as I roll my eyes. "You and Poe remind me of your dad and I's relationship, you know? I hated him when we first met but that just made me like him more,"

"Well, I don't like Poe so you don't have to make that connection," I groan at her as the smirk stays stuck on her face. She leans further towards me before continuing.

"Then why did you let yourself heal him?" _Excuse me, WHAT?_

"Sorry, what?" she goes to repeat herself but I stop her. "No I heard you, I just don't understand. Luke never told me about that being a thing!"

"Well it is and there's no other explanation for it," she looks as though she is thinking for a moment before she opens her mouth again. "And it only happens if you're thinking of them,"

"I'm leaving," I stand up, dramatically throwing my hands up as a surrender.

"Just admit it, Y/N! You like him!" She exclaims loudly as I quickly shut the door.

"Who do you like?" A voice laughs and I snap to their direction. Thankfully it's only Poe. _Wait, thankfully? He is exactly who I DON'T want to see right now._

"No one," I reply quickly. "She's just being insane because I've never been on a date,"

His face drops slightly and I realise what I said. _Oh for force's sake, Y/N! Why did you have to mention that._

"Well," he chews a little on the inside of his cheek. "Why don't we change that?"

My eyes widen and the heat returns heavily to my cheeks. "Sorry, what?" I ask, looking around for anything that could save me right now.

"Go on a date with me," he flashes his beautiful smile at me. I shake my head.

"I don't date," I tell him bluntly.

"Why?"

"Because i'm a Jedi,"

"Cool," he shrugs and raises his brow. "And?"

I scoff with a laugh. "It's against the rules,"

"Some rules were made to be broken,"

"You sound exactly like my mom right now,"

"Ok," He seems as though he's about to give up as he turns around, but them he comes closer me. So close that I can almost feel his warm breath on my skin. "I make a proposition. I will use my best pick up lines on you everytime I see you until you agree,"

He sticks his hand out which I take. "Deal,"

"Starting now," he thinks for a moment. "Are you a 45 degree angle? Because you're a cutie,"

I pretend to gag as he laughs. "People actually fall for that?"

"You'd be surprised," he smiles widely.

"Well, I have the day off so i'm going to sit in the hanger and wish I was allowed to fly one of the x-wings," I tell him and leave to go to the hangar.

The pilots haven't had a mission in a few days and some were starting to get restless. "Hey Y/N," Jessika calls me over as she puts on her flight jacket.

"Oh you guys got a mission?" I ask her as she pulls me in for a hug.

"No not yet," she pulls away. "Me and some guys are going to have a race, fancy reffing?"

"Sure," I sit on a crate as the four pilots set off to race. I watch what they're doing but I can't focus. Instead my mind is occupied with Poe. _Would he keep his word with that deal?_

******

Yes, yes he would. It's now been a month since Poe and I made the deal and he hasn't backed down just yet. In fact, I made a list of some of his truly worst ones:

There must be something wrong with my eyes because I can't take them off of you.

If you and I were socks, we'd make a great pair.

Want a raisin? No? Then how about a date?

I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me.

I may not be a photographer but I can totally picture us together

  
At this point however, I was considering calling a truce and threatening him a little to get him to stop. On the other hand, this last month I have seen him very often and my liking for him has only grown. Like, a lot.

I realised he had little quirks that made me just want to focus on him more. Like he would stick his tongue out a little when he was focusing on something or how he would chew on the inside of his cheek when he's feeling a little frustrated.

He passed his physical the same day he got out of the medibay and within the next day he was already out and flying in his x-wing. For some reason I felt a great sense of worry every time he left, as though I was worried that he wouldn't come back before I could say all the things I wanted to him - even though I would never say them to him anyways.

In this moment, I am walking to the hangar to help my mom with the x-wing checks. Little bit of extra information - most people know about the general being my mom now, both of us have just let the word spread by itself and most people don't really care.

"Ok, so we have 8 black squadron x-wings to check," she says as I pick up the sheets and forms for each.

"Wait, 8? I thought there was only 7 including Poe's?" I question her with scrunched up eyebrows.

"They're getting a new member today," she tells me and sets off to look over them, bringing a droid with her to check the mechanics.

It all goes absolutely perfectly, Poe obviously makes the effort to ensure that each pilot keeps their ships in perfect order. At the end of the hangar, next to the Black One, is a new x-wing with the same decorations as the others in the squadron.

Poe is there, a helmet in hand and looking at the wings of the small ship. "Good morning, general, Kibo," he smiles at me and my mom. I scowl at him with the use of his nickname in front of mom.

"So who is your new pilot?" I ask him as I look over the shiny new wing.

Him and my mom share a glance and I raise my eyebrows in waiting. Poe approaches me with a grin tugging at his lips. Then he does the last thing I expected. He thrusts the helmet towards me.

"You"


	7. 7 - Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flyboy manages to break you...

**_ Chapter 7 _ **

"What?" I exclaim a little too loudly. "I'm the new pilot?"

"Only took a whole month of convincing, but yeah," Poe smiles widely. I look down at my mom from her short stance.

She nods with a small grin. I squeal a bit and jump before I hug my mom and then jump to Poe. I pull back quickly but his hand stays on my waist. "If I could kiss you right now, I would," I tell him jokingly.

"Why don't you then?" he remarks and I punch him in the arm, earning me a small 'ow' from him. "That's no way to treat your commander,"

I shake my head and roll my eyes at him, moving away from his embrace slinging an arm over mom's shoulders. "So you did this?" I ask him in disbelief.

"Yeah, I saw you in the hangar that day and I could tell how passionate you are about flying so I went straight to you, General, and started to try convincing her," he moves closer to me again and places the helmet on my head. "Welcome to the black squadron, Kibo. Let's go out for a test run, huh?"

I nod excitedly, the helmet staying perfectly in place. Quickly, I got changed into the new flight suit that was waiting for me in the changing rooms and skip back out to the x-wing that was now mine. "Let's go!" I exclaim to Poe who was securing BB-8 into his ship.

He laughs at my excitement and winks before beginning to climb the ladder to his seat. "Now, this is only a test run so try and keep it professional like it's the real thing,"

"Only if you do, Flyboy," I climb into my own bit and strap myself in, squirming a little to get comfortable in the new environment.

"Checking 1, 2, 1, 2," I hear Poe's voice loudly through the helmet making me jump a little.

"Loud and clear, Dameron," I shake my head as I flick the switches to turn on the ship, eager to go.

"Let's go then," he says as his own black ship lights up and we lift off and exit the hanger. "Only stay in the perimetre for today, just to get your bearings, ok?"

"Yup!" I steady the ship and take a deep breath. I feel my grip on the handle get tighter and my palms start to get sweaty under the steering gloves I have to wear.

"Don't be nervous, I'm right here," He reassures me through the comms. I nod even if he can't see me and straighten my back in confidence. "Follow me, we are going to do shooting practice,"

He slowly turns around and ambles the route to this shooting range. "Pick up the speed, Dameron. I don't need baby steps," I groan as I follow him slowly.

He chuckles and I can only imagine the shit eating smirk that is probably covering his face. "Alright, Kibo. You don't want baby steps? Not baby steps is what you'll get,"

In a second, the back of his jets have turned a neon blue and he is speeding off. I adjust my settings and speed off after him towards force knows where.

"You're right. You don't need baby steps," he remarks with a slightly surprised tone.

"Never underestimate me, Flyboy," I smile, but he doesn't know that. I think.

"I never did," he sounds sarcastically upset, earning him an eye roll on my behalf. There's a beeping from his ship which I recognise as BB-8. "Got it buddy! Kibo, prepare for landing,"

"Got it, bossman," I prepare the ship for the landing pad and begin to lower down as he does the same.

As I feel the ship land securely, I completely turn it off and open the hatch. I exit as he gets out of his own and walking down the ladder I realise how truly shaky my legs are. "You got talent, kid," he smirks at me, taking his balck helmet off his head and revealing his now shaggy black curly hair. _Please let my heart slow down._

"Kid?" I stop in my tracks towards him and raise my eyebrows at him. "Really?"

"What? You're younger than me and therefore you're a kid," he winks and lets BB-8 out of the ship.

"Isn't that a little weird?" He gives me a look that urges me to continue. "Well, you're trying to get a date with me yet you're comparing me to a child,"

His smirk drops and he grimaces slightly. "When you put it like that you really know how to ruin a good moment,"

"It's just my charm," Am I _flirting? I can't do that_. Yes, yes you can. Let loose, enjoy your life.

"Come on," He looks around for a second before pointing at some holographic targets. "Get back into your ship, i'll stay out here to watch how you're doing - not that I underestimate you are anything," He winks at me, making me shake my head and turn away to hide the growing blush covering my cheeks.

I get myself back into the ship and set up all the attack settings. Taking a deep breath, I look through the aiming screen and focus on the blue targets in the distance. I quickly glance at Poe who gives me a singular nod, taking away all the anxiousness out of my system.

In a moment, I hit the trigger and hit the target directly in the middle. I can hear muffled whoops and cheers from the curly haired man as he fist bumps the sky and excited beeps from his sidekick who is rolling in circles around his owner. I laugh at the sight and open the hatch once again.

"You're a natural, Y/N!" he runs over to me and climbs the ladder to see the inside of my ship. "H-how? How are you so good?"

I shrug and smile at him. "The force wills me to do so, I guess; and it's kind of in my blood,"

"That's so cool," He states with a smile of disbelief. "Can you," he pauses. "Can you show me some forcey stuff?"

I nod and stand up out of the ship to get down the ladder. I feel my foot slip a little but he steadies me by holding onto my waist. _And there comes the blushing again._

I get to the concrete floor and nod to him. "Sure, let's go,"

****

We walk through the slightly woody terrain talking about nothing in particular until we get to a clearing covered in dirt and twigs but still covered by the trees enough. "Here?" I ask him, stopping in my tracks.

"Whatever you want," he says, stumbling a little as BB-8 rolls into his legs from the sudden stop. I laugh at the droid, gaining me a look of disapproval from his master.

"Sorry," I chuckle as I sit with my legs crossed on the dusty floor, he follows suit with BB stopping and staying in between the two of us so we are in a triangle. "So, what do you wanna see?"

"Anything, I've never seen the force in action before. Read my mind or something," he asks curiously.

"You sure?" he nods. "Well don't hesitate because if you do, it'll hurt like a bitch,"

"Ok, i'll think of my best pick up line and then we'll see about when you're free for that date,"

"Dream on, Flyboy," I straighten my spine and take a deep breath as I close my eyes. I focus on entering his mind field but I can feel him straining. "Relax, Poe. I couldn't hurt you,"

"Ok," he replies breathlessly. I hear him shuffle slightly behind my closed eyes and he evidently calms down.

I can immediately sense thousands of thoughts in his head but I harden my focus on his 'best pick up line'. The first thing I get transmitted is possibly the worst thing I have ever heard a singular male say - or rather think - to me.

_"Don't let Han fly Solo tonight,"_

"Poe!" I exclaim, opening my eyes wide and my jaw dropping.

"What?" a cheeky grin grows on his face and he bites his lip slightly, sending my own mind into overload.

"You cannot, under any circumstances, bring my own father into your silly little game! It's just gross!" I laugh loudly and BB-8 beeps in agreement, rolling a little closer to me.

He shrugs nonchalantly and leans back, supporting himself on the muddy ground with his hands. "So, what about that date?"

_You really shouldn't. What would Luke say?_

He was in love once too. Just say yes, you know you want to.

_No._

Yes!

_No!_

Yes!

_Absolutely not! It's against everything you've ever known!_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"When are you free?"


	8. 8 - Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They do always say that 'Mothers know best'...

**_ Chapter 8 _ **

He sits in shock for a minute or so, his jaw slightly ajar. BB-8 buzzes with excitement and he looks from Poe to me and then back to Poe, obviously confused seeing as this seems to be the first time Poe has ever been speechless.

"Seriously?" he exclaims softly. A smile creeps onto his face, making slight dimples into his cheeks. "That was a lot easier than I thought it would be,"

"Really? And what did you think it would be?" I question him, slightly disappointed in myself.

"Well, I didn't expect you to say yes at all to be fair. Especially if you're as stubborn as your mother," he jokes, his shit eating grin only growing wider.

"I normally am but you," I sigh deeply. "You used your 'best pick up line' on me,"

"If I said that I haven't been planning this date since we made the bet, I would be lying," he winks.

I roll my eyes and he gets up from the floor, holding his hand out for me which I take and he pulls me up, putting his free hand on my waist and pulling me closer.

"Don't you think this relationship is moving a little too quickly?" I quote him playfully as I push him away. "I'll race you back to the ships,"

"Wait wha-"

"321 go!" I begin sprinting away from him childishly, wind in my hair as I hear him calling my name behind me until his heavy boots begin to run as well. The ships come into sight but so does Poe's orange suit from behind me and I run faster. BB-8 overtakes me but I don't mind - i'll still beat Poe.

Out of breath and sweaty from the hot sun and the weighted uniform, I get to the x-wing, placing my hand on it's painted orange stripe and waiting for my date to catch up.

"What the hell, Kibo?" he pants as he bends over and places his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

"I didn't even win," he gives me a confused look. "Your son did,"

"BB is not my son," he defends.

"You sure about that?" I tilt my head and smirk at him.

"Yes, he's my buddy, right?" He turns to the small droid who is stationed at my feet. BB-8 looks up at me and gives me a confused beep.

"I don't think he agrees," I look down to the droid and then back up at Poe who has caught his breath and is now well on his way over to me.

"Since when did you start understanding droid?" he stops next to me, looking down at his child.

"Since I started learning and wanted to get in on your secret little conversations about me," I wink at him and put my helmet back on my head. "Come on it's getting dark and you need to put your son to bed,"

I turn around with a skip in my stride and walk over to my shiny new x-wing, helmet on my head. "Dude seriously, he's not my son!" he groans from behind me. I shrug at him as my hatch closes and I connect back with his comms.

"I'll race you back to the base and then we'll see what my mom says," I tell him as I flip all the necessary switches and begin to lift off. I see him doing the same.

"We shall," he is obviously smirking, I can only picture it in my head but it doesn't stop my heart from racing.

We take off the training grounds and speed off against each other towards the hangar. I let him beat me there, not wanting to hurt his ego too much today.

"I knew you couldn't beat me," He winks at me and I roll my eyes, spotting my mother at the other side of the hangar with a nervous, concerned parent look covering her face.

I wave at her and she stands up, picking up her pace and speed walking towards me. She gets to me and instantly starts checking over my face smushing my cheeks as she does so. "Mom," I complain, not worrying about the few confused looks from passersby.

"She was good?" She asks Poe, who was approaching from behind me.

"Incredible. I can't believe she's not been a pilot for longer," he remarks, putting his arm around my shoulder. I can feel my face begin to flush red and mom shoots a knowing but still shocked look between the two of us.

"You finally got her to say yes?" she questions with crossed arms and a raised brow.

"Yup!" Poe says with a large grin covering his stupid (-ly hot) face. "So, if you don't mind General i'll be taking her off your hands sometime within the next week,"

"Fine, but make sure it isn't Tuesday or Wednesday," she says with a tone that makes me believe that she thinks I know something I don't.

"Do tell, mother," I shoot her a confused look.

"Don't all me 'mother', Y/N. It makes me feel old," she sighs. "If you must know, your father has said he might pay us a visit-"

"Dad's coming?" I exclaim loudly, causing the entire hangar to fall silent.

"A-as in Han Solo?" Poe asks, letting his arm drop from my shoulder to his side.

"Who else, idiot," I shake my head at him as he puts his hands up in defense. "But seriously, dad's coming?"

"He contacted me earlier today that he wanted to come and see you at some point,"

I haven't seen my father half as much since the whole _Ben incident_. He feels guilty, that I'm getting hurt because he made us leave to be with Luke. I think that this is around the two year mark since I last saw him. My mom obviously sees my saddening face and she grabs hold of my hands, holding them tightly.

"He does care, Y/N. He loves you more than anything in the world," I scoff at her words.

"Then why hasn't he even tried contacting me since the last time he came. Or the time before that when he didn't contact me since the time he came back before that time," I say quickly, not really thinking about my words due to the anger and sadness and happiness and excitement bubbling in my stomach.

"Slow down, you aren't making any sense, my love," she holds my hands tighter, sending me calming energies. "He is scared, you know that. He's terrified he'll lose you too and you're the light of his life, his miracle,"

"I think the last time I saw him he still had brown hairs, bet he doesn't anymore," I laugh, earning myself a chuckle from my shorter mother. I turn to Poe who is standing in a shock like state, eyes widened and body still. "Poe?"

"Hmm?" he responds, not moving a muscle until he shakes his head and takes a deep breath, turning to me. "Sorry, it's just that he's kind of an icon in my life. My mother told me so much about him so I can't quite believe i'll finally get to meet him,"

"Your mother was the best pilot I knew, Dameron, you're almost as good as her," mom says, patting his shoulder. "I'm sure Han will see himself in you,"

"I could never be as good as him," he chuckles.

"No one is like Han, no one ever could be. And that might make him hate you that you're so similar but he'll warm up to you," mom tells him reassuringly.

I know she still loves him. He still loves her, more than anyone could ever love someone. It breaks my heart when I think of them not being together but I got over that eight years ago.

"Do you think he'll have the Falcon? I would love to fly it again," I reminisce about the olden days when he would take me training in it. _How do you think I learnt how to be such a good pilot and shooter?_

"W-wait, you've flown the Falcon?" Poe questions with great curiosity.

"He wouldn't let anyone else fly it other than her," Mom laughs, remembering the past. "But he only let you fly it after you turned 16 and even then it was you could flip a few switches and he and Chewie would do the rest. Speaking of, have you told Dameron about your full name-"

"No, mom," I stop her before she can go any further. "And I don't plan on telling him any time soon, ok?"

"I'll get it out of you," Poe nudges me from the side. "I won't stop until you tell me,"

"Ok," I roll my eyes sarcastically. "Well, if you'll excuse me I have to check out every last detail of my ship,"

They nod, both laughing as I turn and walk away. _Goddamn, my mother might as well be a teenager again with the way she acts._

**_ 3rd person POV _ **

Leia sent a knowing look to the commander left in front of her who only had one thing on his mind: Y/N. and didn't Leia know it. She also knew that Han would kill this boy if he found out about his feelings towards their daughter.

She recalled the day she was born. The miracle baby. They were told she wouldn't make it through the night. Leia couldn't shake the feeling that it was the force that made her go into labour so long before she was due. Han was freaking out, more than he did when Ben was being born. It was his baby girl and even if he didn't have an ounce of the force in him, he knew something about this baby was special. That she was going to change the world someday.

They took Ben, then 4 years old with overgrown black hair and bruises everywhere from playing with his father and Uncle Chewie, to see his Uncle Luke. The labour was long and hard, many tears were shed - mainly from Han.

When the pain was over, they sobbed as the nurses took the newborn to be checked. She didn't cry, not once. They thought they knew what that meant but when the nurse came back to them with a bundle of blankets and a baby softly snoring, they sobbed harder. "She's ok," she remembers being told. She remembers the wave of relief she felt at that moment and she knew Han felt it as well. Their daughter was alive and she remembers clear as day the moment she looked at her daughter's face for the first time. Y/N. That is what they decided to call her. She was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. Leia kissed the child's head gently as Han rocked the baby so carefully it was like she could break or fall to pieces any second. She saw the image of Han and the baby as she slowly closed her eyes, falling into a deep, exhausted sleep.

When her eyes fluttered open again, she saw Han with Y/N in the chair next to her crib. He was whispering words to her that Leia would remember until her dying breath. "Y/N, I love you more than you could ever know and I will never let anything hurt you. Not ever. No one will ever be good enough for you. I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am to have you right now and for the rest of my life. I will protect you with everything in me, forever. Even after I'm gone. I love you,"

Coming back to reality, Leia looks at Poe with a saddened smile. She knows that he would never hurt her daughter or let anything hurt her. He would protect her when Leia and Han couldn't anymore.

Han, however, was on the other side of the galaxy with Chewie looking for his ship that had been stolen many years ago. He didn't understand why he'd told his ex-wife that he would be visiting in the next week, he knew that they both knew that wasn't really going to happen and he would get an absolute mouthful from both his favorite women when he did return at some point. He wanted to see them again, believe it he did but he couldn't bring himself to look at them the same way he did before. They reminded himself too much of his failures in raising his son.

Poe walked over to his date who was checking over her ship thoroughly, as he did everytime he went on a mission with his x-wing. He smiled, really realising how similar yet so different they were. "Why are you watching me, Poe?" she smirked, though he couldn't see that.

"How did you-?" He trailed off.

"Force," They said at the same time, facing each other with a smile.

"So," the girl started. "What have you got planned for our date?"

"You aren't going to find that out until tomorrow night," he teased, making her groan in annoyance.

"Something you'll learn about me is that I do not like surprises, at all," she sighed at him, handing him the clipboard with all the completed checks done and noted. "What do I have to wear?"

"We will have to fly, or more like I will have to fly. So something nice but warm," he tells her, knowing fine well what they will be doing come the next night. "I have a feeling this is one surprise you can get behind,"

"We'll see, Flyboy. We shall see," she pats his back, winking at him as she walks past him to help her mother out with anything she needs.

The girl had told herself that Dameron was never really paying attention to anything she said. Years of doubting herself had led her to believe that he was only in it to get closer to her mother, like everyone she's ever tried to become friends with. Little did she know that every word that came out of her mouth he cherished and took in.

He recalls the night he spent in the hospital with her, you know, the night when she managed to heal him through the force. He remembers when he asked her about one of her favourite memories and she told him about Endor and the Ewoks and the stars that were so clear that she had never seen anything like them in all the galaxy. And also that she hadn't been able to go since she was about 8. I think you get where this is going.

He was going to take her there and collect all of her favourite foods, have a picnic of some sorts and then he knew he would be too nervous to kiss her but who knows? Then, at the end of the night, when dawn started to arise, he would give her one last thing that he would spend the next full day searching for thoroughly but he wouldn't tell a soul what he was planning to do unless he really had to.

He may not be force sensitive but he couldn't help but think there was something that pulled them together in that canteen that short while ago.


	9. 9 - Endor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe takes you on your first date... turns out you might like surprises after all.

**_ Chapter 9 _ **

**_ Y/N's POV _ **

I awoke from the long night with a large stretch and a yawn. Yet another night I have slept the whole way through and I can't explain it. Maybe it's because for once, I am content with my life.

I don't have to hide my past from the people in the resistance anymore, they all know who my parents are and who my _brother_ is, i'm finally a pilot with my own x-wing, I have a new friend and I have a date. An actual date with an actual person, not just some made up storyline i've created in my head. And yet I still have no idea where we are going and I wasn't going to use my force to find out either, no matter how much I hate not knowing.

However, as I sit up in my bed, sunlight peeking through my windows, I can't get rid of the feeling that Ben is thinking of me wherever he is doing his evil sith apprentice stuff. He still thinks I'm dead. He feels guilty for killing me and I can feel him but he can't feel me. Maybe the years of keeping my mind barriers have left an everlasting effect. Maybe they're just up all the time now.

Taking a moment to feel the bliss of the positive aura around me, I stay seated under all my covers and close my eyes once again. That is until a frantic knocking starts on my door.

I get out of bed with a groan and start towards the door. "Ok, ok! I'm coming!" I moan swinging the door open and stopping the persistent knocker in their tracks. "Mom?"

"You felt it too?" my mother asks from her short stance with glossy eyes and crossed eyebrows.

"Ben?" I ask her and she nods. "Yeah, I felt him. You did too?"

"I do every few months but this was different. I don't feel as much darkness, there's more light in him this time," she sounds hopeful but I know I have to stop her before she gets her hopes higher.

"Mom," I stop her sadly. "I don't think he's coming back to us. I miss him too but he's too far gone now,"

She closes her eyes, them becoming more glossy as she reopens them. "I miss him, Y/N. He's my boy,"

I pull her towards me and hold her close. Too many times we have had interactions like this early in the morning. I wipe her eyes gently with a soft touch, sending her calming energies through my fingers. "I miss him too," I whisper. "But he's not Ben anymore, and I don't think he ever will be again,"

"I can feel it though, there's light in him," She almost seems to be attempting to convince herself.

"I can feel it too but the dark is still overpowering him. This is what he's chosen, as much as I hate to admit it," I tell her with a sad smile.

"I know," she accepts my words with a nod. "You better get to work, would you mind helping me out in the comm centre today? There's a few people out doing an investigation and we need to get in touch with them,"

"The map?" I ask, hoping for any news on where my uncle Luke might be.

"Hopefully," She begins to walk away but turns once again as I go to close my door. "Don't expect to see much of Commander Dameron today,"

"What, why?" _Had he decided he didn't want the date anymore? So he really didn't like me, was it all a joke?_

"Don't worry, he hasn't shut up about your date since you agreed. He hasn't forgotten about it, trust me," Well that's good to know. "He needed to go somewhere early this morning, said there were errands he needed to run before he returned back later today,"

"Ok," I shoot her a smile and close the door as she turns away. "You better not be doing anything stupid, Poe," I mutter to myself and begin looking through my drawers fo something to wear through the day and for my date tonight.

*****

I had worked all day trying to get the research from the people on the look for anyone with clues about the location of the map to Uncle Luke. Tired was an understatement.

As I walked back to my apartment/room type thing, I saw Poe's x-wing coming into the hangar and took a slight diversion to see what he's been up to all day. Walking towards his ship, he holds a bag close to him as if he was walking around a criminal planet.

"What've you got there, Dameron?" I tilt my head to him as he checks over his ship.

"Nothing that concerns you," A smirk grows on his face. "Yet,"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I ask him, curiosity taking me over.

"Tonight, meet me right here at," He checks his watch. "6:00,"

"Got it," I turn on the ball of my foot and walk off with a slight skip in my stride.

Upon getting to my room, I see a navy blue velvet box laying landscape on the end of my bed along with a note tucked underneath it. I open the note and immediately recognise the handwriting:

_Y/N, I'm so proud that you're choosing to do this thing, even if it is with Dameron. I thought you might like this - it's a bit different to your normal styles but it's something I wore when I first met your father._

_Mom x_

I smile at the short letter and open the box, seeing a dainty necklace with the Alderaanian royal family crest on the charm. Sometimes I forget that I'm legitimately a princess of a long gone planet. I remember seeing this in my mother's walk in wardrobe back in Naboo and wishing more than anything that one day I would be big enough to wear all the things in her closet.

Once I'm dressed into a peach coloured low neck jumper to show off the beautiful necklace and black leggings, I look in my long mirror that stands against my bland wall. I look good! I think to myself. I put on my boots, noticing the time from my holograph clock. 5:47. I leave my room, making sure to lock my door behind me and only now just realising how genuinely nervous I am for this date. Even if I was basically forced into it. I actually really liked Poe.

I shake my hands, doing a few little jumps to get all the nervous energy out of my system as I leave the building for the space me and Poe greeted each other only an hour or so ago. I approach the area and see the back of my date who hasn't yet heard me but quickly turns once his spherical son starts to beep excitedly and rolls over to me.

I bend down and pat his metal head with a smile and continue the small steps towards the curly haired man. "Hi," I smile at him, trying to divert my attention from his outfit that compliments his body. He's wearing a v-neck charcoal grey jumper, some black pants and boots, all topped off with the jacket he wears every single day.

"You look," he gawks for a moment. _Is that a good sign?_ "Incredible,"

I laugh breathlessly, noting the same brown satchel he was holding close to him before now strapped around his shoulder. _Interesting..._

"So are we going on a date or what?" I joke as I nudge his side, BB-8 tilting his head in confusion of his speechless master from out the corner of my eye.

"Oh, uh," He stumbles over his words before gathering himself. "Sure, let me lead the way, ma'am?" he holds his arm out for me to take, an action which I respond to by laughing and shaking my head at, but accept and take anyways.

"You're an idiot, did you know that?" I roll my eyes at him, looking up at his chiseled features that are so prominent on his face.

"Actually no. Not like you tell me every chance you get," he retorts sarcastically, looking down at me and making me feel a lot shorter than I actually am. Even if he really isn't that tall compared to most people I know. "Come on,"

I walk alongside him at a slow but steady pace, our feet matching paces every now and then making me smile like a child. We get to a new ship I haven't been in yet but one that I've seen before. It's singularly piloted like an x-wing but it has an extra seat in the cockpit, small but powerful.

He sits in the pilot seat, which I knew he would do even if I did know where we were going. "Are you going to tell me where we are going now?" I ask him as I slouch slightly in the seat next to him.

"Nope," He puts on his black helmet, sending me a cheeky smile before he turns and switches on all the necessary things to make the ship fly. "Get ready for take off, Kibo. we'll be going into lightspeed in a moment,"

The ship lifts off and we exit the D'Qar perimetre, something I haven't done in a long time. It makes me feel free, like flying always does. But now, with Poe, I feel freer than I ever have before.

"Lightspeed in 3, 2," He flicks the switch and goes into the neon blue tunnel that never fails to amaze me. We stay in the tunnel for about a minute before he announces "And, we have arrived," before leaving, letting a forest green planet come into view.

I felt like I recognised it but from a long time ago. As we get closer, I feel it click in my mind.

Endor.

I gasp a little, feeling a knot in my throat begin to bundle up and my eyes getting glossy. He remembered.

"I have a great memory, Y/N," he says loudly, as if he had read my thoughts.

"I can't believe it," I scoff, a light blush coming over my nose. "Is this where you've been all day?"

"Not quite," he smirks as he prepares to land, announcing that a moment later.

Once we have landed, he holds out his hand as he stands up from his seat. I take it and stand up myself, getting out of the hatch with him hand-in-hand.

"Don't worry, my _son_ won't be with us," He looks over to the part of the ship that BB-8 is in. "He's staying there,"

I laugh at him, feeling slightly bad for the robotic child in the back of the ship. That feeling of guilt is taken away as soon as Poe looks in my direction, making me feel like I am the only girl in the entire galaxy.

It made me get a feeling in my stomach that felt like I was going to throw up, but I _liked it?_ I have never felt this feeling before, but I definitely will not complain about it.

"Come here," he smiles softly and pulls me closer to him before spinning me around so my back faces him. He places his hands over my eyes gently, letting the buzzing feeling reappear in my stomach.

"What are you doing?" I laugh at him, hoping it's nothing stupid.

"Nothing, I just don't want to ruin the surprise," he responds in a childishly excited voice. I open my mouth to say something but he interrupts me before I can let any words out of my mouth. "And before you can complain - which I know you will - this is a good surprise!"

"No surprise is a good surprise, Dameron," I groan as we begin to walk towards wherever we are going. I would use the force to see through and look at where we are heading but I want to allow him this win. _Who knows_ , I think, _maybe one surprise can be a good one._

"Just you wait," he chuckles a little to himself as we walk for what seems like an eternity but is more likely about a minute and a half. "Ok, get ready for the best surprise of your life,"

He comes to a halt and begins to slowly peel his hands from my face. I am blinded by lights and allow my eyes to adjust to the bright setting before fully taking in the area around me. Thousands of little lights are all strung up the hundreds of trees surrounding us, a basket and blanket on the floor in a clear space in the middle of the forest.

I feel my eyes starting to swell up again and I think, _This really is a good surprise._

"Holy shit, Poe," I gape at the sight in front of me, not really able to say anything else. I take a step away from him to allow myself to take in all of my surroundings.

"Y-you like it?" he asks nervously, as if he thought I hated it or that it was too much.

"It's beautiful," I say breathlessly. He meets me once again, our hands touching slightly. I look up at him with a wide smile and a look of admiration.

"Not as beautiful as you, Kibo" he flirts with me. Usually I would slap his arm or call him an idiot for flirting so obviously but instead I take his hand that has been gently grazing over the back of my own for the last few moments. "There's a few more surprises for the night,"

"Really?" I laugh a little as he pulls me towards the blanket and basket. "If they're as good as this then i'm don't doubt you one bit,"

"I can't believe that you doubted me in the first place," he sits down on one side of the basket, pulling me down with him as he refuses to let go of my hand.

"What have we got here?" he seems to snap back in reality after staring at me for a few moments and he opens the basket, pulling out some red beady type things in a small bowl.

"For starters, Milady," he hands me a bowl of the red egg looking things. "Colo Claw,"

"Oh! My dad talks about trying these once," I take the bowl and a spoon that he gives to me. "He said it was pretty good,"

"Now who's bringing your dad into the relationship?" a smug look graces his face as he teases me, mocking the comment I had made yesterday.

I shake my head and dive into the small portion, bringing the spoon to my mouth and popping all the balls between my teeth. Strange , but pretty good.

We both finish, talking in between mouthfuls and gazes at each other. "And for the main course?" I ask in curiosity of what he has planned.

"Gizka steak," he pulls out two portions of the expensive meal.

"Force, Poe! This is so expensive!" I gasp at the meal in front of me.

"Then it's a great job that i'm such a good cook, isn't it?" he smiles as he digs into the food.

"You made all this?" I take a bite of the meaty food, moaning at how delicious it is.

"Not all of it, but the majority," he says with a splotch of sauce on his chin. I smile at it and laugh at him being so clueless. I begin to reach out to wipe it away but he pulls himself away. "What are you doing?"

"You have sauce on your chin," I use my thumb to wipe it away, leaving him speechless for the second time tonight. _This is the quietest I think he's ever been._

I wipe the dark sauce away, realising now how close I am to his face. My breath starts to get shaky as the warm air from my lungs mixes with his from his slightly parted plump lips. I allow my eyes to flicker down to his lips momentarily and when I look back to his eyes, I note that he is doing the same to my lips. However, his gaze is fixed on my lips throughout the whole ordeal.

The urge to just break the distance between us is enormous but I know that I can't. _Or can I?_

Looking into his eyes alone I can see so much of the things he hasn't yet told me about. He has dealt with great loss in his life, guilt controls his every action yet it's still overpowered by the feelings of love and memories of happiness from the people that surround him. The brown in his eyes glisten like a golden honey or an expensive whiskey in the glimmer of the fairy lights and the moon. I feel like I could be in one of the worst situations in my life and I would still look into his eyes and feel like I was untouchable, safe.

"What's on your mind?" he asks in a low whisper, sending my mind into overdrive.

A sudden burst of confidence takes over me, pushing my answer to actually come out of my mouth. "You,"

He's silent. That's never a good sign. I can feel my heartbeat quickening in panic but my breathing stays the same. I swallow harshly, trying to get rid of the feeling of nervous embarrassment fizzing in the pit of my stomach.

"Thank god," he mutters, ridding of all the horrid feelings and emotions in me. "Because i've been wanting to do this since the second I saw you,"

And with that, he closes the space, starting slowly by grazing his lips against mine and then completely by pushing them onto me. I'm shocked at first and I can sense his panic but I return the action quickly, kissing him back. It starts off sweet but shortly turns passionate.

I lift my hands to the back of his head, tangling them into his darkened curly hair and tugging slightly. He pulls back slightly and lets a breathy, low gasp escape his lips, only making the deep kiss deeper than before.

He places his hands on my waist and begins to lower me down to the blanket covered ground. After a few moments, we both separate for air. Our foreheads stay attached and my hands lower to his cheek and the nape of his neck, gently twirling a curl of his hair that grew there.

"Wow," I say breathlessly. "Definitely some good surprises tonight," 

"Yeah, wow," he chuckles quietly. We fully pull away from each other. "Looks like we've already had dessert then, huh?"

"You always know how to ruin a moment don't you?" I laugh at him and push him away from his chest.

"It's one of my many talents, Kibo," he winks at me but then another shit-eating grin covers his face. "Which reminds me, I have one more surprise for you,"

"What now?" I groan, feeling a little embarrassed from the great amount of attention i'm being given and the little effort I put into this for him.

He searches through his bag for a moment before finding what he's looking for. He pulls out a large rectangular wooden box. He holds it out to me and I hesitate taking it but he nudges it closer to me, urging me to take it. Which I do.

I look up at him, noticing his excited eyes as if he was a child on their birthday. "Open it, took a long time to get a hold of," he bounces a little in anticipation of his gift to me.

I begin opening the box and see the corner of something purple. I open it fully and nearly drop it. A Kibo flower. Native to Yavin 4. Basically extinct. Extraordinarily rare. And I have one.

"Are you-" I'm speechless. "Are you serious? How long has it taken you to get a hold of one of these?"

"A month or so?" he shrugs nonchalantly, as if it was nothing. "It was nothing, really,"

"Well that's possibly the biggest lie i've ever heard!" I scoff, looking from him to the flower that is in my possession. I stroke my fingers over the soft purple and white petals, admiring its beauty. "How?"

"I'm from Yavin 4, remember? I asked my father to keep an eye out and when he found it, I took a day trip to see him and collect it from him," he smiles at me. "You can say you love me,"

"I don't,"

"You sure?"

"Positive,"

This goes back and forth for a little while, each response we move closer to each other until the point where we are arguing against each other's mouths.

*****

We lay for hours, talking about nothing, pointing out the thousands of stars - to which he knows most of, keeping our fingers tangled together the entire time.

"So," he starts after a long silence, just staring at the night sky.

"So," I mock him jokingly, urging him to continue a conversation - even if we have talked about everything we possibly could.

"You never did tell me your full name," I turn my head to face him against the ground, noticing that he has been likely to have been staring at me rather than the stars.

"And I don't plan on it," I roll my eyes with a small chuckle, moving my gaze back to the stars above us. I can still feel his eyes burning into the side of my head however.

"Come on," he sits up and gives me eyes like a lost puppy and a childlike pout. "Please? Pretty please?" he drags this on for minutes and I almost get up and walk away, flying myself home, until he pins me down and starts tickling my waist.

In between hysterical laughter and trying to breath whilst also attempting to get his hands off of me. "Poe, please!" I laugh loudly, finally giving in. "Fine! I'll tell you!"

"It must be really bad if you're this against telling me," a mischievous grin appears on his face as I sit up, preparing myself to actually tell the first person that isn't family my full name.

"Don't laugh," he puts his hands up in defeat.

"If it's really as bad as you're making it out to be, there's absolutely no promises,"

"Fine," I straighten my spine. "But I want to stress that this is all my father's doing, he snuck away with the birth certificate before my mom realised it was edited,"

"Ok..." he sits up, copying my stance.

"So," I laugh to myself, placing my hands over my face in shame. "My full name is Y/N Padme Breha Jaina _Chewbacca_ Solo-Organa,"

His hand covers his mouth as he tries not to laugh. He composes himself and lets it drop. "I promise I won't ever say that out loud," he puts his hands in a praying position. "And that's not because it's embarrassing, but because my attention span is way too short to say it all at once,"

I punch him in the arm hard, to which he flinches and groans but I make it up by kissing him on the lips. "Hey, just because you kiss me doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt," he pouts again.

However, he still returns the embrace and pulls me closer to him by the small of my back, sending shivers right down my spine.

****

We stayed in Endor until dawn came, admittedly falling asleep in each other's arms underneath the starlight. When I awoke, everything from the previous night came back to me. The lights, the food, _the kissing_ , the star gazing, _the kissing_ , the Kibo flower. Everything.

My arms wrapped around his waist and my head resting on his chest, listening to the persistent beat of his heart and taking in the rise and fall of his lungs with every breath he takes.

I peer up at his resting face, taking the moment to properly appreciate all of his features. Even in slumber he looks perfect. _No wonder he's the poster boy of the resistance_.

"I can feel you staring," he mumbles groggily with his newly found morning voice - to me anyways.

"Good," I smile up at him as he opens his eyes and looks down at me with morning glory. "C'mon sleepyhead, we've got to get home before my mother thinks we've died - or worse, had a good time," I make a sarcastic announcement, but it's true. 

"Ugh, fine," he whines as he gets up, letting my arms fall from his shirt and to the floor. He stands first and holds his hand out for me to take, which I do and pull myself up to face him. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his nose gently, an action which he ignores and wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me properly.

"What a nice way to wake up," I smile genuinely, something I feel hasn't been done in a long time.

"I really don't know how i'll beat that date," he groans, rolling his head back as he holds me close. I pat his collarbone twice and push him away, pulling him towards the ship with our fingers intertwined.

I hear a distant beep from the ship and come to a halt, earning me a confused look from Poe. "We forgot about something," he crosses his brows. "Your son,"

He nods with a silent 'oh', and we walk towards the ship once again. The beeping from the spherical son becomes more consistent and we get into the ship, starting the passive aggressive and angry beeps.

"Yeah, I know buddy," Poe puts on his helmet and I sit in the seat next to him. "As soon as we get back I will get you to your charging station,"

BB-8's next remark makes my jaw go slack and I look at Poe who is rubbing his forehead in embarrassment. "Did I just translate that correctly?" I ask him, as I try not to laugh.

"I think so," he exhales deeply. "No, BB, we did not, and as you quote, _'do the dirty'_ and the fact you think I would do that on a first date shows how little you think of me," he turns to me with apologetic eyes.

"It's ok, kids have a mind of their own," I let my laughter come out in a small giggle.

We lift off and head towards home, making a note to thank the Ewoks for their hospitality throughout the night and making sure it all went smoothly.

Once we land at D'Qar, I can instantaneously feel my mother lurking in the hangar, patiently awaiting the arrival of me and her star pilot. We get out and there she is with a knowing smirk on her face.

"Don't even say a word," I warn her as Poe get's BB-8 out of the back of the ship and takes him away to get charged, giving me a final smirk and a wink before leaving the hangar.

"I wasn't going to," she holds her hands up in defence before turning all mom-like again. "But if he hurt you, I won't hesitate to demote him immediately,"

"I'm fine, in fact he did the complete opposite to hurting me," I begin to walk off, Kibo box in hand and ready to put into my book.

"Good," She says before turning to me. "What does that even mean? Y/N, what does that mean?" she shouts from across the mainly empty hangar.

"Nothing you're thinking of, Mom!" I shout back as I exit and head towards my room.

Once I get to my apartment, I sit at my desk and get a pen and paper out. I begin to write:

_Poe,_

_Thank you for a beautiful night. I might just like surprises now._

_Until next time,_

_Y/N Padme Breha Jaina Chewbacca Solo-Organa._

_X._

I leave and go to the mail office where I place my note inside of Poe's half full tray, probably full of fan mail rather than important things.

I go through the rest of my day with constant butterflies - as I have learned they are called - in my stomach, wondering what poe is up to and if he's wondering the same about me.

I think back to what he tried to get me to say only last night, but what feels like an eternity ago. And I might.

 _I might love Poe Dameron_.


	10. 10 - Strawberry Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just two idiots in love but are too scared to tell each other...

**_ Chapter 10 _ **

It had been a full month since my date with Poe, and I have never felt better. We made it a deal that every week we had to have a date night, and each one was better than the last. That first date seemed as though it would be hard to beat but with Poe, everything's better than before.

***

_Poe was taking me on another date. I felt bad that he wouldn't let me take him somewhere but I allowed it nonetheless._

_We went to an art museum that showed off the finest pieces from around the galaxy. We held hands all the way around the gallery, that is until we would get to the unique works of art and we would take turns to copy out whatever the person is doing in the piece. Poe was the best at it because I couldn't stop laughing when he tried to get a good photograph of me next to the statues or the paintings._

_He kept telling me that he would print them all out and keep them to look at so he could see my smile. I hit him for that. But kissed him afterwards._

****

That was our second date and I still don't know if he did what he said he would. I wasn't really planning on finding out soon either.

****

_Our third date, going to an Opera in Coruscant which we left halfway through because of how boring and unlike the both of us it was. Instead, we went to a diner located in one of the many buildings. We shared a shake and a portion of fry kind of things._

_I had a strange feeling walking around the city, it felt like something bad - really bad - had happened here but I ignored the feeling and continued wandering around the city I later learned my grandparents lived in._

_We came back to D'Qar and separated our ways, but not after a kiss goodbye._

****

Our third date was maybe my favorite so far. I saw how my previous relatives lived, whilst being with the best date, escaped the worst show i've ever seen and just talked over fries. Simple but very effective.

****

_We were told to stay on D'Qar in the case of any news on the maps whereabouts. It was crappy but Poe definitely made up for it._

_We flew to the empty training grounds and he brought BB-8 with us this time. We walked to the wooded space where I had first read his thoughts, where this relationship properly began._

_"BB, you know what to do," Poe said to me as he held my hand. BB-8 beeped happily and began playing a slow song from wherever his speaker is. "Dance?"_

_I nodded and put my arms around his neck, letting his hands drop to my waist as we begin to sway gently to the soft music. We whispered sweet nothings to each other as we danced, kissing gently as he dipped me when the song ended._

****

Tonight we had planned to do something else, go to a different planet and watch the sunset but alas, my mother had to step in and tell us not to. Again.

So, instead of actually allowing him to do anything for me I had decided that I would take matters into my own hands and plan my own date for once. I kept telling him that at some point I would but he just laughed. Oh well.

I told the kitchen that I would be needing the space at around 8:00, when Poe had agreed to meet with me. I guess being the general's daughter has some perks because before the news was spread, they would never have allowed me to take over their space and use their products - which I had promised to replace as soon as I could.

Tonight, me and Poe were going to make desserts and then binge eat them in my room over a movie or something. Nowhere near as romantic as Poe's previous ideas but I had the feeling that he was beginning to run out of good, romantic ones.

***

The rest of the day was spent checking over the x-wings from a recent mission we had as a squadron. It was boring but necessary if I wanted to keep my job. I got through it though, Poe not leaving my mind once.

The teasing from the rest of the squadron was incessant. They wouldn't shut up about Poe and I, they would make up scenarios where Wexley pretended to be Poe and Jessika was me. They would follow us around saying "I love you, Kibo," and other tugs at us, but that was the one that annoyed me the most.

I knew I loved him, but we weren't officially together yet. And I was getting tired of not being able to call him mine, even if it was completely against Jedi order to be in love or with someone. I didn't care anymore.

8:00 came around and I met Poe in the kitchen. He came in and kissed me hello, holding me close from the small of my back. "As much as I dislike not treating you tonight, I'm glad you are taking over. I'm rapidly running out of ideas," he laughed, his hot breath against my neck and sending chills down my spine as he rests his head on my shoulder.

"Well, let's get to it then, huh?" I walk over to the section of the kitchen I had claimed, where all the ingredients I had previously set up are.

"What are we making?" He snakes his arms around my waist and kisses my neck gently.

"Triple choc chip brownies, but you can do the chocolate covered strawberries. That's probably the easiest option for you," I tease him as I begin weighing out the flour and sugar.

"Hey!" He exclaims, moving away from me and taking his warmth with him. "I'll have you know that I am an exceptional cook!"

"You might be a good cook but i'm the better baker," I look up at him with a smirk and a raised brow, to which he shakes his head and gets to breaking up the chunks of chocolate into a bowl.

It takes me less time to make the brownies than it does for him to even get the chocolate fully melted. He is worried that he'll burn it and disappoint me, AKA hurt his ego by accepting that he can't melt chocolate in a bowl.

"Come on, dude," I take the spoon he's using and turn up the heat on the stove. "The brownies will be done and cooled before you can even get the strawberries out,"

"That's not true," he whines childishly. I give him another look as if to say _really?_ "Fine, you're the better baker and yes, you can help me,"

"Thank the force for that," I tease him once again. The chocolate melts within a minute, the entire time he spends scoffing and making excuses as to why it's working now.

I let him dip the strawberries and he places them all on a tray with an extremely gentle touch. I was right, the brownies were done before the strawberries were out of the fridge. I cut them into squares and placed them on a separate tray before we began the walk to my place.

Once we are in the corridor that leads to my apartment, he halts suddenly. "What?" I ask him, facing him from my door.

"I've never been in your room," he starts. "And that," he points to the door next to mine. "It's general Leia's, isn't it?"

"Yes, and there's a first time for everything," I tell him with a shrug and unlocking my door, gesturing for him to go in first.

He stops and looks around my apartment as I close the door and place the tray of brownies on my desk. "So, this is your place?" I nod at his question. "It's, um, it's big,"

"Is that a bad thing?" I look around the place that really isn't that big at all, there's a desk, a double bed, a hologram at the end of my bed for late night notices and movies and an ensuite bathroom with a bath and shower in one. I thought this is what everyone had.

"No, it's just bigger than mine and everyone else's i've seen," he places the strawberries on the desk next to my brownies.

"Really? I thought this was pretty bog-standard for the rooms," I shrug, feeling a little guilty that I get treated differently from the rest of the base and I didn't even know.

"Let's watch a movie or something? I need to take my mind off of everything," he mumbles the last part but I still hear it. I sit on my bed and pat the space next to me for him to sit as well which he does.

"Yeah? Like what?" he gives me a hesitant look and sighs but still doesn't open his normally loud mouth. "You can tell me, Poe," I reassure him, placing my hand over his as he lays next to me with his head on the headboard.

"Leia wants me to go to Jakku in a couple weeks," he tells me as his thumb begins to stroke my knuckles; something i have learnt is a nervous habit of his. "Alone,"

"Is this about Luke?" I ask, hoping for any news on my lost Uncle's whereabouts.

He nods. "There's someone who might have information or even better, the map," he pauses. "But I need to go alone,"

"And that's what my mother has said?" he just looks at me, _who else would have said that, stupid?_ "Then I can't really argue with her then,"

The room is silent, leaving us to our own thoughts. I don't want him to leave so soon. I know that we aren't exactly exclusive yet, but I don't know how much longer I can take it being that way before I take matters into my own hands.

"I don't want to leave you yet," he breaks the silence and I look up at him with a sad smile.

"I don't want you to leave me either," I lift up his hand that it intertwined with my own and place a soft kiss on his scarred knuckles.

He sighs harshly, making my attention switch from his hand to his ever burning eyes that currently show a hint of nervousness, for whatever the many reasons that is.

"What?" I frown, making it my turn to stroke his hand with my thumb.

"I've been wanting to say this since the moment I saw you in the mess hall," he swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing as he does. "Be with me?"

"Am I not with you right now?" I tease him and he rolls his head back with a groan.

"You know what I mean," he looks back down at me, sending the butterflies back into my stomach.

"Not sure I do," I only want to hear the words come out of his mouth, that is all I want.

"Yeah, you do,"

"Nope,"

"Yup,"

"Can't say that I recall,"

"Fine!" he breaks, finally. However, that doesn't take much with me around. "Y/N Padme Breha Jaina Chewbacca Solo-Organa,"

I hit his chest as he lets out a hearty laugh. "You said you promised you wouldn't say that out loud!" I whine with a loud giggle.

"Y/N?" he rolls his eyes.

"Yes?" I smile at him innocently.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I can't quite believe that he really said those words.

"I would love to be your girlfriend," I lean up and kiss him on the nose, which he scrunches up and moves away from. "What are you doing?"

"This," he releases my hand and moves his hands to my cheeks, stroking my temples for a moment as he stares with a seemingly gentle gaze, but the fire that I can see so clearly from this angle is burning bright and showing no signs of dimming any time soon.

Next thing I know, he places the most careful and sweet but passionate kiss onto my lips. "I really like you, Dameron," I mumble against his mouth, earning me a chuckle from his behalf.

"I really like you too, Kibo," he returns the action and pushes once again onto my lips.

The kiss deepens and becomes less sweet and more heated. His calloused digits move from my cheeks to my hips which I move with his touch onto his lap. He sits up a little as I straddle his waist with my hands tangled in his now mess of hair. His press on the small of my back causes my spine to arch and a small groan comes out from his mouth, only fueling the passion more.

He lets his lips travel to my cheek and then a little further to my jaw and then more to my neck and collarbone. He hits my sweet spot - that I never knew was there in the first place - and I let out a breathy moan that surprises both me and him. We separated for a moment, my hands still tangled in his hair and his firm around my waist.

"You're so beautiful," he says out loud, whether he intended that or not I don't care. For once I feel seen, comfortable in my own body, _beautiful_.

"Oh force," I reply breathlessly as I fall back into his embrace.

Without parting for air, I find my grip wandering down to the hem of his shirt without even noticing. I tug a little and he sits up to give me more leeway but I don't have enough courage to actually pull the shirt above his head so he does it for me. Pulling away, I take a moment to acknowledge his bare chest. Tanned and toned, the sight only excites me more and I pull my own shirt off and throw it across my room.

"Shit," he groans and he runs his palms up and down my now bare waist. "Are you sure?"

"I, I-" I mumble, not really knowing what to do. When I planned to wholesomely bake tonight, I never expected it to take such a quick turn. Never mind that, a month ago I never even expected that now I would be someone's girlfriend.

I can feel a little panic rising in my chest and my breaths start to get shaky under his hot touch. My eyes start to gloss up and my sight gets misty, panic covering my now boyfriend's face.

"Hey," he holds my cheeks again. "Hey, look at me,"

I divert my gaze to his brown orbs and I do feel my breathing become less sporadic, but I still can't fight the panicked sensation in my gut.

"You're ok," he lets me lay down onto his chest, allowing me to calm down further - only focusing on his steadily beating heart and the rise and fall of his chest.

"I don't want to disappoint you," I mumble, embarrassed. He chuckles a little, wrapping his strong arms around my fragile state.

"You could never disappoint me," he reassures me sweetly. "It's a big step in a relationship and never mind that - this is your first relationship. It's ok to take things slowly and if that's what you want - then it's what I want too,"

I nod against his chest, feeling as though if I let any words slip then I will just break down. He might be slightly egoistical, but he's still the nicest, sweetest man i've ever met.

We lay, bare tops (except from my ugly, but comfy, nude bra) and just embracing each other, wishing to keep this moment forever. After a while of just focusing on the slow, careful inhales and exhales that make my head move up and down with every breath, I look up at him; resting my chin on his chest. I shoot him a smile as he gives me a curious look, obviously wondering what's going on in my head.

"So much for taking it slow," I mutter to myself before continuing. "Would you like to stay the night?"

He seems shocked for a moment - which I had expected considering everything that has just happened.

"I was thinking you would never ask," a soft smile graces his demeanour as he leans over to me and pecks me on the nose, making me scrunch it in response.

*****

**_ 3rd person POV _ **

The new couple stayed within Y/N's room all night, spending their time watching some random comedy film in their comfiest pyjamas, however neither of them were really watching it. They sat and fed each other chocolate strawberries that Poe insisted he made, when she had the chance to, Y/N smushed a brownie into Poe's face; leaving crumbs everywhere but she didn't really mind. She would laugh loudly, not having a care in the world of what time it was or who they had awoken. For the first time in not days, not weeks, not months - years, Ben, her long lost brother turned bad, the person responsible for taking away all of her childhood innocence, the _thing_ responsible for the nightmares that have haunted her every night since it happened - didn't even cross her mind. Not once.

Poe remembers as he watches his new girlfriend talk about something her uncle Chewbacca and Dad convinced her to do that got her in heaps of trouble with her mother, about his father, Kes, telling him about how he felt towards his mother when they first became a couple. How he said he could just listen to her talk for hours, how he would be there at the drop of a pin if she needed him, how when she went into labour he wished that all the pain would be on him instead, and when she passed he felt like a part of his soul had been ripped from him and that he would never be the same again. He also remembers how when he first came into the New Republic, after dreaming of it for so many years, he said that he wouldn't let anything distract him from his job that he had worked so hard for but sitting on the girl's bed at, as he noticed on the alarm clock on her small table, 2:30 am - he realised that all of that was out of the window, gone away to another system. Because he knew he wouldn't be letting this girl go whether he could help it or not. He realises that everything his father told him about how he felt about Shara was now the exact same thing he was feeling about Y/N. And it was ripping him apart not being able to just shout "I love you!" from the rooftops. Because that's exactly what he wanted to do.

As their night went on separately from anyone else's in the whole base, and probably a lot later on as well, Leia lay in bed with a great feeling of peace filling her up. She couldn't sleep. The joyful sound of her daughter laughing so loudly that it could warm anyone's cold heart was too overpowering. The force that radiated off of her was nothing but pure happiness, not even the slightest ounce of regret, or anger, or sadness or guilt at all. And it was Dameron that made her feel that way. She couldn't help but wonder if somehow Han had felt the same calming sensation - wherever the hell he was. But with Han, came Ben. And the peace was gone. Could he feel it? How long will it be until he finds that she's not really dead? How would he react to something like that? Would he try and finish his first job?

Leia pondered this for a while, finding herself worrying for both her children but all of that is erased when she realises how silent everything is now. Even in slumber, she can feel the positivity powering off of her baby girl. Leia knows Poe is in there with her, probably holding her like she deserves to be held but it's not like she's going to storm in and tell him to get out. She's 26 - which Leia still couldn't quite comprehend - and by the time Leia was 26 she had already met her soulmate, her twin she didn't know existed, gotten captured by her own father, defeated the empire, gotten married _and_ was pregnant with her first child that she gave up her Jedi duties for and Maker, so much more than just that. She would admit that she was definitely surprised at how easily her daughter gave in to Poe, not that she knows how he did it and she absolutely didn't want to know how either, but she knew he just had that _effect_ on people, his mother was the same. But her daughter had just gotten her first boyfriend and she wasn't going to intrude on that.

Force knows what Han would do when he found out but that's something for future Y/N, Poe and Leia to worry about.

In the room next door, Y/N had fallen asleep with her back against Poe as he held her close. He couldn't sleep. He just had a constant replay of her beautiful smile in his head and it wasn't leaving anytime soon. He had one arm wrapping her up close towards him, almost as if she would just slip away from him at any moment, and the other stroking her soft Y/H/C hair.

In that moment he noted that he didn't care that he was the resistance's best pilot or poster boy, or that he knew any ship and everything about them just by glimpsing at it, or that he could understand more languages than the average person, or that there was so many young hopefuls who joined the resistance just because of him. All of that didn't matter anymore, because if he wasn't with Y/N then he was no one.

The mental image of his mother's ring that he wears around his neck when he goes on missions pops into his head and he knows one thing for sure:

 _One day_ , He thinks; _that ring will no longer be around my neck, it'll be on her finger._


	11. 11 - Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just two idiots in love who finally confess after a tense argument...

**_ Chapter 11 _ **

**_ Y/N's POV _ **

Tonight was the last night. My final night with my boyfriend before he went off on his ridiculously classified mission and I couldn't be more confused with my emotions. On one hand, I'm ecstatic that there might be a chance of getting my lost uncle Luke back. But on the other hand, I just have a bad feeling. A _really_ bad one.

Rubbing my hands together and creating heat from the friction, I sit down in my quiet space. A space that I had found many years ago where everything was gentle, away from the franticness at the base when I needed to try and connect with Luke. But obviously never achieving that.

For the first time in years, I had decided to come back, sit down and meditate. I had a plan and whether it would work or not I had no idea but I had to try.

Exhaling softly, I close my eyes and focus on the force, attempting to make any connection with any form of hope for the resistance. After a while, I felt the gentle heat of D'Qar go away and being replaced with the scorching heat of a desert, knowing that from the harsh feeling of large amounts of sand hitting my face, but not necessarily hurting too much.

Raising a hand up to cover my eyes, I open them to be temporarily blinded by the bright light. I stand up and look around the plain desert, noting a hut held up by metal poles and being protected by various sheets of brown and beige fabric. It looked like some kind of shop and seeing a small sign with a language I don't know confirms that. I think.

Considering that this hut is the only thing for miles - or so i'm supposing - I'm guessing that my 'hope' was in there. Why else would the force have brought me here? Watching the hut for a while, nothing. Until there is some loud shouting.

"That's it?" a female voice groans loudly, with an accent I don't recall hearing before now. I don't hear the reply but with the yell that the female produces afterwards, I'm guessing it was not what she wanted to hear.

The next thing I know, I watch a female body exit the hut but I can't see their face as it is covered in fabrics to keep the sun from scolding their face. From the moment she leaves the hut, I can feel the force radiating off of her. It's almost overwhelming. She's strong, but she doesn't know she even has it yet. I can tell that much. She hops onto a speeder that I hadn't even noticed until now, and starts it up. However, before she sets off and away to wherever she is headed, she turns. I feel a wave of panic as she turns and I disconnect from the force, taking me back to the now pouring down with rain wooded area on D'Qar.

I pant with shaky breaths, slightly in shock from the quick climate change. I can't help but wonder if she saw me there, standing in the middle of the desert on whatever planet I was taken to.

 _How long have I been out here for?_ I ask myself as drops of rain fall off of my nose and from my hairline. My hair - that I had straightened that morning - was starting to wave from the dampness. My clothes are so soaked that they had turned sheer. I shiver as I wrap my arms around myself and stand up to walk towards the main camp.

D'Qar storms aren't simple. They come harsh and cold. I'm sure it's worse in other places but they're quite rare to Q'Qar. I have a theory that they only ever come before something bad happens.

For some unknown reason, a dizzy spell hits me like a ton of bricks and I hold onto a thick trunk for stability as I touch my head, as if that would make the spinning halt. It doesn't stop and before I know it, everything turns black.

*****

Bright light blinds me as the black turns to white. My head pounds as I come back into consciousness. _Where am I?_ Upon further speculation, I notice that I am in a medibay bed with a bundle of thick blankets on top of me. A monitor next to the bed shows a steady heart rate coming from myself.

I sigh, knowing now where Iam but another question fills my mind. _How did I get here?_ I look to my other side and my question is answered. Poe is sitting on the chair next to me with his eyes closed in slumber.

 _How the roles have changed_ , I joke in my head, stifling out a chuckle to myself. I notice his hand holding my own and I stroke it with my thumb, feeling whole in my chest. He stirs a little and I stop, not wanting to wake him up. Knowing him, he's probably been up for hours just in case I needed him.

"Miss Solo-Organa?" A younger looking nurse peeks her head through the curtain that separates us from the rest of the ward.

"Please, Y/N is fine," I smile at her kindly.

"Sorry, Y/N," She enters the makeshift room. "How are you feeling? You were not doing well when he brought you in,"

"I have a headache, but nothing that isn't manageable so far," she notes that down on her pad. "What do you mean, 'Not doing well?'. What happened?"

"I'm not too sure, overexertion from the look of your file but also a mild case of hypothermia but nothing that won't be fixed with a good sleep and some pain meds," She sends me a sweet smile, making me feel safer in my now less confused state. "So, the rumours are true?"

"What?" I ask her, curious of the on-base chatter that I realise now I am less included in since people found out about my family.

"About you and commander Dameron?" She whispers, almost nervously.

"Depends, what is the rumor?" I urge her on, desperate for any kind of gossip.

She shakes her head with a small laugh but she must notice my saddening look and softens up. "That you two are together?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think we were really that discreet about it?" I respond.

"I just hear things from patients sometimes," she checks my vitals, typing them onto the datapad.

"What's your name?" I wonder, sitting up slightly.

"Elara," she replies with a friendly tone. "But most people call me El,"

"Well, El," I start. "Thank you,"

She nods and leaves me and my pilot alone. I want nothing more than for him to wake up and fill me in on everything, just so that i'm not stuck in my own ponderings.

_Who is the female? Why did the force take me to this place? Where is it? Will I find out sooner? Or later?_

"Y/N?" I snap out of my trance and turn my attention to my boyfriend, who is now awake. "Are you ok? You're squeezing my hand really tight,"

A moment of realization hits me and I let go off his hand completely, bringing it up to my chest and holding my wrist, rubbing it harshly.

"I don't have the force," he says, I turn to him in confusion. "I can't see what's going on inside your pretty head,"

"Trust me," I mumble. "You don't want to,"

"Yes, yes I do," he moves the chair closer to me. "We're in this together and I can't tell what you're thinking about all the time like you can with me and-"

"Wait what?" I cut him off and his facial expression turns to one like a deer in headlights. "You think that I look inside of your head? Poe, fuck, I would never do that,"

"I know, I know! Just sometimes I feel weak because you have this power and I don't and you could just look inside my brain whenever you want and i'd never even know about it,"

I stare at him in disbelief. Is he _really_ accusing me of this?

Speechless, I let frustrated exhales leave my mouth and get out of the bed, the freezing floor sending chills down my spine. I pick up my dressing gown and throw it around my body, grabbing my bag of clothes I'm sure my mother brought for me. "What are you doing?" he asks me, standing up from the chair.

"I'm going home," I reply blatantly as I throw the bag onto my shoulder.

"You can't do that, you have to be discharged," he sighs in vexation.

I turn to him with a glare. "Watch me," I leave the room and start towards the exit, still hearing the rain pouring down outside.

I get a few confused looks from the night nurses as they stand up in objection to my leaving. I hear Poe not far behind me tell them that he'll "sort it out", making me groan and roll my eyes in response.

Leaving the medibay and stepping into the rain, the wetness shocks me and I stand frozen for a second before I continue my strop.

"Kibo," Poe shouts behind me as the drops soak through my clothes already with how heavy they're coming down. "Kibo!"

I ignore him further. "Y/N!" His tone turns angry and exasperated, forcing me into a halt. He catches up to me and grabs my wrist and turns me towards him.

"What?" I shout in his face, feeling the hot tears filling up in my eyes. "What, Poe?"

"Why are you acting like this?" he exclaims loudly, matching my harsh tone. I haven't seen Poe angry before and I don't like it; but he made me angry too.

" _Why am I acting like this_? Because, Poe," I take a shaky breath. "You really think that little of me? You _seriously_ think that I would do something so psycho as to look into your head? I have not been gifted with this power, no. I hate it. I _hate_ how it just pushes people away, how it makes me able to feel every emotion radiate off of people I don't even know, how it's the one cause for every little or large thing that has made my life more miserable."

He stands, obviously not knowing what to say.

"You know what else I hate?" I restart. "My last name, and I used to love it. I don't get seen as the daughter of a princess and a warrior and a general and scavenger and pilot and hero. No, instead i'm seen as the sister of the person who wants to take all the good out of the world, the little, weak sister of big man Kylo Ren,"

I can't tell whether it's the rain or tears falling down my cheeks, but his face changes from angry to sad in seconds.

"But there's so many things I love," I swallow my shaky breath, not wanting to sound so fragile. "I love my mom, my dad, the resistance, Chewbacca, Naboo, Ben, Luke, flying, travelling to new places, using this 'gift' I have for good if I can, you,"

I catch myself but he hears what I said, I know that much. His eyes turn soft and his previously scrunched up brows go back to normal. I take the quick moment to look at his demeanour properly. His hair is flat on his head, no longer holding the voluminous curls it usually does from the rain. His shoulders have dropped, but whether that's just happened or they've been like this the whole time, I have no idea.

"I love you Poe," I allow the shaky breaths to exit my lips as they shiver from the cold. "I love how kind you are to people you don't even know, how you scrunch your eyebrows and let your tongue stick out when your doing your checks, how you insist that BB-8 is not your son when we all know that's not true, how you always know - even if it's not intentional - when I just need to be held, how hotheaded you are and how you put everything you have into what your passionate about. I love how you make me feel beautiful, especially when I don't believe it myself. I have never in my life felt so strongly towards anyone and I love you,"

The area around us is silent, and that's never good when you admit something so open like I just have. The rainfall continues persistently as we stand in the middle of the muddy base, just looking into each others eyes.

After what feels like the longest time, he speaks.

"I love you too," and just like that he brings his hands up to cup my face and I lift my own to his neck, holding him close but not connecting. "I love you, Kibo. You are unlike anyone else I have ever met and you make me feel things I have never felt for anyone else and I love you too, so so much,"

Finally, we connect with a sense of urgency and sadness but also sweetness and for the first time - or for the first time we are realising this - love.

"I love you," I mumble against his lips, not having a care in the universe about the falling raindrops and gathering thunder around us. It's just him and I against everything else.

When we part, we hold each other close. His head rests on my own and I keep mine close to his chest, focusing on his speeding heartbeat. Suddenly I have a realisation and pull away from him, leaving him confused.

"Dude," I start. "We just had our first fight,"

His face contorts into an expression of surprise. "Oh yeah we did!" he responds excitably. He holds his hand up for a high five, which I take the opportunity for. After I hit his hand, he grabs my own and holds it close to his mouth, kissing it softly.

"But let's agree to never do that again, ok?" I look at him with a sad smile. He nods.

"Never again, please?" he kisses my fist again. "I'm really sorry I upset you, my love,"

My heart flutters at the new nickname and nod in response. "I know, you just hurt my feelings is all,"

"I never want to do that. I just word vomited and didn't think of what I was saying," he holds me close against his wet black shirt and I close my eyes in contentment.

"Happens to the best of us," I sigh happily, not wanting him to feel worse than he already evidently does.

"At least it lead us here," he chuckles lightly and I agree silently. "Which reminds me, we should probably go and get dried up and warm,"

"My place?" I ask him, looking up to his face. He kisses the tip of my nose and pulls away, keeping a hold of my hand.

"Let's go," we begin to walk up towards my room which over the last week or so has turned into _our_ room. I have no objections whatsoever.

When we finally arrive, I unlock the door and throw my bag onto the table by the entrance with a groan. Looking through my drawers, I realise there's an awful lot of his stuff already piling up in them. I laugh to myself and pull out a pair of warm pyjama pants and a vest top to wear to bed, throwing him a pair of his own bottoms to wear.

"You're going to have to turn around," I wink at him as I fiddle with the robe's belt.

He steps towards me. "You sure I do?" he responds, low and dark, making my mind go into overdrive.

"Positive," I smirk at him playfully. I watch him turn with a whine and turn from him as well, but I know he's still watching me.

I take off my robe and take off my top, at which point I hear his steps coming towards me. He gently pulls my hair back and moves it all to my right shoulder. He presses small kisses on the open side of my neck, tilting my head to give him more leverage to work with.

The gentle pecks turn into a harsher, but not too strong, nibble and I roll my head back in a moan onto his shoulder, breathing deeply as he continues.

He does this for a few more moments, leaving marks I know will be prominent in the morning.

"Poe?" he kisses my jaw and hums in reply. "I think i'm ready,"

He stops and I whine internally, wishing for the contact to be there again. "You're sure? Like, positive?"

"I don't think I could be more sure," I turn and kiss him passionately. Pulling away, he looks into my eyes and I can see the fire blazing behind his own, brighter than I have ever seen it before.

He picks me up by the underside of my thighs and I laugh loudly, hoping I don't wake anyone around me. He lays me gently on my bed, kissing down my chest, then my stomach and then reaching my thighs. He looks up at me for final confirmation, which I give him in the form of a needy moan. A smirk grazing on his face, he kisses the inside of my thighs and a knot in my stomach bundles up like i've never felt before.

And ...

You all know what happens next ;)

****

Laying under my covers, sweaty and exhausted - not to mention stark naked - I rest my head on his chest as he lies with an around my shoulder. I play methodically with his limp fingers, every now and then he plays back and fights for dominance.

I couldn't think of anything better, sitting in silence with the person you love whilst the rain falls down lighter than before from outside, legs tangled together and just in pure bliss.

"Poe?" he hums in reply. "What happened to me?"

"When you were in the medibay?" I agree and he sighs. "When the rain started coming down heavier, everyone was ordered in doors, when you weren't anywhere I argued with your mom and went out looking for you,"

"And?" I urge him on.

"And I found you in the middle of a forest covered in mud and twigs, freezing cold and pulse slow. I don't think I've ever ran so fast in my life," I stifle a laugh at his words but stop when I notice his genuine feared tone. "I can't even explain how I felt when I saw you just laying there, what the hell were you doing there?"

"I-" I don't know how to explain it exactly. "I tried meditating for the first time in a long time, went quite a lot further than I should've done and I guess my body couldn't handle it. Wrong place at the wrong time, you know?"

"Ok," he presses a kiss to my temple and I look up at him, noticing the pain in his eyes. "Next time you meditate, please tell me or do it somewhere that isn't the middle of a woods no one knows about?"

I laugh and nod. "Of course. Enough about me, how are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"In all honesty? Completely fine," he seems surprised at himself. "But I guess i've had other things to distract me from getting nervous," He winks at me and I hit his chest. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Terrified you're not going to come back," I respond genuinely.

"For you, Kibo, I'll always come back," he kisses my lips softly and holds me closer. "I promise,"

"I love you," I say as I feel my eyes begin to grow heavy.

"I love you more,"

"Doubt it,"

We stay in silence for a while longer but eventually we both fall asleep as a tangle of limbs and feeling content with everything, feeling like nothing could ruin this moment we are sharing right now.

If this is what love feels like all the time, I never want to be out of it.


	12. 12 - Great Feelings Of Discomfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe leaves for Jakku and the reader gets a bad feeling. A VERY bad feeling.

**_ Chapter 12 _ **

Fire. lots of it. Screams from women and children. A stormtrooper. A bloody handprint. An exploding ship. A prisoner. Kylo Ren.

I sit up with a quick inhale. _What in the maker was that dream?_ I calm my breathing down, resting my head on my hands and realising now how truly sweaty I am.

"Love?" an arm, Poe's, wraps around my waist as he scooches closer to me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a bad dream," I lie back down, allowing him to hold me close as the big spoon.

"Ok," he presses a kiss to the side of my head and I feel as though he has taken all the badness away from my mind as he does so. "I love you,"

"I love you too," I let my eyes droop heavily again, and slumber takes over my body in a more peaceful matter than before.

But as I fall asleep, I can't help but wonder what that dream meant. Was it a dream at all?

****

My eyes widen quickly at the sound of a slow knock. Poe, who has his arms still tightly around me, whines and snuggles his head into my neck.

"Who is that?" I groan as the knocking stays constant. I throw the cover off of me but I don't necessarily want to get up yet. It means I would be leaving Poe and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could before my mother throws him into an x-wing and sends him to do whatever it is he does in Jakku.

Getting frustrated by the knock, I get up and out of my bed; grabbing my dressing gown and putting it on before going to the door. Poe shifts uncomfortably and grabs hold of my pillow, attempting to replicate his hold on me. I go to the door and look through the peephole, nothing there but the knocking continues.

Opening it, I am greeted with BB-8 who looks up at me and beeps with a confused tone. "No, he's still asleep," I let him enter and he rotates over to his dad. "How long until he has to go?"

 _1 hour._ I only get one more hour with my boyfriend and then he's off doing Maker knows what.

With a saddened sigh, I kneel down on Poe's side of the bed and stroke some of the hair off of his face. "Poe," I whisper. "You need to get up,"

I kiss his cheek gently and he stirs under the contact. "But why?" he whines childishly.

"You're supposed to be going in an hour," his eyes snap open in panic and he sits up rapidly.

"Is it really 2:00 already?" he asks, making me just as confused as he is. He notices BB-8 after he beeps in confirmation and he pulls the cover over him quickly. "Get him out, I'm naked!"

" _Naked?!_ " BB-8 responds almost angrily as I urge him back into the hallway. I string of impolite words leave his speakers through a variety of robotic noises as I close the door and he shakes his head disappointedly going down the hallway.

I sit back down on the bed next to Poe and he holds me close by the waist. "I don't want you to go," I tell him, a little guilty with how selfish I'm feeling.

"I don't want to leave you either, but we have jobs to do, a galaxy to keep safe," he pecks my temple and sighs. "When all of this is over I promise we can spend days like this,"

I look up to him with a smile, feeling tingly in my stomach at the thought of being with him for so long. "You better stick to that," I pat his cheek and he chuckles. "Come on then, Flyboy,"

I draw away from him and stand up but he grabs my hand and keeps it held tight as I start to try and pull away.

"You have to get up sooner or later, Dameron," I tug against his grasp but to no avail.

"I'd much rather it be later," he mumbles as he lets me go and starts getting changed into his clothes from yesterday.

"You know that's exactly what your boss, AKA my mother doesn't want though, huh?" I dress into a pair of leggings and a thick jumper to shield me from the colder day after the rain all night that has now cleared.

"I know," muttering under his breath, he stands up, ready for the mission ahead of him. "Do you mind if we stop off at mine for a minute? Need to get fresh clothes or else we will never hear the end of it from Snap and Jessika,"

With a laugh, I nod and fix my hair in the mirror. He comes up behind me and kisses my cheek, placing his large hands on my hips.

"Let's go get breakfast," I turn to face him, giving him a gentle kiss before I push him away.

Hand in hand, we walk for a while before he stops at a doorway and looks at me. "Welcome to my humble abode," he winks as he unlocks the door and enters, I follow just after him.

It's true, the room is quite a bit smaller than mine. Still has an ensuite bathroom but other than that: a bed, a desk, a chair, a lamp and a wardrobe with basically the same outfit repeated in it.

I stroke my hand on the surface of his desk, looking at the pictures placed carefully on it. I pick up one of a woman, young looking but still aged. Absolutely beautiful nonetheless. He has her eyes, maybe a sister?

"Who's this? She's stunning," I present him with the photograph as he puts on a new black long sleeved top.

"My mom," a saddened smile appears on his face. "She was,"

_Was._

"Poe, I'm so sorry," I bite my lip, feeling an immense sense of guilt. "I had no idea,"

"It's alright, love," he chuckles as he hands the picture back to me. "It was a long time ago,"

I place the image back on the desk and point to one of Poe and an aged man with defined features, also sharing similar qualities to my pilot.

"Your dad?" I point to the photo and he nods. "You can't half tell,"

"Everyone says that," he moves to stand by my side, hands on his hips and a smile on his face. "Your mom knew mine, you know?"

"Really? She's never mentioned her before," I look at his mother again, seeing more and more similarities in Poe than before.

"She was her personal pilot for about a year after the battle of Endor," he turns and makes a note, placing it on his bedside table before returning to my side. "Shara Bey, she was the one who taught me how to fly when I was young,"

"I might have heard the name before," I tell him, trying to think through the many things my mother has told me. "I've been told a lot of stories from those years,"

He picks up one last thing that I don't see and puts on his brown and red leather jacket before taking my hand and leaving his room.

_Don't think I didn't I didn't see the picture of me at the museum on our second date. He told me he didn't have any more than what he showed me. Obviously not._

****

After a speedy breakfast, we head towards the hangar where an older x-wing has been prepared for him in advance and in secret.

My mom and BB-8 are chatting at the space the ship sits in. When they see us, mom gives me a raised eyebrow and a smirk. BB-8 obviously told her about when he came into my room before.

"Good morning, Commander Dameron. I have heard you've had an _interesting_ one of that," I cover my face in embarrassment whilst Poe's face goes bright red.

"Mom?" she hums in reply, turning to me. I shake my head, feeling extremely awkward "No,"

"Later," she says.

"No!" I repeat myself, earning me a motherly glare.

"Later," I roll my eyes as she turns to Poe, who is still redder than I've ever seen him before. "You know what you're doing, Dameron. Get that map, come back,"

"Yes, General," he nods to her and she places a hand on his shoulder, patting it twice before removing it and walking off; probably to the comms centre.

"I'm sorry about her," I stand in front of him, straightening his jacket and dusting off his shoulders. "You don't need this today,"

"It's fine, amor," he holds my cheek in his calloused hand as I give him a confused look due to the new nickname. "It's 'love' in a language my father taught me when I was a kid,"

"I like it," I turn my head and press a kiss to the palm of his hand. "You better not die out there,"

"I promise I won't; I don't break promises easily," he holds my head close to his chest. "I need to give you something,"

He lets me go and puts his hand into an inside pocket before pulling out a chain with a ring on the end.

"It's my mother's," I look up at him as he takes my hand and gently places the necklace in my palm. "She told me to give it to the right person when it felt right - and it does,"

"Poe," I say, not being able to let anything else out of my throat.

"Will you wear it for me?" he asks me, a nervous but hopeful look covering his face.

"Of course," I hand it back to him and turn, moving my hair so he can do the latch on it. He puts it around my neck, the ring landing on my sternum centrally. Looking back at him, he takes the ring in his hand and kisses it before kissing me.

"Don't die, I love you," I remind him once again, getting a nod in reply.

"I love you more," he smiles before stroking a piece of hair behind my ear.

And before I know it, BB-8 is in place and Poe is waving at me through the window and then he's taking off, going to wherever he is.

I walk back to the comms center, holding the ring tightly as I take every step. I never realised how lonely it feels walking around the base without anyone next to me. For months, I've had Poe here and now he's not and I can't shake the feeling that I'm not really at home.

"Miss Solo-Organa?" the posh voice of the droid i'm so familiar with, C3-PO, catches my attention. I look around, not even realising that I had reached the HQ. "I'm sensing great feelings of discomfort, may I ask what is the matter?"

"Just thinking of things, 3PO. That's all," I smile at him and go to my mother's side.

She nudges me and smirks but that expression is quickly wiped away when she sees my own. "He'll be back soon, dear. He knows what he's doing,"

"I know, I just had a dream last night and I don't have a good feeling," she mutters something under her breath. "What?"

"I think I might have had the same dream,"

"It wasn't a dream at all, was it?" her face is blank. "It was a premonition,"

_Well shit._

****

It had been nearly 3 hours since Poe left and every second was torture. We hadn't heard anything at all and meeting with someone not too far away does not take this long.

"Mom?" I get her attention as she hides her stress by leaning over a tracker. "What's wrong?"

She looks immensely guilty. "The x-wing just went offline,"

"What?" I exclaim, my voice breaking slightly. "What about BB-8?"

"Not yet," she places a hand over my shaking one. "If he was in any danger he would send a distress signal and he hasn't, have hope,"

"I do, i'm," I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "I'm just worried,"

"I get it," she gives me a calming smile - one of her many talents. "Believe me I do,"

****

"It's been too long, I'm going to do it," I pace around the comms room after another hour.

"Ok," mom says to me, taking me back a little. _Didn't expect that._

I nod and leave the HQ, leaving to go to my spot in the forest. Sitting down, I put my focus on Lor San Tekka - the man who my mother says Poe went to see.

When I open my eyes again, I almost fall back in shock. Fire and destruction is everywhere. A circle of villagers, Lor San Tekka among them, lay in the centre of the village. All dead. Looking up into the sky, I see exactly what I had expected. The first order. Among them, Kylo Ren.

I snap out of the force connection and find myself running. To where? I have no idea right now.

Without even noticing, I'm putting on my flight suit and helmet and getting into an old x-wing.

"Y/N!" I look behind me from where I'm standing on the ladder to the cockpit. Of course it's my mother. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Something really bad has happened," she urges me to continue with a single look. "I think Kylo Ren has Poe,"

She shudders slightly and I shock myself. That's the first time I haven't referred to him as Ben since he left. I've just accepted that he's gone now, he isn't family anymore. But Poe is and Kylo Ren is hurting him.

She nods hesitantly. "Be safe," I come down from the ladder and hug her tightly. "I can't lose you either,"

"You won't, mom," I pull away and look at her, wiping her eyes that are forming a few tears. "Not ever,"

I kiss her cheek, giving her a confident smile as if i'm not shitting bricks too, and get into the x-wing. I turn on all the necessary switches and press all the needed buttons and I take off.

_Jakku. What do you have in store for me?_


	13. 13 - Bad Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets into a bit of trouble with the First Order and some new, VERY important information is revealed...

**_ Chapter 13 _ **

**_ 3rd person POV _ **

Poe stood behind a barrier of sand as he watches his trusty droid roll away to safety with the slither of hope they have of finding Luke Skywalker. Gun aimed straight ahead as the first order ship he can't help but gawk at for a moment, lands. The hatch opens as Lor San Tekka is held tightly towards the huge ship with bird like wings. He watches attentively as his other half's twisted older brother steps out of the ship, mask on and towering over everyone around them.

He finds himself holding onto the slightly crumpled picture of the two he had snuck into his pocket when they were on their second date. He had taken it out of the x-wing in the knick of time before it was caught by troopers. "Guess it's time to meet the rest of the family, Kibo," he mutters to himself as he sees the scene unfolding before him.

He can't quite hear the chatter between Kylo Ren and Lor San Tekka but he knows now that he obviously knew Ben Solo.

"You can try, but you cannot deny the truth that is your family," the older man remarks wisely in the hope that it might trigger some of the light they all know is deep within the notorious Kylo Ren. Poe could swear in that moment he saw Ren glimpse at where he was.

"You are so right," Ren responds, almost humanely. That is, however, completely erased when he pulls out his hilt and slashes the elderly man harshly, leading to his immediate death.

Poe, not thinking whatsoever, shoots his gun but the laser doesn't even reach two meters away when both the blue bullet and himself become paralysed at the hand of his girlfriend's brother.

As two troopers grab ahold of his arms, his legs become moveable but weak. He takes a look at the floating blue energy, wondering for a second if Y/N could do that - but he erases his mind when he realises how easily Kylo could take a peek inside his head. He wasn't going to have the woman he loves taken from him that easily or quickly.

He grunts slightly as he is thrown to the floor, keeping his eye level away from the towering man in front of him. That is until he crouches and forces them to remain eye contact.

"So who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?" he jokes lightly. Everyone knows that Poe uses his blunt humour to try and ignore serious or tense situations.

"The old man gave it to you," Ren states blankly, feeling frustrated at his loss underneath the mask that covered his long, black hair and face.

"You see it's very hard to understand you with all the-" the pilot gestures to his face as the apprentice stands again.

"Search him," he is pulled up by the two stormtroopers and patted down.

"Nothing, sir," the one on his left tells their leader.

"Bring him on board," Ren turns and starts his walk towards his ship.

Even now, Poe can't help but think _"I bet this ship is fast as hell,"_ .

As the poster boy is dragged towards the ship, Ren is paused by Phasma. "Sir, the villagers?" She hated not being in a position where he had to refer to her as 'Ma'am' or something stronger than he is. She feels inferior being so strong yet so inferior just for her gender.

"Kill them all," he responds calmly, but that's completely opposite to how he was truly feeling. On his command, the troopers aim at all of the town's villagers and begin shooting all of them - men, women and children - on Captain Phasma's command.

The noises of the blasters startle Poe and he regretfully looks at the cowering innocents who are all wondering what they did to deserve this fate.

However, among the troopers there is one. The one with the bloody handprint on his helmet who aims, but never shoots. He can't bring himself to it. Something inside of him was telling him that it wasn't right - even if he had been programmed to believe it was since birth.

Kylo Ren felt the uncertainty of the nameless stormtrooper. FN-2187. He stopped in his tracks, feeling a sensation of the light side coarse through his cold hard soul. He glimpses at the trooper, who is stood staring back at him. Underneath his mask, Kylo's nose flares and he continues the small trek to his ship, letting the blue laser release and continue it's path through gravity, firing into the tower where the entire lifeless village lay.

FN jumps at the explosion but stays put, almost as if he's frozen to the spot. That is until he is ushered back to the trooper's transport.

3 miles away now, the droid continues rolling through the sandy dunes. Turning at a huge explosion - undoubtedly from the x-wing they traveled in. he lets out a curious beep only to replace it with a saddened one. He hopes his master got out of there, for his sake, the resistance's, but also his girlfriend's - whom he had unbeknownst to her, promised himself to when he gave her that necklace before they left earlier that day.

****

Poe is escorted out of the transport, tugging at the trooper's grip on his arm. "Alright," he argues. "Alright!" He manages to break free but is quickly taken ahold of once again by a different trooper as he gets distracted by his surroundings.

Gawking at the sights of all the imperial soldiers and ships, he can't help but think " _Imagine what Y/N would think of all this?_ "

Behind him as he's dragged off to Force knows where on this huge ship, FN-2187 wanders aimlessly, attempting to find a place for a moment of peace. He steps into the same transport he was brought in and pants as he takes off his mask. He realises for the first time in his miserable, forceful life that what the first order is doing? It's wrong. Very, very wrong.

"FN-2187, submit your blaster for inspection," he jumps at the sound of his trainer's voice in the small container.

"Yes, Captain," he can't bring himself to look at her. He despises her for the way he has been forced into everything that is bad about the galaxy.

"And who gave you permission to remove your helmet?" she sounds tired.

"I'm sorry, Captain," his breathing slows down.

"Report to my division at once," she leaves the container and the turning trooper.

****

Poe's eyes flicker open as he reawakens from hours of torture and gruelling interogation from troopers and generals alike. Surprisingly, he doesn't give up too easily - something his other half knows well. Of whom is currently flying to Jakku in the search for him.

He takes a moment to regain his breath in the cold climate of the ship, feeling the dried blood on his temple cracking as he scrunches his brows.

"I had no idea we had the best pilot in the resistance on board," the monotone, robotic voice forces him to look in that direction. In front of him, Kylo Ren. "Comfortable?"

"Not really," he tells the caped man with an annoyed tone.

"I'm impressed," Ren stalks towards the pilot. "No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map,"

"Might want to rethink your technique," he tells the man sarcastically.

A gloved hand raises in front of his head and he feels a tug on his mind, something he has only felt once before that day in the forest.

However, this isn't gentle and kind. This is painful and full of bad intentions. His head is thrown against the metal chair he has been strapped to for who knows how long. The shooting pain gets larger and larger and he starts to lose his breath.

"Where is it?" Ren asks him impatiently.

"The resistance," he gasps. "Will not be intimidated by you,"

"Where," Kylo continues, growing tired of the pilot's little games. "Is it?"

His entire head hurts like a planet-shattering migraine. He doesn't even realise he is yelling in pain until after everything turns black.

The hooded giant exits the interrogation room, feeling content but shaken with his newest findings. He greets General Hux outside with a simple, "it's in a droid, a BB unit,"

"Well then," Hux fights a smirk. "If it's on Jakku we'll soon have it,"

"I leave that to you," Kylo begins to walk away but turns back to the insanely irritating ginger haired general. "And tell supreme leader Snoke I need to speak with him as soon as I can,"

"What is that in regards to?" Hux resists the urge to roll his eyes at his orders to fulfill all of Ren's orders.

"The original apprentice," he tells him, conflicting feelings of relief and of anger bubbling in his chest. "It seems as though she is not as dead as we previously believed,"

With that, he turns and walks away to slash up some room with the anger and betrayal he is feeling. But the news that Ben Solo's sister is still alive after 10 years of believing she was six feet under is challenging his dark beliefs and exchanging them with, for the first time in a long time, love and relief.

But now, he knows his job. Get that grown up girl, and bring her to Snoke. He already knows that the girl could be what brings the first order to its knees, she has enough strength to do that. Snoke will be delighted to hear that his original target is seemingly alive and well. But Kylo knows, deep down, that Ben Solo's sister will never move to the dark side of the force. Why else would Snoke move to Ren? He couldn't even get through the barrier of innocent light that surrounded her all those years ago.

_How would he be able to do that now?_


	14. 14 - Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain person(s) helps bring you back home, in more ways than one...

**_ Chapter 14 _ **

I fly through space preparing to go into light speed. It feels strange not having a voice in my ear constantly but nonetheless, it's quite relaxing. Just not when you consider the situation I am in currently.

When the computer tells me to, I pull the lever and go into light speed. I have only done this a couple of times and both of them I was with Poe. I blink away the thought and watch myself near the desert planet of Jakku. I push the lever back into place, expecting everything to go smoothly like it always has before.

It does.

Lies.

Coming out of the neon blue tunnel, the first thing I see is a giant metal scrap yard. Or more specifically, A huge abandoned ship that has worn down over many years and scavenger visits.

I gasp loudly as I try to swerve to avoid the spires sticking out but it doesn't work, I only fly into another spire. Everything spins for a minute before I feel the impact of the ship crash into the sand harshly.

I can't feel any immediate pain but my head is pounding and my ears are ringing loudly. I take off my piloting gloves and hold the ring around my neck close to my heart.

As my eyes get heavy and start to tear up, I can't help but wonder if when I wake up I'll be with my mom and dad and Poe again or whether I'll be with uncle Ben, Pops and Nana Padme who met her fate at the same age as me.

With my final glimpse before everything turns black, I see a silhouette. Whether it's a figment of my imagination or real? No idea. But whatever happens, I know that my last thought before I go was everyone that I have ever loved - even the people i've never even met before.

****

I awake with a gasp as I sit up only to be laid back down again. "Hey hey hey," I hear a woman's voice. One that sounds similar to 3PO with the accent. "You're ok, you're safe,"

"Where am I? What happened?" I ask with a shaky tone. It all comes back to me in a second so I stop the girl who's face I have yet to see. "Nevermind, I remember. How long have I been out?"

"Only a couple of hours," she places a hand behind my neck and helps me to slowly sit up. "You need to eat,"

She hands me a bowl with some green bread like stuff in it, portions. She must be a scavenger. I shake my head 'No' but she pushes it towards me.

"Seriously, knowing what the market is like at the moment you surely can't get many of these. You have it, I'm not hungry," I tell her, looking at her face for the first time I see a chiseled face, plump lips and semi-neat hair. She's quite beautiful even if I do say so myself. "At least have half?"

She looks up at me, lips slightly parted, and then back down the portions. The prominence of her collarbone shows how truly underfed she is and I don't want to be a factor for her starvation. "You really should eat, you've had quite the day,"

"Tell me about it," I chuckle lightly. "But, please?"

She sighs, "Fine," She sits next to me and splits the portion bread in half, thinking I won't notice her moving the bigger half towards me.

Stubborn, reminds me of Poe. Poe. "I-I need to get out of here," I stand up and feel a dizzy spell hit me like a ton of bricks all at once. She steadies me and sits me back down, basically forcing the bread into my mouth.

I look around the place for a moment, noting the continuous marks all around the metallic walls. _The days she's been here? In this home particularly or in general?_ I also see a small makeshift doll dressed up like a resistance pilot next to a really old rebellion helmet.

"You a fan?" I point at the small collection and her face blushes a tinge of red.

"I guess you could say that, yeah," she holds her hand out for me. "Rey,"

"Y/N," I shake it thankfully. "You saved my life, most people would just go for the scrap parts before the ship blows up rather than the pilot,"

"I'm not most people, Y/N," she smirks as she takes a final bit of her bread and I finish shortly after. There's a small silence and I wish Poe were here, he knows how to make any silence a huge conversation again. "Are you, um, a resistance pilot?"

"Yeah, I am," her face lights up childishly and he bounces a little in giddiness.

"I've never met a member of the resistance before," she tries to contain a smile unsuccessfully. "Nevermind a pilot, that's amazing,"

"It's alright," I smile back at her. "It's the people that come along with the job that make it the best,"

As if by force of habit, I reach for my necklace only to not find it anywhere. Panic sets in my chest and I nearly burst into tears that second as I frantically pat over my body.

"Where's it gone?" I repeat over and over as I look around my small area.

"Your necklace?" she says, relatively calmly compared to how I'm feeling.

"I can't lose it, I-I-I can't," I freak out even more, my chest shaking and nearly reaching borderline hysterics.

She grabs my shoulders and stares at me with a calming look, something that my mother shares with her. Maybe that's why I instantly like her?

"It's ok, I didn't want to risk you getting strangled by it when we were travelling here so I took it off you," she turns from me and picks up the chain and ring from a shelf, handing it to me with slight precaution.

I put it on and instantly feel a sense of safety. "Sorry," I look away from Rey sheepishly, feeling embarrassed at my small outburst.

"It's fine, must mean a lot to you," I nod to her. "What? If i'm alright by asking,"

"My boyfriend gave it to me before he went on a mission, i'm out here trying to find him and his droid," I hold it closely. "It was his mom's,"

"Well, we better get to it then, huh?" She hands me a scarf like piece of fabric and only now do I realise I'm in my white leggings and vest top from under my flight suit. "To protect your arms from the sand,"

"Thank you," I take the material and wrap it over my shoulders and tie it with a band that was around my wrist for my hair so now it's like a shawl.

We leave the place where she resides, which I now know is an old AT-AT from force knows when, each with a flask of water for the hot and dehydrated climate. We walk for a while before she turns to me.

"I think we should split up. We're on a big terrain, we will cover more if we do," she suggests and I agree.

"Sure, where's the closest outpost?"

She looks around for a moment before pointing in the direction opposite from her home. "Niima outpost is that way, meet back there in a few hours?"

"Ok, see you there at 1500?" I ask, looking for the best direction to start in the sandy place. "Sorry, force of habit. 3:00?"

"See you then," she waves before going off in the opposite way to where we were headed together.

I wave back and continue in the same path, hoping and praying to anything that something good will come out of this.

****

After hours of walking aimlessly, I arrive at the Niima outpost. I see the big hut that stands central of the outpost and it looks strangely familiar. And then it clicks.

This is where the force brought me to the other day, _does that mean that Rey is the female I saw?_ It all makes sense now, it wasn't her similarity to my mom that calmed me when she held onto my shoulders, it was the force. And neither of us even knew it. She still doesn't.

I don't see Rey just yet so I look around the different stalls for a short while, saying hello to the friendlier looking workers and looking at all the different delicacies and jewelry they're selling.

I look up from where I am and see Rey looking around for me. I nearly squeal when I see the small droid next to her. "Oh my Maker," I whisper under my breath as I start to sprint towards the two. The droid spots me and he beeps happily before rolling speedily to me as well. We meet in the middle and he circles around my feet, stringing along various things I can't understand between the volume of the market and his franticness.

"Buddy, hey," I crouch down to him and he rolls into me, as if he's snuggling into me. I pat his head and let out a sigh I didn't even realise I was holding in. "What happened?"

I listen carefully, every now and then looking up at Rey who is giving me a sorry look. _Poe got the map but then he was taken by Kylo Ren himself because he tried shooting him. What an idiot. My idiot. The stormtroopers blew up the x-wing and BB-8 managed to get away._

"I was right," I find myself chewing on the inside of my cheek just like Poe does when he gets frustrated. "But when you saw him he was ok?"

He says yes and that he said "If you see Y/N before I do, tell her that I know I won't hear the end of how stupid I was but I love her more than she knows,"

"Wow, that's a lot," he agrees with me. I stand up and turn to Rey. "I have some currency on me, I'm going to have a look to see if I can get us any food or anything,"

"Ok, we'll be right behind you," She says. I walk towards the stall but before I can actually get anything I hear a small commotion behind me. Upon turning, I see Rey fighting off some scavengers and BB-8 underneath a large piece of fabric. I run to help but stop when I see how well she's handling it. Once both of the thieves are on the floor and unconscious, I stroll over to them with an impressed smile. However, Rey bends down to BB-8 and looks up after he says something to her. Her face lined with frustration and anger, she starts sprinting into an alley over one from where I stand.

Inspecting more, I see a dark skinned man wearing no other than my pilot's jacket and I'm frozen in my spot. _Why is he wearing Poe's jacket? What's happened to him? Does he even know Poe? Because I know that's his, he added the red shoulder to make it less boring._

The questions urge me into the opposite path of the running man and when I reach him inside of the hut I tackle him onto the floor. "Who are you?" he just stares at me with a panicked look.

"What's your hurry, thief?" Rey points at him with her staff.

"What? Thief?" he pants as BB-8 rolls over to him and uses his taser on his leg, earning him an "Ow!" from the man. "Hey! What?"

"The jacket, you stole it!" I move closer to him, anger bubbling in my chest.

"Look, I've had a pretty messed up day, alright? So I'd appreciate it if you would stop accusing me of- ah!" BB-8 shocks him once again. "Stop it!"

"Where'd you get it? It belongs to his master and her boyfriend!" Rey moves next to me, not changing her stance with the staff. The man looks between me and BB-8, a sad look covering his face but he sighs and rolls his head back in relaxation almost.

"It belonged to Poe Dameron," he says, looking up at me and then back to the droid. "That was his name, right?"

Rey looks from me and then back down to the man and the robot as I nod in confirmation - terrified of what he will say next.

"He was captured by the First Order and I helped him escape, but our ship crashed," he gives me a remorseful look and I can already sense it coming. "He didn't make it,"

At that moment, I feel my heart break into a million tiny pieces. The tears flood to my eyes and I can feel the bile rising up my throat even without eating very much today. He's gone. _My pilot is gone._

"I tried to help him, I'm sorry" I can't listen to anymore, it hurts too much.

I let out a small sob and run out of the hut, my hand over my mouth to stop the vomit arising. Once outside, I let the contents of my stomach exit my system. I slide down one of the pillars holding up the hut and feel the urge to scream, but it doesn't leave me. _I had only just got him and now he's gone._

I don't hear anything else from the conversation but BB-8 comes outside to comfort me, I can't even imagine how he must feel. "It's ok, Buddy," I place my hand on his semi-sphere of a head. "I'll look after you now,"

He gives a sad, sloping beep before he nudges me and tells me " _We will be ok_ ,". We stay in silence for a moment and I reflect on my relationship with the man I was starting to think was _the one_. His insatiable attempts to get a date, that night on Endor, the museum, escaping the opera, slow dancing in the darkness, the baking, _last night_.

My thoughts are rudely interrupted by a panicked beeping from my son, causing me to look up and see a couple of stormtroopers talking to two townspeople. He zooms inside and brings out Rey and the dark skinned man with him - _guess we are trusting him then..._

The villagers point in our direction and I stand up quickly as the man grabs Rey's hand. "What are you doing?" she exclaims in protest, looking down at their connected hands.

"Come on!" he starts pulling her and running in the opposite direction, me and BB-8 following closely behind as the troopers fire a shot at us.

We run as speedily as we can, the man and Rey bickering as we do so until she yanks her hand from his and continues to sprint by his side. The droid falls behind a little and we shout words of encouragement at him, picking up the pace a little.

"Call in for airstrike," I hear one of the troopers say as we enter a tent for cover and a quick breather.

"They're firing at all of us," Rey holds onto one of the tents' support beams as the man starts to ratch around the tent for something.

"You're with me, you're marked," he states plainly.

"Seriously?" I groan loudly.

"Hey, I'm not the one who chased you two down with a stick!" he looks through the various boxes in the tent. "Doesn't anyone have blasters around here?"

"Are you ok?" Rey bends down to BB-8 and he responds with half an answer before the man points something at them and shushes the reply.

I nearly step in and call him out for his rudeness but then I understand why he did it. "Oh shit," I mutter under my breath as I hear the high pitched squeals of the TIE fighters above us. _Poe always wanted to fly a TIE fighter..._

He takes her hand once again and her face turns into an expression of annoyance. "Stop taking my hand!" she exclaims as we begin to run again.

The TIEs start to shoot at us whilst they fly up ahead. The sand from under our feet is lifted and we are all thrown into the air. I land hard but not too badly, Rey gets up but the man is unconscious. She goes to him and starts shaking him awake.

He sits up and looks at her dead in the eyes. "Are you ok?" he asks her flusteredly. _Strange man._

She looks confused by his question, as am I. "Yeah," she answers but it sounds more like a question. "Follow me,"

We all start the sprint once again and I can only think of one thing: _This amount of sprinting was not what I trained for._

A series of lasers are shot at us but they all miss as we run out of the outpost and towards the first ship we see. "We can't outrun them!"

"We might!" Rey argues back. "In that quadjumper!"

"We need a pilot!" he trivialises her plan.

"We've got one!" both me and her shout back at him, exchanging a knowing look as we run.

"You two?" _yes, random man who stole and saved my dead boyfriend's life._ "What about that one?"

He points but I don't bother to look, but she does. "That one's garbage!"

However, next thing we know the Quadjumper has been blown into smithereens and we all shield ourselves from the explosion.

"The garbage will do!" Rey states as she turns towards the other ship.

My knees nearly give way when I see my Father's missing ship. "Y/N, come on!"

I follow closely behind, not quite believing what I'm seeing. Or getting onto for that matter.

"Gun positioner is down there," Rey Points and the man follows her direction. She runs off to where I have sat for so many years, never being actually allowed to fly it.

I take a moment to admire the ship's interior which hasn't changed since the last time I saw it. I chuckle a little, barely being able to breath. "All this time," I start towards the cockpit, assuming Rey has never driven a ship like this before. "It's good to be home,"

"You ever fly this thing?" The man shouts to her as she sits in the pilot's seat.

"No," she starts it up. "This thing hasn't flown in years,"

 _Not surprised. Only the best pilots can even attempt to fly this beauty._ I look into the cockpit, feeling all the memories flood back into my mind rapidly.

"I can do this," She tells herself as I stay standing in the doorway. "I can do this,"

The Falcon lifts off and I think it will go smoothly until it starts rocking and I get thrown on one of the back seats in the compartment. We nearly tilt over as she struggles to lift it off the ground. I fight the urge to take over, not wanting her to damage the baby my dad has cared for for so long. 

With a "woah" on Rey's behalf, she lifts the ship up and starts to fly it quite steadily.

A sudden jolt from the ship causes me to fall into the seat next to the doorway. Two TIE fighters are on our tails. The man starts shouting, earning him a "What?" from both me and Rey.

She gets a headset and I grab the one next to my seat, putting it on and hearing him repeating "Stay low!"

"It confuses their tracking," he finishes.

"BB-8, hold on," she tells him. "I'm going low,"

She does a flip with the ship and I speedily grab onto the armrests to keep myself in the seats. I note the TIEs getting much too close for comfort as they start shooting their high pitched lasers. She flinches as one nearly hits us and I look back at my spherical adopted son, who has just done a full rotation around the circular doorway. I chuckle a little as he lands right way up on the metal floor but it is short lived when we are hit.

"What are you doing back there?" Rey asks the man, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Are you ever gonna fight back?"

"I'm working on it!" he responds. "Are the shields up?"

She begins to reach to the other side of the control system before groaning. "Will you be my co-pilot?"

I nod and sit, slightly shakily before turning on the shield and hearing the man groan something about "try sitting in this thing".

I have.

As soon as I flick the switch, he starts shooting. Not with any particular accuracy but still relatively aimed towards the TIEs.

"We need cover, quick," he states more confidently.

"We're about to get some," Rey and I tell him at the same time. Except she mutters a ' _I hope_ ' under her breath and I don't.

We skid against the sand as we turn a corner and reach the same scrapland that I crashed into earlier that day. She twists violently and scrapes against some clutter, allowing my Solo love for the Falcon to come out.

"Watch out!" I tell her, slightly passive aggressively.

"Sorry," she says to me genuinely, not yet knowing the extent of my relationship with this ship though.

BB-8 spins around the corridor again but this time uses his grappling hooks to steady himself in the center.

We get hit and the entire ship jaults, both me and Rey letting a grunt out at the sudden movement. She changes the gear and we are getting dangerously close to an old ship before she changes direction and loses one of the TIEs.

The man shoots again, actually hitting one this time. "Yes!" I let slip out of me, thankful that we might have a chance of returning this ship to my beloved father.

"Nice shot!" Rey praises him as we start to get caught up with by the other TIE fighter. It shoots and scores, hitting the gun where the man is situated.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath, already knowing the exact issue we have here.

"The cannons stuck in forward position, I can't move it," he explains. "You gotta lose them,"

I look over at Rey, practically seeing the cogs in her brain ticking. "What's your plan, pilot?" I ask her.

"Get ready," she exclaims, with a nervous breath.

"Ok!" he replies to her, awaiting his time to shine. "For what?"

She flicks a few switches and raises the ship before turning it quickly towards the scrap and speeding off into one of the turbines at the back of the old ships.

"Are we really doing this?" he shouts, not knowing her plan. Neither do I, Buddy.

The TIE shoots a little in front of us and the entire back of ship ignites momentarily as we fly through it, still trying to dodge the off poles stick out of the old carcass.

"Oh no," she groans lightly, letting the panic arise in my chest.

"What?" I ask her, not getting an answer back.

In a second, we have taken a sharp turn and out of the old scrappage. Raising a little, she pulls the lever that shuts down the engine.

"Rey!" I shout as we begin to fall. However, the man shoots and demolishes the TIE from underneath and she turns the engine back on, flying off towards wherever.

The man 'Woo!'s in celebration and I take the moment to look back on everything from the insane day I have endured.

First, I crash and nearly die. Second, I meet Rey and find BB-8. Third, I find the one man who has cracked open my Jedi heart and taught me how to love - has left us. Fourth, I found my Father's old ship and eldest baby that he has been searching for since I was about 17 years old. Fifth, I fly it. Sixth, we defeat TIE fighters with a strange man.

Well, as they say: When one door closes - a dozen windows open.

When I reopen my eyes that I haven't even noticed I closed, we are in autopilot in space and the two others are praising each other's skills. I join them and they include me in the praise, bringing a smile to my face. Rey kneels down to BB and comforts his slightly panicked beeps.

"It's ok," she says. "He's with the resistance,"

I'm sure if BB-8 had a face, we would be sharing the same expression right now. _Maybe he's on another base?_

"He's going to get you home," she continues.

"We all will," I smile at him, feeling a lump in my throat as I start to choke back noises of pain and heartbreak.

She stands and turns to him. "I don't know your name,"

"Finn," he replies before looking in between both of us. "What are yours?"

"I'm Rey,"

"And i'm Y/N,"

"Rey, Y/N," he starts, but is quickly interrupted by one of the pipes bursting behind us.

"Help me with this, quick!" she scrambles towards the smoke rising as an alarm starts to blare.

"What's going on?" they lift the grate to the problem.

She flicks around the compartment for a moment before arising. "It's the motivator, grab me a Harris wrench, check in there," he crawls towards the box of tools.

"How bad is it?" he asks her, but I step in first.

"If we want to live, not good," I tell him.

"They're hunting for us now," he explains. "We gotta get out of this system,"

"BB-8 said the location of the resistance base is 'Need-to-know', if i'm taking you there I need to know,"

I shut off for a second as I help him look for the wrench - he'll tell her, it's fine.

"This?" I throw her a wrench but I stay in my dazed state.

She reappears and says something before asking again. "So, where's your base?"

"Go on, you tell her," Finn says to BB-8. I'll let him answer this, he's acting weird.

The droid looks between him and Rey and then back again a few times, almost in disbelief. He beeps with an annoyed tone as he breaks.

"The Illeanian system?" she gapes as he throws her whatever he was looking for.

"Yeah, the Illeanian system," he gives my Love's droid a thumbs up, which he returns with his lighter flickering - making me chuckle lightly.

They exchange a few more fast paced words, I can't keep up. "What about you?" Finn asks her as she raises back up.

"I've got to get back to Jakku," she tells him, almost as if it was the obvious answer.

"Back to Jakku?" he groans. "Why does everyone want to go back to Jakku?"

She dismisses what he's offering her and points to something. "No, no! The one i'm pointing to," she says, getting progressively more aggravated. "No, No! If we don't patch this up the repulsion tap will overflow and fill this entire ship with poisonous gas!"

I catch onto the yellow tape looking thing she's pointing at and pass it to her quickly. "This?"

"At least someone's listening," she lowers back down and starts working again.

"Rey?" Finn shuffles over to the open hatch. "You're a pilot, why would you wanna go back? You got a family? Gotta boyfriend, cute boyfriend?"

_Does she?_

"None of your business," she states plainly. "That's why,"

In a second, the entire ship goes red. My heart drops and they repeat my exact thoughts.

"That can't be good," Finn says.

"No, it can't be," she agrees as she gets out of the compartment and we all jog over to the cockpit, he sits in my copilot seat which annoys me a little but I don't say anything. I just need to bask in what might be the last moments I see this ship ever again.

"Someone has locked onto us," she explains. "All controls are overridden,"

A clack of metal startles us and we all look up through the glass. He gets up to get a better look but climbs onto the control system, holding onto Rey's head for support.

"Get off," she complains. "Get off!"

"Get down from there!" I find myself unwillingly scolding him but don't act upon it. "See anything?"

"Oh no," he pants as red light envelops the whole ship. I swallow harshly, thinking of the worst they could do to us. "It's the first order,"

"What do we do? There must be something we can do," Rey keeps a calmish demeanour.

"You said poisonous gas," he starts and I catch onto where he's going.

"I fixed that?" she shrugs her shoulders.

"Can you unfix it?" I pipe up from where I'm standing in the doorway. We all scamper back to the hatch, grabbing gas masks for ourselves as we do so. We speedily get back into the hatch as Rey hands BB-8 to Finn, who falls on the floor from the sheer weight.

The lights turn back to their white/blue colour as Rey jumps in and closes the grate behind her. "Do you think this would work on the stormtroopers?"

"Their masks are made to filter out smoke, not toxins," he lifts the lid and peeks out.

A wave of familiarity comes over me and I'm not so sure it's the first order at all.

The front hatch opens and footsteps start as the sense gets greater and greater. "Hurry," Finn tells her as they get nearer.

"I'm hurrying," she informs him plainly. Finn drops the hatch and crouches on the floor as the final door to this section opens.

"Chewie," I nearly gasp aloud. I would recognise that voice anywhere. "We're home,"

I feel tears spring to my eyes as the wookie I have known my whole life growls back.

_Dad._   
_———————————————_


	15. 15 - I'll Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is trying to cope with her grief and her Dad is helping her do just that... in his own way...

**_ Chapter 15 _ **

I hear them walking around, looking at their old ship. I want nothing more than to jump up and run into his arms - even if i'm angry that he didn't come those weeks ago when he said he would.

However, Rey holds me back down as I shoot up, resulting in something being knocked and making a loud clanging sound. I turn to argue with her but before I can the grate is lifted and my breath hitches in my throat in shock of seeing the man who raised me for the first time in years.

They look up, fearing him almost. "Where are the others?" he asks them. His voice sounds tired, aged but still the same as it has done for the last 26 years of my life. He catches my eye and lowers his gun, stepping back a little. He knows he's going to get a mouthful when I get him alone for a minute. "Hey kiddo!"

He pulls me out and hugs me tightly, uncle Chewie growling in happiness at seeing me again. "Hey, dad," My words get muffled into his jacket, the same one he's worn for so long.

We pull apart and he goes all attack mode once again, pointing his gun at my new allies. "Who's the pilot?"

"I'm the pilot," Rey tells him quickly.

"You?" he asks her in confusion, Chewie responding in the same way.

"No, it's true," she informs him. "We're the only ones on board,"

"You can understand that thing?" Finn jumps in rudely.

"That _thing_ can understand you too, so watch it," Dad warns, bringing a smile to my face. "Come on out of there,"

The two of them remove their masks and get out of the hatch, standing opposite to me and my father. "Where did you get this ship?" he questions us, looking to me for the answer.

"Niima outpost," Rey tells him. His face falls in disgust as he faces me.

"Jakku? That junkyard?" he gapes.

"Thank you!" Finn retaliates exhaustedly.

"I told you we should've double checked the western regions," he states to Chewie. "Who had it?"

"We stole it," She tells him. "I stole it from Unkar Plutt, he stole it from the Irvine boys, they stole it from Ducain-"

"Who stole it from me!" he shakes his head in irritation. "Well you tell him that Han Solo just stole back the Millenium Falcon for good," he looks at me with a smirk. "And he's going to be teaching his kid how to fly it,"

"This is the Millenium Falcon?" she gasps. "You're Han Solo? You have a kid? Who?"

"Used to be," he rolls his eyes as he makes his way to the cockpit, Rey's eyes wide open in astonishment.

"Han Solo? The rebellion general?" Finn asks as I walk after Dad.

"No! The smuggler!" they bicker behind me. "This is the ship that did the Kessel run in fourteen parsecs?"

"Twelve!" he shouts back at them.

"Fourteen," we both mumble under our breaths. He turns and looks at me with a seemingly ever growing smile on his face. "It's good to see you again, Baby,"

"It's good to see you too, Dad," he throws his arm over my shoulder and pulls me close. _He still smells the exact same._

"Dad?" Finn asks as they follow.

"Wait," Rey stops in her tracks so harshly, smoke could've come from her feet. "Dad!"

"Yeah," I shrug as I wrap my arms around his waist, feeling an evident dad-bod forming on his stomach area slightly. "Y/N Solo-Organa,"

"Full name, Kid," he teases me.

"No, thanks," I reply sincerely.

We walk together into the cockpit and he looks around it in pride. It really is the same as it always has been. He seems content until he notices something that caught my own eye earlier too.

"Hey!" he storms back into the main area where the other four are. "Some moof-milker put a compressor on the ignition line!"

I laugh out loud at the reference to the nickname I used to use on him and Ben when I was younger. "Can't believe you still use that,"

"Never stopped," he winks at me as he faces back to Rey.

"Unkar Plutt did," she starts. "I thought it was a mistake too it-"

"Puts too much stress on the hyperdrive," he interrupts her. "Chewie, throw them a pod we'll drop them on the nearest inhabited planet,"

"Dad!" I exclaim at his rudeness.

"Wait no, we need your help," she tells him. "This droid needs to get to the resistance base as soon as possible,"

"He's carrying the map to Uncle Luke," I further explain. He stops dead in his tracks. We haven't spoken about Luke since, well, _you know_.

"You're the Han Solo that fought with the rebellion, you knew him," Finn expands their argument.

"Yeah. I knew him, I knew Luke," He looks to me for comfort - his or mine though? "We both did,"

I give him a weak smile, not really knowing what to say. Uncle Luke was the reason for some of the best and absolute worst times of our lives. However, without him Mom and Dad never would have met and he would still be a scavenger and she would be a stubborn princess waiting for her chance to escape the empire's grip. Without him, there would be no rebellion or resistance - no Poe for me to meet and allow to sweep me off my feet.

Our thoughts are interrupted by a faint clang of metal and he groans, throwing his head back. "Oh don't tell me a Rathtar's gotten loose,"

He pushes past our small group and we all follow behind cautiously. I have heard about Rathtars but never actually seen or had full knowledge of what they can do.

"Wait, what?" Finn exclaims in confusion and frustration at the whole situation. As we jog behind Dad, BB-8 uses his grapplers to get himself out of the cubby hole we had hidden in. I feel a sense of guilt, like I was already failing at looking after him because I was too caught up in my own dramas to realise he was still in there. "Did you just say Rathtar? Hey!"

We all follow the greying man into the cargo dock where he goes to a control panel and starts to press around. "You're not hauling Rathtars on this freighter, are you?" Finn continues, panic lacing in his tone.

"I'm hauling Rathtars," Dad replies nonchalantly as he pulls up the cameras from around the larger ship.

"Dad!" I scold him with a disappointed expression.

He shakes his head, but looks closer at the panel. I can feel a wave of uncertainty and fear come off of him temporarily, and looking down at the cameras I can see why.

"Oh great," he mutters. "It's the Guavian Death Gang, they must've tracked us from Nantoon," He begins his pace towards wherever he is going and we follow blindly.

"What's a Rathtar?" Rey questions with a curious but confident face.

"You don't want to know," I chuckle lightly, trying to calm down the tense situations.

"They're big and they're scary," Dad states plainly as we speed walk through the maze of corridors in this freighter.

"You ever heard of the Trillian massacre?" Finn asks her. He knows his stuff.

"No?" she replies in a more questioning tone.

"Good," Finn and I share a tense glare as we say the same answer at the same time. Rey might trust him but i'm still not too sure. I note that my Pilot's jacket is still on him and I want nothing more than to rip it off him and savour the last thing Poe was wearing for myself. But Finn seemed as though he genuinely was sorry about everything that happened, which conflicted my feelings even more. He seemed like he could be a good friend.

"I've got three of 'em going to King Prana," Dad informs us and I groan at his stupidity.

"Three?" Finn questions in shock. "How did you get them on board?"

"I used to have a bigger crew," _Yeah, I should've been a part of it_.

We get to an intersection in the corridors and Chewie opens yet another hatch. "Get below deck and stay there until I say so. And don't even think about taking the Falcon," Dad instructs us.

"What about BB-8?" Rey asks him, BB looking up at me for guidance.

"He stays with me until I get rid of the gang, and then you can have him back and be on your way," he informs her. _Ahh yes, blackmail_.

"And what about me?" I ask him with a raised brow and crossed arms.

"You're going down there too," He says, as if it was common sense.

"No, I'm staying up here with you," I tell him with a hint of frustration in my tone.

"You're going with your friends and that's the end of it," Dad starts arguing back in his fatherly tone that I have grown so used to over the years.

"You seem to be forgetting that I am highly trained in combat," he scoffs at my argument. "I could take them down all by myself, wouldn't want you putting out your back while you're at it,"

"You," he points his finger in my face, which I return with a sly smirk. "Are just as stubborn as your mother,"

"Learned from the best," I tilt my head with a raised brow.

"What about the Rathtars? Where are you keeping them?" Finn starts but is rudely interrupted by a loud bang coming from directly behind us. He and Rey jump with a scream, even Chewie is a little startled but I stand my ground.

"There's one," he points at the glass where a tentacle-like organ is rolling against the window.

"What're you gonna do?" Rey asks him with a worried tone.

"Same thing he always does," I nudge his arm and he rolls his eyes.

"Yup, Talk my way out of it," Chewie growls that he never pulls it off - which is true. "Yes I do! Every time," he sticks his finger in the wookie's face before he starts off again - just as Rey and Finn lower themselves into the hatch, closing it behind them.

I follow until we hear a door hissing open and he raises his hand to set us into a halt. Red armoured soldiers enter first, blue lighted guns held tightly in their hands. They separate to reveal whomst i'm guessing is their master.

"Han Solo," he starts with a strange but enticing accent - one i'd like to hear more of in a less dramatic situation. "And the younger Solo too. You're a dead man,"

Dad's lip curls up a little into a smirk as the man and his small army step forward. "Bala-Tik, what's the problem?" he asks confidently.

"The problem is we loaned you fifty-thousand for this job," he replies tiredly.

"Fifty-thousand?" I mouth to Chewie who gives me a small nod, guilt evident in his features that I was now being brought into the mess they have made.

"We also heard you borrowed fifty-thousand from Kanjiklub," he continues.

My jaw goes slightly slack. _This is why my father needs constant supervision from either me or Mom._

"You know you can't trust those little freaks," Dad fuels the fire, making me wince slightly. "How long have we known each other?"

"Question is how much longer will we know each other? Not long," _Damnit Dad_. "We want our money back, now,"

"You think hunting Rathtars is cheap? I spent that money," he counters, shrugging helplessly.

"Kanjiklub wants their investment back too," the man spits angrily.

"I never made a deal with Kanjikulb!" Dad argues, getting bored now.

"Tell that to Kanjiklub," as if on cue - which it probably was - the door opposite to Bala-Tik opens and I curse under my breath as we watch another group of military looking men enter.

"Tasu Leech," He swallows harshly as he points at them. "Good to see you,"

"Wrong again, Solo," he starts in an alien language I remember learning at some point in time. "It's over for you,"

The man cocks his gun and I tense up a little, despite convincing my dad that I was ready.

"Boys, you're both going to get what I promised," He looks exasperatedly between the two bloodthirsty groups. "Have I ever not delivered for you?"

"Yes," Bala-Tik responds blatantly.

"Twice!" The Kanjiklub man speaks up in his foreign tongue.

I shake my head in disappointment and bite my tongue from scolding my irresponsible father any further as Chewie nods his head.

Dad sucks on his cheek for a moment, thinking of his next excuse. "What was the second time?"

"Your game is old," Bala chuckles. "There's no one left in the galaxy for you to swindle,"

"Nowhere left to hide!" Kanjiklub emphasise.

"That BB unit," Bala points out and I feel myself stepping forward and in front of the droid protectively. "The first order is looking for one just like it. And three fugitives,"

I feel my body tense as BB pushes into my legs. I gulp, feeling sick in the bottom of my stomach at this new information.

"First I've heard of it," Dad's hand instinctively reaches for my own and he squeezes it with the realization of the trouble we are in.

"Search the freighter," Kanjiklub orders their men, stepping forward for a moment before the entire freighter turns the same red as had previously encapsulated the Falcon.

An almost siren like call echoes throughout the ship as he holds my hand a little tighter. "I got a bad feeling about this,"

The lights flicker back on and Bala-Tik points at us. "Kill them, and get that droid and the Solo girl!"

They aim their weapons and I prepare for the consequences but a screech pierces the air as a tentacle like creature - which I recognise as a Rathtar from my education books from when I was a child - grabs the men of Bala-Tik and takes them for itself. On the other side, the same situation with Kanjiklub.

Dad lets go of my hand and stumbles as he begins to run down the corridor we had come up beforehand, Rathtar rolling closely behind us. Continuing down the corridor, Dad punches one of the Kanjiklub men unconscious and throws the body to the beast behind us.

We run for what seems like forever, adrenaline pumping through my veins. We take cover and we look through the window at the Falcon - only twenty feet in front of us but feels like a lifetime away.

"I got the door, cover us," he hands me his blaster and I turn to help Chewie with firing at the remaining enemies.

I shoot a few lasers their way but they all miss. In a split second, I notice one of the enemy lasers coming my direction head on. I yelp as Chewie pushes me out of the way and takes the bullet for me in his shoulder that would've been where my head was.

"Chewie!" I yell as Dad goes to his side.

"Chewie, you ok?" he asks, getting a pained but reassuring growl in response. He takes the crossbow that his wookie friend is usually equipped with and fires at the remaining two enemies. "Wow," he mutters at the power of the weapon.

He shoots the small control panel next to the door, opening it up instantly. "Come on, come on!" he helps Chewie up as I scramble to my feet, still in a slight state of shock.

Getting to the opening of the Falcon, I release a sigh of relief as Rey and Finn greet us with determined expressions. "Han, Y/N!" Rey shouts and I embrace her quickly as the rest of the group turn to them.

"You close the door behind us, you take care of Chewie," he flies around orders and the two start them. Chewie howls in pain as Finn puts himself under the wookies arm to keep him balanced. _That's my fault. He hurt because of me_.

I follow Rey and my father into the cockpit where he gets defensive as she sits in the co-pilot seat that belongs to my uncle. Glad he didn't know that I had sat there that same day as well, I take my seat in the back area of the cockpit.

"Hey, where are you going?" Dad scrunches his brows.

"Unkar Plutt installed a fuel pump too, if we don't prime that we're not going anywhere," she starts up the ship as he groans loudly.

"I hate that guy," he mutters angrily.

"And you need a co-pilot," she reinforces her point.

"I got one, he's back there," in that moment, Chewie growls from the wound he's received.

"She's right, Dad," I stand up. "Let her help,"

I leave him no other choice as I go back to the lounge to see to my Uncle. "You're going to be ok," I tell him, looking at the deep wound. I attempt to keep him calm and laid down as the ship lifts off the ground of the hangar.

"Hang on back there!" I hear Dad shout as Finn throws things around trying to find any kind of bandage that will help.

"No problem," he retaliates - but we both know that's not true.

After a few moments, I feel the need to hold onto something tightly as the ship goes into lightspeed, escaping the freighter.

We all sigh thankfully as we escape the gangs firing and thirsty for revenge, alone with the remaining Rathtars.

However, that is short lived as alarms blare from the cockpit and growls emit from the wookie. Finn has found the first aid equipment but is now struggling to even get close to Chewie as he yowls and fights off the man. BB-8 gets startled and rolls away with a high pitched squeal.

"You hurt Chewie you're gonna deal with me!" Dad shouts from the cockpit, evidently stressed out.

"Hurt him? He's nearly killed me six times!" Finn shouts back before Chewbacca grabs his throat and pulls him closer. "Which is fine," Finn manages to squeak out.

Fight or flight kicking in, I rush to separate the two and sit on the side next to my injured uncle. "I've got this, Finn," I tell him as he nods and backs away slightly.

I compress and wrap his wound as he stops moving so sporadically, only growling and flinching when I pull to tightly or actually touch the wound. The persistent beeps stop from the cockpit and I release a sigh of relief.

The ship's movement stops being so random as it obviously goes into autopilot, Dad rushing into the lounge.

Chewie growls in disappointment with himself for being so careless. "No, don't say that! You did great and you stopped my kids brains being blown out as well. Just rest," he praises his best friend thankfully and turns to where Finn is sitting at the holochess board, BB-8 inbetween him and I. "Good job, kid. And thanks,"

Finn looks up at me and I nod, letting him take the win for this one. "You're welcome," he replies confidently. However, his facade is quickly diminished as he leans forward and turns on the chess board, looking confused and impressed as the characters start to battle on the hologram. Mom always said it was too violent for us kids to play but we did anyway.

"So," my father starts, giving me a either impressed or displeased look - I can't tell and I never have been able to. "Fugitives, huh?"

"The first order wants the map," Rey starts, making me jump from her sudden appearance behind me. "Obviously Y/N is with the resistance, so is Finn,"

I can see the distrust my father has in Finn in his eyes, Finn's nervous look not really doing him any favours. Dad looks to me and I just shrug as if to tell him ' _I don't know'_.

"I'm just a scavenger," she continues disheartenedly.

He sighs as I step in and turn off the holochess for Finn. "Let's see what you got,"

BB-8 looks up at me and I give him a half-hearted smile. _This is what Poe died for_. The thought raises bile in my throat but I swallow quickly and regain my pride.

He rolls into the centre and starts up his projector, zooming in on a 3-D image of something to reveal an orange dotted line through unmapped stars and planets.

"The maps not complete, it's just a piece," I state quickly, feeling lightheaded as I grab onto the C-shaped couch that Finn is sitting on.

"Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him," Dad walks around the hologram admiringly.

"Why did he leave?" Rey asks curiously. I feel the need to curl up into a ball and cry, resurfacing memories that Poe had held away for so long.

With a heavy sigh, Dad looks at me for confirmation which I give to him. "He was training a new generation of Jedi. One boy, an apprentice," I nearly choke as he retells the story to my new friends(?). "Turned against him, destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible - he walked away from everything,"

My eyes gloss over as for the first time in nearly three months, the image of Kaiya's lifeless body surges through my mind. Dad gives me a comforting look as Rey stares straight ahead, trying to imagine the scenes.

"Do you know what happened to him?" Finn pipes up.

"A lot of rumours, stories. People who knew him best think he went to search for the first Jedi temple," Rey stands in astonishment and walks towards my Father, who is tracing the orange line carefully - etching it into his mind.

"The Jedi were real?" she asks him, astonished with this new information. I nearly laugh out loud.

"I used to wonder about that myself," he chuckles. "Used to think it was a load of mumbo-jumbo. A magical power holding together the good and evil, the dark side and the light,"

My lips curl up a little at that. He's right, that's exactly what the force is. It's his previous skepticism that humours me, knowing that now he knows far too well about the balance of the force.

He turns back to the three of us with a serious face. "Crazy thing is," he continues. "It's true," even Finn moves closer towards my Father in shock. Dad gives me a knowing look before he goes on. "The Jedi, the force, all of it. It's all true,"

The two look shell-shocked, it's quite funny actually. Their trance however, is interrupted by a softer alarm than before and BB-8 switches off the hologram as Dad goes to see what the problem is. Chewies rises and insists he helps but he is quickly stopped by myself. "No, you rest," I tell him softly.

"You want my help? You're getting it. Gonna see an old friend, she'll get your droid home," I already know who, _Auntie Maz_. He turns to me and gives me a sad look before pulling me to the side. "I've seen that look on your mother before, what's going on?"

"I-" I start, but only manage to choke out before my eyes fill with tears and my throat with a peach pit. With a quivering lip, I let out a small sob. "He's gone, Dad. He's really gone,"

He pulls me in tightly as I allow the tears to fall. "Who? Ben?"

"No," I tell him shakily. "Poe,"

"Who's Poe?" He strokes my hair to comfort me, just as he used to do when I was younger and had scraped my knee or had a bad day at school. "A friend?" I shake my head. He seems nervous almost. "A-a boyfriend?" _and that's why._ I nod. "Oh. I didn't know,"

"Kinda what happens when you avoid contacting us for so long," I respond dryly. He holds me tighter.

He stays silent as I calm down my breathing. Truly taking a moment to bask in his hold on me, something that hasn't happened for a long time. "Did he treat you right?"

"Better than anyone could have,"

"Good," he sighs. "What happened?"

I let out another sob as he shushes me in such a way I nearly forgot he had the capability to do so. "Kylo Ren captured him, Finn helped him escape but they crashed and-"

"It's ok, Sweetie. I can connect the dots from there, you don't have to continue," he raises his hand to my necklace and looks down at it. "Was it really that long?"

"What?" I look up at him, pulling away a little.

"This is definitely a wedding ring. Was I really gone that long?" he asks, pain etching in his voice.

I chuckle a little. "It was his Mom's, he gave it to me before he went away. But yeah, you were,"

"Damn," he curses to himself, at himself. "And you went after him to find him? And I'm guessing that your Mother had very little say in if you did or didn't go?"

"You could say that," he drops the ring gently.

"Every day you convince me more and more that you're more like me," he groans.

"That's a good thing, Dad. If i'm even the slightest bit like you then I'm already pretty great," I tell him convincingly, getting a breathy laugh in response.

"No need to flatter me, Kiddo," looking at my face a little more, he strokes my cheek and wipes away the remaining tear that's falling down it. "When did you get so old?"

"Could ask you the same thing," I smile mischievously as he punches my shoulder weakly.

"Don't be rude," he scolds me before pulling me in again and hugging me tightly once more. "You'll be ok, I know you will be,"

"I'll try," I mutter unconvincingly. "It's just weird, you know? I'll never get to see him again, you'll never get to meet him, his squadron will get given to someone else, Snap probably, I'll have to look after BB-8 now. It's just a lot to comprehend all at once,"

"I get it. I do," we pull apart when the alarm that we have arrived sounds "Let's go and see your Auntie Maz,"

"Let's"

_I'll try._

_————————————————_


	16. 16 - One Hell Of A Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long, stressful trip to Takodana that brings more questions than it answers, you and the Flyboy have the reunion you deserve...

**_ Chapter 16 _ **

Gathering into the cockpit, Rey takes the co-pilot seat as my Dad pulls the gear out of lightspeed. Her eyes go glossy and she gasps at the sight of the mountains and trees. I keep forgetting that all she has ever known is sand and beige.

"I didn't know there was this much green in the whole galaxy," she states shakily. I place my hand on her shoulder comfortingly, feeling touched by her new experiences.

We get nearer to Maz's castle, the same as it always has been. A smile tugs on my lips as we land, taking a moment to bask in the beautiful sight before me. Rey however, takes no time to run out of the ship - I follow her to make sure she's ok.

When I reach her, she is standing by the edge of the lake and looking out across to the mountains the golden sun of Takodana perches behind. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" I stand next to her, BB-8 next to me.

"It's unlike anything I've ever seen before," she keeps her eyes on the environment of stunning green trees and brown, fresh soil. "It's almost unbelievable,"

"Well, believe it," I nudge her and she looks at me, a wide smile covering her face. "It won't be as beautiful once we get inside,"

"I wanted to thank you," she says, turning to me.

"What for? If anything, I should be the one thanking you," I scoff with a smirk.

"For being my first friend," her words hit me like a ton of bricks. The pit returns to my throat as I wrap my arms around her tightly.

"It's an honour, Rey," I tell her shakily, not wanting anymore tears to slip out of my eyes. "Truly,"

"Wrap it up you two!" My father emerges from his ship and comes to Reys side, pulling out a blaster and handing it to her. "You might need this,"

"I think I can handle myself," she states matter-of-factly.

"I know you do, that's why I'm giving it to you. Take it," she does. He moves to me, holding something else behind his back. "And you might need this," He pulls out the last thing I thought he would. My lightsaber.

"What?" I exclaim. "Where the hell has this been?"

"Your mother might have hidden it in the Falcon when you had been training too hard one night," He pushes the hilt further towards me. "Just so happened to be the same night she was stolen from me,"

"Seriously? I have been looking for this thing for years and she always told me that I had misplaced it somewhere in the woods and an animal must have taken it!" Slowly, I wrap my hands around the hilt and stretch my fingers to the now only faintly familiar metal.

"Sounds like your mom," He laughs. "Go ahead, give it a swing,"

I look from him to Rey and then to Finn, both of which are wide-eyed and in shock at the metal in my hand. Spinning the hilt in my hand, I get the hang of it before turning it on. The gentle swoosh of the blade comes out golden yellow - like the sun on this here planet.

Luke told me when we collected our kyber crystals that the golden colour represented compassion, diplomacy, extreme skill and full dedication to the lightside. Ben's was blue. I remember being so proud of myself for getting this colour - I still am.

I step back from the group and start to swing around the humming blade of heat. "Still got it,"

Putting the blade away and placing the hilt on my side, I go back to the small group. Dad talking to Rey about something she seems ecstatic about but he seems secretive.

"Well?" He says to her as Chewie comes out of the ship, bandage on arm.

"If you were, i'd be flattered. But I have to get home," she responds sincerely.

"To Jakku?" he scoffs rudely. I almost hit him for his lack of empathy - I know Mom would.

"I've already been gone away too long," she looks down remorsefully.

A moment passes and he turns to Chewbacca. "Chewie, check out the ship as best you can," he nods and starts his job. "That's too bad, seems as though the rest of my crew already like you," he starts to walk off and Rey watches from behind him. I catch up to her and nudge her gently, she gives me a friendly smile and we walk down the path to Maz's castle.

"Solo, why are we here again?" Finn starts as he catches up to the rest of us. _Solo? How has my father not bitten his head off for that yet?_

"To get your droid on a clean ship," he replies bluntly.

"Clean?" Rey asks my own thoughts.

"Do you think it was luck that me and Chewie found the Falcon?" we reach the archway where a red robot is stumbling out. "If we can find it on our scanners, the First Order's not far behind," I look up at the thousands of flags surrounding Maz's statue, feeling giddy at the nostalgic sight. "You want to get BB-8 to the Resistance? Maz Kanata's our best shot,"

"We can trust her, right?" Finn looks around the surroundings, hopefully seeing the same beauty that I can.

"Relax kid, she's run this watering hole for a thousand years," we climb the steps to the front door. "Maz has a bit of an acquired taste so let me do the talking, and whatever you do? Don't stare,"

"At what?" Finn and Rey ask together.

"Any of it," Dad and I answer them back.

The door opens and immediately we are pounded with the scent of spices and alcohol, loud music and rowdy guests. Dad speeds ahead, obviously not wanting any attention. However, that want is very short lived as a loud recognisable voice shouts, "Han Solo!"

He waves at her with a forced smile as the entire castle goes deadly silent. "Hey, Maz,"

She approaches our group and grins widely when she sees me. "And little miss Solo-Organa,"

"Hey Auntie Maz," I return the smiley greeting as the castle erupts into noise again.

"Last time I saw you, you were, well, my height," she laughs aloud before turning back to my father. "Where's my boyfriend?"

"Chewie's working on the Falcon," he tells her with a slight eye roll. Finn and Rey look extraordinarily confused by everything going on.

"I like that wookie. I assume you need something, desperately," she sighs and turns. "Let's get to it,"

We follow her to a quieter spot in the establishment and she sits us all down, calling for goblets of water for us as we do. As Dad fills her in on the entire story, Finn cutting in every now and then to add in an extra detail, BB-8 stays extremely close to me; basically refusing to move away from my leg. I keep my hand rested on his semi-spherical head to give him some comfort - this has been a long day for him too.

"A map to Skywalker himself? You're right back in the mess," Maz chuckles, as the story is finished.

"Maz, I need you to get this droid to Leia," He tells her softly, worried that someone will overhear.

"Hmm, no." she says bluntly, shocking us all. "You've been running from this fight for too long, and I won't let you make your sweet girl do it for you! Han, nyakee nago wadda. Go home!"

"Leia doesn't want to see me," he tells her untruthfully - and we both know it.

"Please, we came here for your help," Finn butts in.

"What fight?" Rey asks, green coloured cake halfway to her mouth.

"The only fight: against the dark side. Through the ages, I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith, the Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us," Maz tells us all wisely.

"There is no fight against the First Order," Finn leans closer to her from over the table. "Not one we can win. Look around, there isn't a chance we haven't already been recognised. I bet you the first order is on their way right-" He is cut off by Maz adjusting her goggles to magnify his face and crawling across the table towards him. "What's this? What are you doing? Solo, what is she doing?"

"I don't know but it ain't good," Dad tells him nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair.

"When you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people," she informs us. "I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run,"

"You don't know a thing about me, where i'm from, what i've seen," Finn defends as she turns her bulging eyes to me.

"I also see a girl who is feeling immense grief and pain but also love," she places her small hand on my shoulder. "You'll be alright, my Darling,"

Finn leans further into the table, jaw clenched. "You don't know the First Order like I do. They'll slaughter us, we all need to run,"

_Who is this dude?_

Rey looks just as stunned as I do I'm guessing. Maz crawls back to her seat and points to two raggedy alien men. "You see those two? They'll trade work for transportation to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear,"

He seems to consider it for a second, actually surprising me. "Finn!" Rey and I both exclaim.

He leans to Rey, looking at me sorry for a moment. "Come with me,"

"What about BB-8? We have to get him back to your base!" Rey counters. _Strange. I always thought he was stationed on a different base._

BB-8 beeps in protest to his departure. "I can't," he stands up and hands the gun back to Dad.

With an almost sad expression, Dad pushes it away. "Keep it, Kid,"

And with that, Finn is gone. Rey, looking like she might cry, stands up and storms after him. I follow suit just as Maz asks my Father "who's the girl?"

She says something to him and he gets up, following her to a side where I meet them. "You can't just go, I won't let you," Rey stands tall in front of him.

"I'm not who you guys think I am," he huffs.

"Finn, what are you talking about?" Rey asks, eyebrows knitted together like my own.

"Who are you then?" I ask, standing next to Rey.

"I'm not Resistance," _I knew it._ "I'm not a hero," _Disagreeable._ He sighs and swallows harshly. "I'm a stormtrooper,"

"What!" I exclaim with wide eyes. _Is he a spy? Did he intend to get Poe killed?_

"Like all of them, I was taken from a family I'll never know and trained to do one thing," _kill._ "But in my first battle, I made a choice. I wasn't going to kill for them, so I ran. Right into you guys. And you both looked at me like no one ever had. I was ashamed of what I was but I'm done with the First Order, I'm never going back. Rey, Y/N, come with me,"

"Don't go," she tells him once again confidently.

"Take care of yourselves. Please," his voice cracks as he turns back to the two aliens and walks towards the door with them.

He turns back to where we are standing and gives us a remorseful look. Out of nowhere, I find myself giving him the middle finger, to which he nods and keeps his lips tightly together.

However, as the door closes I notice that Rey is no longer with me. I look around for a moment and catch the glimpse of the orange and white droid going down some stairs. Curious, I follow and meet BB at the bottom of the concrete stairs in the light of one of the far windows from where Rey is standing about 10 feet ahead of me.

"What's she doing?" I whisper to him, to which he gives me an unknowing beep in reply.

The door in front of her opens and she walks in, we follow her quietly. When we get to the entrance of the previously seemingly locked room, she is staring at a wooden chest. BB-8 looks up at me and I nod, walking slowly into the room as she crouches to open the chest.

She seems shaken up so I hold out my hand to tell BB to stop. However, she jolts and lets out a small scream as she touches whatever is in the box. She jumps up and falls back out of the door and back into the hallway, glossy eyes and a look of panic covering her face.

"Rey?" I go to her side, noticing Maz coming down the corridor.

"What was that?" she asks the older woman shakily. "I shouldn't have gone in there," she stands up and I stroke her arm comfortingly.

"That lightsaber?" Maz starts. _Wait, what lightsaber?_ "Was Luke's, and his Father's before him and _now,_ it calls to you,"

"I have to get back to Jakku," she tells her breathlessly.

"Han told me," She holds out her hand which Rey takes, bending down to the woman's height. "Dear child, I see it in your eyes, you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for in Jakku, they're never coming back,"

A tear rolls down Rey's face and I feel my heart break for her.

"But," Maz continues. "There's someone that still could,"

"Luke," I state quietly, rubbing Rey's shoulder gently.

"The belonging you seek is not behind you, but ahead," she tells us wisely. "I am no Jedi, but I know the force. It moves and surrounds every living thing," She gives me a knowing look before closing her eyes. "Close your eyes, feel it. The light, it has always been there - Y/N has seen it. It will guide you. The saber, take it,"

Standing up suddenly, I move away from Rey for the moment as her features turn hard again. "I'm never touching that thing again, I don't want any part of this," she speeds off past Maz and down the corridor.

The woman looks up to me and I shrug. BB-8 asks what we should do. "Leave her be for a while, she'll come back," I place my hand on Maz's shoulder as we pass her and go up the stairs again. "She's not in any danger around here,"

However, as we reach the tops of the steps we notice everyone rushing out of the castle. Keeping close together, we follow the crowd to see a bright red beam going through the sky and towards the Hosnian system. A few people scream as the beam splits up into five and destroys the smaller planets one by one.

"Holy shit," I bring my hands up to my mouth in shock, knowing fine well that this is the first order's doing. Dad rushes out and stands next to me, the same look on his face that is on mine.

Finn rushes around the corner. _I thought he had left?_ "It was the republic!" he pants as he reaches us. "The First Order, they've done it. Where's Rey?"

I give him a sorry look but turning to BB-8 I note that he's no longer at my side. "BB?" I shout among the loud crowd. Looking into the forest I catch a glimpse of the fast moving droid and speed off after it.

"Y/N!" Dad shouts in panic after me. I turn to him and suddenly see why he's so tense. TIE fighters appear out of nowhere, along with an array of other First Order ships. Looking between him and the forest, I note that I can't see BB-8 anymore and panic arises. _I can't lose him._

"I'm sorry!" I shout back to him as I grab my necklace. "I'm sorry, Poe,"

Running into the forest, I attempt to shout over the noise of the flying beasts for my friend and droid. However, I let out a strangled scream as the entire floor shakes. Turning, I see Maz's castle completely demolished by the TIEs and clutching onto my saber, I run right back towards the fight.

Dodging blaster shots as I run, Maz's statue is destroyed above me and I shield my head with my arms from the falling debris. "Dad?" I shout above the battle ground noise. Chewie calls me over with a loud roar and I follow the sound. My path is blocked though as I turn a corner and see the masked man in black cloaks standing only metres away from me.

I hide behind a wall speedily and calm my breathing. I haven't seen, nor been that close to that man in over ten years. And considering he is the cause of my boyfriend's death, I don't plan on being any closer.

He walks off however, cape billowing behind him as he heads towards the forested area that Rey and BB-8 are in. "Please, Force," I pray almost. "Keep them safe,"

Once I know he is gone I run in the opposite direction and see Finn, Luke's lightsaber in hand, standing in the middle next to Maz. "I need a weapon!" he shouts.

"You have one!" Maz pushes the saber close to him as I approach the two. He looks at me as I take out my own saber and I nod to him.

"Let's do this," I release the golden blade as he lets the blue one rip. "I need to find my Dad," a huge blast goes off and hits a group of stormtroopers. "Nevermind, found him,"

I go to where the blast was shot from and find both my Father and Uncle hiding behind a wall. "Hey guys," I smile breathlessly.

"No," He turns me back around and pushes me from out of the wall. "Go back to Finn, he doesn't know what he's doing,"

I groan. "Fine," I go back towards Finn just as he plummets the blue light through one of the stormtroopers. "Ok then,"

"Traitor!" another trooper throws away his shield and blaster and attacks Finn with a huge taser kind of weapon. I get closer to the scene and only step in when Finn is thrown ten feet away with the shock.

The trooper gets closer before I swipe him away with the saber, not hard enough to kill him but definitely enough to render him unconscious for quite a while. That's also when my Dad and Chewie come out to help Finn up.

"You ok, Big Deal?" Dad hits his arm. Finn nods.

"Thanks," I feel a gun get pointed into my back however.

"Don't move!" I am pushed into a circle of troopers surrounding my family. "TK-338, we have targets in custody,"

I speedily hide my saber under my shawl that Rey gave me before they can take it away from me - No way in Mustafar am I losing this beauty again.

Being formed into a line with our hands behind our heads, I prepare for a baster shot to blow out my brains. But it doesn't come. Instead, we are brought to a halt and the troopers around us start spewing orders left, right and centre.

Looking out across the lake, the water is being spat around by something. Some things? They become clearer and we lower our hands to our sides again. Chewie yowls in happiness as the group of x-wings group towards the remains of Maz's castle. "It's the resistance," Dad states blankly.

"It sure is," I reply back, giddiness coursing through my veins with the thought of the rescue but it's bittersweet.

The TIEs and x-wings start to battle, one of the discarded enemy ships crashing right in front of us and an x-wing shooting all the stormtroopers surrounding us. "Quick!" they all grab their stolen weapons, Finn taking a blaster as well.

Above us, an x-wing shoots and destroys multiple TIEs in seconds. I've only ever known one person who could do that. Poe. Which makes it even more bittersweet when I see that the ship is the Black One. I sigh, choking up a little. _They must have given it to someone else already._

"Whoo!" Finn cheers as the x-wing flips and flys over our heads. "That's one hell of a pilot!"

"Yeah," I mumble, trying to not let any of the threatening tears slip from my eyes. "It is,"

We help from the ground but the majority of the work is done by the fleet of winning x-wings in the sky. It doesn't take long before we notice all of the troopers retreating into their carriers. I see my dad staring in a complete opposite direction and the sight allows the tear to slip out.

"Rey!" I allow my voice to shout as Kylo Ren carries her lifeless body onto his ship. "Dad, he took her!"

"I know, but she'll be ok," He strokes my arms. "I know she will be,"

Finn runs after the rising ship screaming after our friend. The ship leaves with the remaining TIEs and shuttles. He stands for a moment before rushing back to our group. "He took her, did you see that? He took her! She's gone!"

"I know, Finn," I calm him down as Dad holds his hand up to stop him. "We'll get her back somehow,"

The resistance command ship lands close to us and upon the hatch opening BB-8 returns to my feet. "Hey Buddy!" I crouch to him. "Don't run off like that again, you worried me!"

He beeps back a sorry as I pat his head. Standing straight again, soldiers file out of the ship and I see my Dad looking around for Mom - he thinks he's _so_ discreet.

When she emerges, she stands shell-shocked at the sight of him. I decide to keep out of their way. _It's been far too long for them._

A small smile appears on Mom's face and Dad is about to say something but 3PO interrupts the moment. "Goodness! Han Solo, it is I, C3-PO! Though you probably don't recognise me with the red arm!" I nearly burst out laughing at the unbothered look on my Father's face as 3PO turns to Mom. "Look who it is! Did you see who-? Oh, excuse me Princess- um, General, sorry,"

He turns away and walks off with BB-8 who compliments his red arm.

"You changed your hair," Dad states nervously.

"Same jacket," Mom nods to the dark brown leather jacket.

"No! Different jacket," he sounds offended, looking himself up and down as Chewie approaches my mother and engulfs her tightly with a relieved growl.

He boards the ship as Mom holds her hand out to me. "You need to call when things go awry," she scolds me, tightening her grip around my hand for a moment.

"Sorry," I give her a tight-lipped smile but she holds me close by my waist.

"We saw him, Leia," Dad starts again, a saddened look covering both their faces as he does so. "I saw our son. He was here,"

****

I ride back to the base in the Falcon with Dad, Finn and BB-8 as Chewie stayed with Mom to get proper medical attention on the way back. It feels wrong to be coming back to the base knowing that such a vital person is gone.

Once landed, Finn rushes out of the Falcon and stands in the centre as BB-8 rolls out quickly. I follow him, wondering what his rush is as he nearly takes out Finn's legs. I soon see and I feel my legs close to buckling.

_I'd recognise that helmet hair anywhere._

"Poe?" I sprint towards the Black One where I see my resurrected boyfriend seeing to his droid. He looks up as BB-8 beeps to him and he catches my eye.

Within a second we are both fully sprinting towards each other and when we meet he picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and spins me around. Neither of our eyes are free from tears as we reunite. I hold his cheeks and kiss him hard, as if everything was ending tomorrow.

"You're not dead?" I ask him, looking deep into his whisky brown eyes. I kiss all over his face as he chuckles.

"What?" he lets go of my legs and lowers me to the floor, moving his hands to hold my face and stroking away the tears that have fallen from my eyes.

"Finn said you were dead!" I inform him shakily and he shakes his head before kissing me on the nose and pulling my head close to his chest.

"I promised I wouldn't die, I don't break promises easily," he strokes my hair but stops abruptly. "Wait, did you say Finn?"

"Poe Dameron!" he runs towards us and Poe laughs unbelievably. "You're alive!"

"So are you!" They embrace quickly but he moves back to my side and holds me close by the small of my back as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"What happened to you?" Finn asks.

"What happened? I got thrown from the crash and woke up at night, no you, no ship, nothing," I hold him a little tighter, not quite being able to comprehend everything all at once. His soothing strokes on my back calm me down though, taking away all the troubles in my mind. BB-8 beeps and Poe looks between the two of us. "BB-8 said you saved him?"

"No, no, no," he smiles at me. "It wasn't just me,"

"You completed my mission, Finn," Poe places a reassuring hand on Finn's shoulder before his face contorts into confusion. "That's my jacket,"

Finn starts to pull it off. "Oh, here,"

But Poe stops him. "No, keep it - it suits you," he pats his shoulder platonically. "You're a good man, Finn,"

"Poe, we need your help," Finn tells him as my boyfriend nods.

"I'll be there in a minute," he tells his friend before Finn runs off to follow the rest of the base.

"You really wore it?" Poe moves in front of me and rolls the chained ring around his fingers.

"Of course I did," He kisses my temple and I close my eyes, allowing my body to fall into his. "Poe?"

"Yes, amor?" I lean into his ear and feel his heartbeat speed up.

"Should we tell Finn that i've worn nothing _but_ that jacket before?" I whisper and he laughs aloud.

"Absolutely not," I twirl the curl at the nape of his neck around my finger. " _But,_ I will get a new one that looks even better with you wearing nothing else,"

"I'll be waiting," he gives me yet another big, sloppy kiss on the cheek and I giggle loudly.

"Force I love you," he tells me closely.

"I love you too," I pull away and peck his lips once again. "But I hope you're ready to meet my Father,"

"Wait," he sees my deadly serious face and his expression drops. "What?"

"Love you," I wink and walk off towards the meeting room where all the staff is gathering.

"Kibo?" he shouts after me, feet hot on my trail. "Your Dad is here? Y/N? What?"

"Come on, BB," the droid follows me as we skip away from his master playfully.

_Better get ready, Dameron. You got a big storm ahead._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone that cares, I actually live where the Takodana scenes were filmed!!


	17. 17 - Flyboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Flyboys meet... what could go wrong?

**_ Chapter 17 _ **

We rush down to the command centre after catching up with Finn, finding my mother amongst the frantic crowd of staff and volunteers.

"General Organa," Poe pulls my Mother out of her conversation. "Sorry to interrupt, this is Finn, he needs to talk to you,"

She looks at Finn and takes his hand in hers gently. "And I need to talk with him. That was incredibly brave, what you did. Renouncing the First Order, saving this man's life-"

"Thank you, Ma'am," he stops her respectively, seemingly shocked as to how she knows all this. He'll come to learn that my mother knows everything. "But my friend was taken prisoner-"

"Han told me about the girl, I'm sorry," she cuts in with a sincere look covering her face. Poe steps forward and for the first time since we reunited, I notice the bright red gash covering his cheek.

"Finn's familiar with the weapon that destroyed the Hosnian system, he worked on the base," he tells her and I feel his hand fall onto the curve of my back as I stand arms crossed in between the two men.

"We're desperate for anything you can tell us," she turns back to him.

"That's where our friend was taken, I've got to get there. Fast," Finn looks at me momentarily before turning back to Mom.

"And i will do everything we can to help, but first you need to tell us all you know," she takes his arm and leads him towards her office. Not too far off in the med bay, I can faintly hear Chewbacca exclaiming about how brave he was on the mission and how he saved my life.

I sigh as I look at Poe's face again, cupping his cheek in my hand and stroking over the cut that is bound to scar with my thumb. He leans into the palm of my hand and presses a gentle kiss to it. "I'm sorry, Kibo. I'm so sorry,"

His face contorts painfully and even without looking into his mind I can feel the immense guilt wavering off of him. "Why?"

"I was weak and now he knows about you," he can't even look me in the eyes and that might be what hurts most.

"Hey, no. You are not weak. You are one of the strongest people I know and I already know that he knows," I place my other hand on his cheek and raise his view towards me. "You are Poe kriffing Dameron, poster boy of the Resistance. If you're weak then the rest of us are nothing,"

"I just feel like I've failed you," I shake my head with scrunched brows.

"You could never fail me. This isn't your fault, ok? If it was my mother would have done something about it by now," he nods and pulls me into an embrace as I hold him close by the back of his neck.

"What did you mean by you already know?" He says after a moment, muffled into my hair.

"I saw him in Takodana and I'm almost positive he saw me too," he nods, neither of us ready to properly talk about that just yet - especially not in such an open space.

Parting softly, I take his hand and he strokes over my knuckles as he does so often in stressful times. We walk together over to where the projection of the map is, catching the last bit of 3PO's explanation of how "We simply do not have enough information to find master Luke,"

"I can't believe I was so foolish to think I could just find Luke and bring him home," Mom's face drops as I reach her side, placing my free hand on her shoulder supportingly.

"We all did, Mom," she nods but doesn't look in my direction.

"Leia," Dad sighs, taking a step in her direction as her attention snaps up to him.

"Don't do that," she scolds, turning to walk off.

"Do what?" a confused expression washes over his face.

"Anything," we both tell him at the same time, but she's the one who storms off away from the table.

"Princesses," 3PO tuts as I shoot him a dissaproving look.

"Hey!" I jab his red arm a little, noting my Dad following after my Mom and granting them a minute to talk.

"Sorry, Miss Solo-Organa," He moves a little bit away from me as Poe chuckles from behind us. "I forget that you're a princess sometimes,"

"So do I, 3PO," Poe smiles, his thumb still running over my knuckles gently.

I look to the end of the corridor where my parents have retreated to and notice Dad taking a split second look at me - both of their faces covered in pain. I squeeze Poe's hand for a moment, telling him that I'm going to check up on them.

"I'm just going to make sure they don't rip each other's faces off," he lets go of my hand and I set off towards my sad looking parents.

"That was when I lost you all," Mom looks up at Dad and I feel the guilt coming off of her like a ton of bricks.

"You know that's not true, Mom," I tell her with a sigh, standing next to Dad as he takes a step towards her.

"We both had to deal with it in our own way. I went back to the only thing I was good at," he tells her.

"We both did," A faint smile returns to her face as she looks up at him.

"We lost our son," his voice goes deep, almost reminding me of those times when he would tell me off when I was a kid. "Forever,"

"No!" Mom exclaims hushly. "It was Snoke. He seduced our son to the dark side but we can still save him, me, you," she gestures to the both of us.

"If Luke couldn't reach him, how could i?" he scoffs, standing taller as he squares his shoulders.

"Luke is a Jedi, you're his Father and you're his sister," I find myself swallowing harshly at her words. "There's still light in him, I know it,"

"Mom, we talked about this," I scrunch my brows in her direction as she purses her lips, knowing fine well that it was less than a week ago when we had.

"General," Statura, another one of the Comm leaders, interrupts. "The reconnaissance report on the enemy base is coming,"

She gives us one final look before walking off with Statura. I look up to my Father, sending him a soothing look as he sucks on his teeth nervously.

****

We all gather as a base into the meeting room near to my Mother's office. Surrounding the hologram table displaying a 3-D view of the Starkiller base, I stand next to Poe, who is next to Finn, who is next to Snap, Mom and Dad taking their place at each head of the table.

"The scans from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report," Poe says, leaning with both hands on the table.

"They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon within the planet itself," Snap informs the room. It's weird seeing all of these people I have known be so loud and rambunctious, turn serious and quiet in such a short time.

"A laser cannon?" Brance asks from one end of the table. I nearly nod before Snap turns me down. _It's basically a laser cannon, yeah._

"We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale," he tells the captain.

Major Ematt, an older man who was a fighter when taking down the Empire, steps forward. "So it's another Death Star?"

"I wish that were the case, Major," I state, giving him a sorry look.

Poe presses a few buttons and brings up a small image of the Death Star which I think still looks huge. "This was the Death Star," He dileaniates before pressing a couple more and bringing up another planet, nearly 12 times in size. "This is the Star Killer base,"

Audible gasps of worry and concern fill the room but Dad just rolls his eyes with a shrug. "So, it's big,"

"How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?" Admiral Ackbar asks, not far from where I am standing.

"Finn?" I urge him to come out and towards the table, which he does after obviously snapping out of whatever thought bubble he is in.

"It uses the power of the sun," more words of confusion and wonder fill the room. "As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears,"

Another comms member gives Mom a datacard and everyone watches to find out what is going on. "The First Order, they're preparing to charge again," I feel Poe instinctively grab my hand and squeeze it tightly as we all turn to her in disbelief. "Our system is the next target,"

"Shit," I say under my breath as I rub my temple in stress.

"Oh my, without the republic fleet we're doomed," C3-PO panics among the rest of the room.

"Ok. How do we blow it up?" Everyone turns to Dad. "There's always a way to do that," _He isn't wrong._

"Han's right," Mom admits, taking both me and him in surprise.

"In order for that amount of power to be contained, that base would need some kid of thermal oscillator," Statura pipes up again. Finn perks up at this.

"There is one," he makes his way towards Poe and I and points at a small hexagon on the model which promptly turns orange. "Precinct 47, there,"

"If we can destroy that oscillator, it might de-stabilize the core and cripple the weapon," I speak up, noting BB-8 rolling around trying to get a better look at the image.

"Maybe the planet," Ematt declares.

"We go in there and we hit that oscillator with everything we've got," Poe orders.

"They have defensive shields that our ships cannot penetrate," Ackbar informs him.

"We disable the shields then," I state with a nod.

"Kid, you worked there. What do you got?" Dad turns to Finn who has his game face on.

"I can do it," he replies confidently.

"I like this guy," Dad turns to me and Mom with a crooked smirk as he points to my friend.

"I can disable the shields but I have to be there, on the planet," Finn tells him, Dad and Chewie exchange a look.

"We'll get you there," Dad confirms.

"Han, how?" Mom rolls her eyes exhaustedly.

"If I told you, you wouldn't like it," she glares at him as I take a step towards her.

"And I want to go with him," I tell her with a straight face. "What's the worst that could happen? He wouldn't hurt me,"

"Fine," she replies, tight lipped and evidently nervous.

"So we disable the shields, take out the oscillator and we blow up their big gun," Poe runs down as Chewie growls in excitement.

"Alright, we go tomorrow. Get some rest and eat well, you're going to need it," Mom orders as everyone disperses to prepare their weapons and ships.

Once the majority of people are gone, it's just me, Poe, my parents, Chewie and anyone else who is working their left. Taking Poe's hand once again I give him a look of _"are you ready?"_ as I see my Father from the corner of my eye glaring at the two of us. He nods and we make our way towards the older man.

"Dad," I stop his glare and he looks down at me and then at our connected hands. "This is Poe,"

"What?" his eyebrows raise in confusion as Chewie also yowls in the same tone. "But you said he was dead,"

"Well he isn't," I send him a warning glare in response. "Dad, this is Poe - my boyfriend. And Poe, this is my Dad,"

Poe holds out his hand politely as he always does. I'm not sure how my Dad will feel about him just yet, most people love Poe but he might see too much of himself in him. After a moment's hesitation, Dad takes his hand and shakes it. "Good grip. Pilot?"

"Yup," Poe smiles at him but his face stays blank. "I've heard a lot about you and your efforts back when. You're a big inspiration to many people here, me included,"

"Thanks kid but I have to ask you," his grip on Poe's hand obviously gets tighter but he doesn't wince or anything. "What are your intentions? Because she isn't someone you just toy around with for a while and throw away once you get bored,"

"Dad!" I hit his arm and he lets go of Poe's hand as I send him a warning glare.

"I assure you sir, that my intentions are nothing but to keep her happy, safe and make her feel loved," he replies, returning to my side as I attempt to hide the smile threatening to appear on my face.

"Ok," Dad laments for a moment. "Ok, good. Just know kid, if you hurt her I will ruin you. Dead or alive,"

"Wouldn't expect anything else, Sir," Poe nods and I feel surprised as to how well this has gone so far.

"Call me Han. Sir makes me feel old," Dad grimaces slightly with a small smile which Poe returns.

"You are old," I tease, earning me a flick in the forehead from my Father which I rub with a pout.

"Just because I think you're a good pair, doesn't mean I want any grandkids popping out any time soon," Dad shrugs as I groan in embarrassment.

"Right, we are going before this gets any more awkward than it already is," I wave goodbye to the rest of the group, Poe's hand still in my own, and we leave together towards my room which might as well be _our_ room at this point.

"Do you think that went well?" Poe asks me as we walk through the now practically silent base.

"Yeah," I nudge him with my shoulder upon noticing his stressed face and reddened cheeks. "He likes you. He has a weird way of showing it but he does,"

**_3rd person POV_ **

Leia walks up to the man who she once called her husband and places a soothing hand on his shoulder. "That went well. I expected a little more interrogation but otherwise good,"

"He seems like a good kid," Han replies bittersweetly.

"He is. So why do you seem so sour about it?" she questions him. He looks at her in faked confusion and she sighs with her trademark smirk. "I have known you for 34 years, Han, you can't fool me anymore,"

"It's just," he leans on the hologram panel and rubs his forehead stressfully. "It only seems like it was yesterday when I first held her. And now, albeit she's 26, I'm meeting her first _love_. It just feels like i'm giving her away,"

"It was going to happen one day, whether you like it or not. And she genuinely likes him and vice versa. I trust that man with my life, I know he will do whatever it takes to keep her safe," she tells him comfortingly.

"I hope you're right," He straightens up as Chewie growls in agreement.

"I know I'm right," Leia says confidently, patting him once more on the back as she heads towards her office.

"Is he not a little old for her?" Han asks with a frown.

"That's rich coming from you, Flyboy," Leia replies as she shuts her door and takes a seat, leaving both parents to their equally as concerned states - for completely different reasons.


	18. 18 - Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is feeling sad, you cheer him up... a special someone pays your mind a visit...

**_ Chapter 18 _ **

Finally after such a long day, Poe and I get a quiet moment together. Upon closing the door to my room, I embrace him suddenly and tightly and not letting go of him any time soon. I breathe in his familiar scent of engine oil and cinnamon that I have come to relate to my safe space.

"Poe?" I start, to which he hums a reply. "What happened?"

He exhales deeply and presses a kiss to my head. "Lets shower first, we both smell awful,"

"Ok, you go first then me?" I look up at him and he stutters a moment.

"I meant together. Nothing sexual or anything, I just don't really want to be alone right now," He admits, voice soft and full of emotion.

"Sure," I smile quietly with a small nod. I kiss his unharmed but bruised cheek softly and pull away, leading the way to the ensuite bathroom.

In the two weeks we had between the baking date and him leaving, I have gotten pretty used to undressing in front of him and hopefully likewise from his side, so stripping off and putting my now horribly smelling clothes in the laundry basket isn't that big of a deal. I turn to him as he's taking off his flight suit and vest top, leaving him in his boxer briefs that admittedly don't do much for hiding what's underneath.

"Shower or tub?" I ask as I watch him stumble a second with his words as he notices my bare form.

"Shower," I nod and turn on the shower head, turning the knobs to the perfect heat and strength. I step in and a moment later he joins me too, placing his calloused hands on my hips and kissing my shoulder as I get some of the special shampoo and conditioner he uses to keep his curls intact that he brought over not too long ago and tilt his head back as I pour some into my hands, beginning to massage his scalp, lathering up the shampoo as he moans from the soothing movements of my hands. I take the shower head off the hook and rinse out his hair thoroughly and squeeze it before doing the same with the special conditioner.

"If I had known how good that felt before now, I would've asked to do this a while ago," he mumbles as I run my fingers through his already curling locks. "Your turn,"

He puts me in the same place he was a second ago and picks up my own favourite shampoo, pours a bit into his hand and begins to rub it into my hair, making sure he goes all the way to the end of my hair with care. He does the same in that he takes the shower head off the hook and rinses out the soap, putting extra caution in the ends and making sure that everything is ok with what he's doing every ten seconds.

Once he's washed and conditioned my own hair - but not before ensuring all of the soapyness has been washed out - he puts some body wash on a loofa before softly running the bubbles all the way down my body and promptly turning me to wash it all off under the warm water. I do the same for him, switching places and having him directly under the water.

There's something so domestic about washing each other's respective grime and sweat from the last few days off that just warms my heart. I wonder how much longer we will be able to do this in the future. My front pressed against his back, I run my finger delicately across the scars that litter his shoulders and spine. I promptly get rid of all the dried blood that he hasn't yet had the chance to wash off himself, washing away any reminders of what he's endured as best as I can.

"I hate them, the scars. They are just constant reminders of times when I was weak or just stupid," he swallows harshly as he chews on his bottom lip. I don't take my finger off of the long, pale scar that decorates a place high up on his ribs.

"I love them," I confess truthfully. "They're like your own galaxy. Some big, some small, but all a tapestry of what you've done to get to this point in your life,"

"I don't understand how you can take something so little and ugly and turn it into a beautiful metaphor," he turns back to me, giving me a better look at the scars on his front that I have seen before but never properly looked at.

"I don't think they're ugly at all," I press a kiss to the gash on his cheek that will eventually turn into a neat white line over time. I take his hand and lead it down to a circular lump of healed skin just above my left hip. He looks down at it, obviously never noticing it before, and runs his finger over the jagged line orbiting the circle.

"Burn?" He examined the scar that I had hated for so long.

"Lightsaber stab," his face morphs into an expression of shock as I nod. "I was 13 in my first year training with Luke. I was training with one of the other girls who was much better than I and I was distracted because I had finished a book that morning and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Next thing I know, her saber is halfway through my torso and the shock kept me awake for a few moments whilst I was carted off to the medical bay but everything goes blank after that. I just remember waking up, seeing my Mom giving Luke the biggest scolding and my Dad trying to calm her down, and just deciding to go back to sleep,"

"That's a cool scar though. Not many people can say they were stabbed accidentally by a lightsaber," He smiles a little, keeping his thumb pressed on the scar.

"Still hurt like a bitch," I scoff, matching his smile. "I hated it for so long before I realised that from that failed training session, I had learnt to keep all of my focus in battle at all times. And also not to finish a book I really enjoyed right before one,"

He bends down and presses a kiss to the scar as I run my fingers through his hair again.

"How long did it take to heal?" he stands back up, holding me close by my hips.

"For the pain to go away, about 4 months. But nearly a year before it was just a scar," I tell him, my finger twisting the slightly overgrown hair at the nape of his neck. "Moral of the story, they might not look great but they always have a story that has merged you into the person you are now. Are my scars ugly?"

"No," he replies instantly with a concerned look on his face. "They're beautiful,"

"Exactly,"

****

BB-8 had come up to my room not long after Poe and I had both gotten changed into our pyjamas, whining about how he was tired and how much work he _had_ to do over the last couple days.

"Me too, Buddy. Me too," I respond to his complaints with a yawn as I sink into my bed, sitting next to Poe who is at the edge of the bed on his side. I note how quiet he's been since we got out of the shower and crawl behind him and start to rub his shoulder blades, immediately feeling how tense he is. "You ok?"

"Did you really go after me when I hadn't sent a distress signal?" he asks, a face of concern etched onto his expression.

"Yeah," I continue to massage his muscles, earning a few groans of relief every now and then.

"That was stupid," he states blankly and I laugh breathily.

"Probably. But I could see that something had gone wrong and I couldn't bear the thought that I didn't help in some way," he leans his head against my chest and I kiss his temple.

"What happened afterwards?" he looks up at me from his resting spot on my sternum where his mother's ring still lays passionately.

"Well," _here we go._ "I came out of lightspeed and crash landed into a scavenger pit on Jakku. Rey rescued me and gave me food when I came to, we split up to find BB, I caught Finn with your jacket and attacked him, he told me you're dead and I have a bit of a breakdown. But not for long because there's stormtroopers and it turns out they're looking for us already, so we run and the freighter we were going into blows up from a TIE shot so we go to the next best thing which just so happens to be my Dad's ship that has been missing for quite some time. We escape the TIEs with Rey as pilot and me as co-pilot, fix some stuff on the ship, but then controls are down and we are pulled into a huge hangar. We hide and it turns out it's my Dad and Chewie, we reunite, but then are attacked by the Guavian Death Gang who he owes fifty-thousand and are then joined by Kanjiklub, who he also owes another fifty thousand. Rathtars get loose, oh yeah there's Rathtars by the way, and we are on a run again. We escape back into the Falcon and jump into lightspeed. That's when BB-8 shows us the map - which is only half done - and we head down to Takodana where my Auntie Maz has a castle filled with all sorts of people. There, Finn nearly ditches us, Rey is drawn to Luke's saber before _she_ runs off and then we see the Hosnian system get blown to pieces and then we are attacked by TIEs. You save our asses just as we are about to be taken prisoner and Ren takes Rey,"

His face is a picture as I finish with a deep breath. He mouths a 'wow' as he looks back forward and across the base through the small window. "I should be the one rubbing your back,"

"Do you want to talk about what happened with you?" I ask softly, pausing my motions for a moment but restarting upon his shoulders tensing up again. "It's ok if you don't,"

"No, I do. I just don't know if I can actually say it out loud," he sounds so vulnerable and that's when it really hits me just how much this one mission has affected him - whether or not it's for the better I have no idea just yet. "You can do the mind thing again if you'd like. I know now what it feels like if I resist. Besides, I trust you,"

"I don't want to intrude on something you'd rather me not see," I slide down next to him, his head falling onto my shoulder instinctively.

"You deserve the closure," I give him a confused look as I run a hand through his damp but curled locks. "I know that you can say it as many times as you want but you'll never truly believe that Ben's well and truly gone. You deserve to see what kind of person he is now,"

"Are you sure? I really don't want to hurt you, you've already been through so much," I kiss his temple affectionately as he looks up at me, eyes full of seriousness and love. He nods and I mutter an 'ok' as we get into a similar position we had all that time ago - legs crossed and face-to-face with one another. Only this time much closer. I place my two middle and index fingers on each of his temples and match my breathing with his calm exhales. It seems as though I'm more nervous than he is.

Within a minute, I'm in. _Fire, everywhere, just like in my vision the night he left. Lor San Tekka being knocked down and a blaster shot being fired in the direction of the giant of a man I once knew as my own brother. Everything goes still for a moment as his hand stretches out in Poe's direction. He is brought towards the man in black and kicked to his knees. He exchanges cocky words with the man before being dragged onto the stormtrooper transport vessel._

_Then I am brought to what I'm guessing is the current First Order HQ, watching Poe's face morph into one of astonishment as he takes in his surroundings, fighting off the grip or the stormtroopers that held him tightly. It's not long before I am taken to a room where he is thrown and locked into a metal chair. I feel my heart breaking as I watch him get beaten and questioned for hours on end until he is bruised and bloody all over his face. Just when I think it's over and i'm going to witness Finn jump in and save the day - cometh Kylo Ren._

_I had never anticipated that I would feel even the slightest bit of pain considering that this is from Poe's memory but no, I feel it. I watch as Ren pushes through his mind to find not just the location of the map, but everything. It almost feels as if he's in my own mind, flicking through all of his darkest memories and secrets that not even I know, happy memories with his mother, father, BB-8 and me._

_It seems like for a moment I connect with Ren and feel the pained and betrayed emotions course through him as he sees my face, happy and sad. Feels the things Poe felt in those memories he used to power through the intense interrogation. It was impressive really, how long he lasted as a non-sensitive against someone who is arguably one of the strongest in this time._

_Eventually though - and thankfully - Kylo Ren leaves, but not before muttering something incoherent about the "Original apprentice" whatever that means. Poe blacks out, and so does the memory, the next thing I know a trooper enters claiming that Ren wants the prisoner and I mentally prepare for round two but once they are in a storage closet of some kind, the trooper takes off his helmet to reveal Finn. I nearly cheer but don't knowing i'm not actually there._

_They steal a TIE with a few complications and shoot down cannons and blasts at them, head back down to Jakku but crash before anything actually happens. Everything is blank again for a while until it isn't and Poe wakes up, dazed and confused about everything. He leaves his jacket, completely forgetting it, and walks for hours with the injuries he has sustained, that is until a scavenger on a speeder finds him named Naka Lit and agrees to help him. He does and soon enough, Poe is flying a small ship of his own and heads back to D'Qar._

_Upon arrival, he is immediately treated and he's back on his feet by the end of the day, ready to go and fight the good fight. For the resistance. For me._

It's then that I disconnect from the memory, only now realising the tears streaming down my own face. "I'm so sorry, Poe," I whimper, falling into his embrace.

"It's not your fault, I got out didn't I?" We lay down on my bed and just hold each other closely, afraid to let go. "I love you,"

"I adore you," I snuggle into his chest as he chuckles.

"That's new," he strokes my hair as my tears rub off onto his soft grey tee. "I adore you too. And i'll always come back, especially if it means I get to be with you when I do,"

"And i'll always come back to you," Our body heat collectively underneath the thinner duvet for the warm D'qar weather lulls us both into slumber, thinking about how grateful we are for one another.

****

I am awoken by a cool whoosh making me shiver. Though Poe doesn't seem fussed about it as he just snuggles further into his pillow. I rub my eyes, expecting to see a window that I had forgotten to close or something but instead I am greeted by a pale blue hue surrounding a woman sitting at the end of my side of the bed. I nearly scream but she shushes me and I stay quiet with trembling breaths.

"Why, for someone who has my name in their own you seem awfully shocked to see me," her voice is soft and soothing, one that I feel I have heard thousands of times with my mother but it still feels foreign and new.

I think for a moment as I take in her appearance. Her dark hair curled and adorned with hundreds of white flowers and ribbons, her body covered with a long dress of shimmering royal blue fabric, and a wooden token hanging around her neck.

"Padme?" I whisper shakily and she nods. I feel tears flooding to my eyes as she reaches her hand out to me and I take it slowly, half expecting my own to fall right through hers but it doesn't. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see for myself who my granddaughter is that they all seem to be watching so carefully," her touch is warm and inviting, I have half a mind to get up and hold her and never let go. "You just happened to catch me in the act. Don't worry, I was a light sleeper too"

"They?" she nods again.

"All of your ancestors and close friends of the light side," her face is innocent and young, one that I feel I can immediately trust. "Your grandfather has been quite enthralled with your life, my Love. He sees himself in you,"

"In what way?" I shuffle to sit next to her on the bed, careful not to wake Poe.

"In that he chose love and family over everything he did. He might not have the best reputation but he is a great man," she touches the wooden pendant hanging around her neck just as I touch the ring around my own. "You have a good one here. His mother likes you,"

"What? His mom?" I gasp softly, almost wanting to awake him but decide against it in the fear that she might leave if he does.

She nods, a small toothy grin flashing as she eyes the ring. "She thinks you deserve the ring," a quiet sob escapes my throat as she speaks. "Why are you crying?" her hand raises and wipes the tears away from my cheeks.

"I just can't believe it, it's really you," I admit breathily.

"Ani would have come but he cries at everything so I said he wouldn't be able to handle it," I chuckle, finding more and more ways to relate my life to theirs. "How are our children? Are they ok?"

"Mom is great, are you going to see her too?" I ask and she shakes her head. "Oh. We still don't know where Luke is but we are working on it,"

"I wish I could have known them," her smile falters for a second but is quickly back. "I have to tell you, although it may not seem like it - you are stronger than you know. I don't have much time but I just needed to say that life has turns that you don't expect whatsoever and sometimes they are for the better and other times they are worse than you could possibly imagine. But remember, you are a Skywalker and an Amidala by blood. You can get through whatever,"

"Are you leaving?" I choke out, she squeezes my hand slightly.

"Yes," I look down at the covers but she raises my head with her finger under my chin. "But even though we aren't physically here with you all the time, we are always in here," she points to my heart. "And up there," she points to the sky starting to turn orange from the arising dawn.

"I know," she places a hand on my cheek and leans in, kissing my forehead in a way that I had imagined a grandmother's touch to be like.

"Obi is rooting for you two. I mean all of us are, but especially Obi," I laugh with her. "It's like watching a kriffing soap opera - your life, you're definitely keeping us entertained,"

"No problem," I smile at her with a nod.

"And stop worrying so much about Ben, i don't know how you'll do it but I know that in the end it'll be you that brings him home," she strokes my cheek tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. "I love you, Y/N. I will always love you from the very bottom of my heart and it is an honour being able to watch you grow and fall in love and everything in between. We love you forever,"

And just like that, she's gone. I feel a strong pair of hands shaking me gently and the repetition of my name, over and over until my eyes will themselves open and reveal a panicked looking Poe. "are you ok? You're crying,"

"I'm fine, I just had a dream," I look past him and to the spot where my grandmother had only moments ago sat in my mind. "A really good dream,"


	19. 19 - Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You prepare for the attack on StarKiller Base and start thinking about your future...

**_ Chapter 19 _ **

The morning of the mission to attack StarKiller base, the entire campus is insane. Pilots are doing their final checks at whatever time of day, and then re-doing them an hour later. I wake up to a note from Poe explaining that he has gone to do his own and help the squadron with theirs, considering that I'm not going with them and rather going on to the base with my Father and Finn. Instead, I decide to head down to the training room and practice a little with my saber after not having it for so long.

I change into some combat wear and my boots as that is probably what I'll have to wear on the mission. I grab a ration bar from my little stash hidden in my room and eat it on the way down to the closed off combat area. The room is barely used anymore, it's more of an initiation centre for new recruits or a playground for the children at their recess. Thankfully neither of that is happening so I have the place to myself, for a little while at least.

Clicking my neck and finger joints, I get into battle stance and start to attack imaginary opponents with the golden glowing saber. This continues for about an hour (or so i'd like to believe) until a slow clap is heard from the doorway of the area. I snap my head towards the person clapping, ready to give them a mouthful for the interruption but I am met with the sight of my boyfriend and easily switch out of attack mode.

"I feel like we should warn _them_ about _you_ coming," he remarks with an impressed smirk as he enters the room. I take the moment to have a drink of water from the canteen I stole years ago. He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my temple.

"Stop, I'm all sweaty and gross," I whine, pushing him away.

"What if I like sweaty and gross?" he teases, grabbing my hand to not let me get away fully.

"Then you should be with one of the Hutts instead of me," I open another ration bar and start to eat it.

"I might take you up on that," I roll my eyes at him as he pulls me close again. "Besides, I bet that slime could come in handy in the bedroom,"

I hit his chest hard and push him away fully in disgust. "You are disgusting sometimes,"

"It's one of the many things that _you_ fell in love with so lap it up, Amor," he shrugs off his temporary new jacket and throws it next to my bag of stuff. "Wanna show me what you've got? But without the glowing stick of fire that I really want to touch,"

"Sure, and thanks for reminding me to lock the lightsaber away from you," I take the saber off my belt and place it on a small table not far from where we are standing. We both get into a combat stance and with a nod of our heads, start to throw punches and kicks at each other but more gently than we would in an actual battle.

This goes on for about ten minutes, throwing cocky remarks at each other left right and centre, and him getting upset because he can't do cool flips like me. We hear the door open and stop fighting, him losing this battle as we stand with him in a headlock and me obviously winning being the one doing it to him.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know there were people in here," An older Twi'lek woman known as Sola Erelen, the base's teacher and carer, enters with a small bunch of younger kids behind her.

"It's alright, we were just finishing up," he tells her as I allow him out of the headlock.

"Actually, do you think they could watch for a bit? It would be good for them to see the two best fighters in the Resistance in action," Sola walks towards the two of us, her compliment making my cheeks heat up a bit. _As if I am one of the best fighters in the Resistance._

I look to Poe and he is already nodding. Sola ushers the children in and they all sit in a row with excited faces as they quietly chatter among themselves - that is until they are shushed by their teacher.

"Ok kids, Mr Dameron and Miss Solo-Organa have kindly agreed to let you watch their training before their mission later today so watch carefully and remember your manners," the teacher speaks calmly in the way that all teachers do.

"Miss Solo Organa?" A young human girl with curly blonde hair raises her hand. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course, Sweetie. And please, it's just Y/N," I reply, the girls face lighting up even more than her previously joyful expression.

"What's that?" She points to my saber on the table and I pick it up, kneeling down to them. They all push against each other to get a better look at the metal stick in my hands.

"What does it do?"

"It's a nice colour,"

"Is that a lightsaber?"

"Bingo," I smile towards one of the young boys who has a smug face from his correct answer. They all 'woah' in unison and I stand up. "What colour do you think I have?"

"Blue,"

"Green,"

"Red," Another young boy shouts up from the back, earning him a barrel of laughs from his classmates. His face turns the same colour as his suggestion and they are all shushed again.

"Red sabers aren't natural, so no. The light in our sabers comes from a kyber crystal and those crystals choose their own Jedi," I see one of the younger girls, no older than 6, sitting staring at the saber but being awfully quiet. She reminds me of me at that age. "What do you think?"

She looks up at me with a startled expression, the tips of her ears turning crimson as she tucks a strand of her sleek black hair behind her little ear. "Um, gold?"

"You are correct," I wink at her, glancing at Poe who is now sitting down and throws me a quick thumbs up. I move to stand quite a bit away from the group and turn on the saber, earning a loud chorus of 'wow's and a wide-eyed look from the teacher.

A young twi'lek girl puts her hand up and I point to her so she can speak. "Can you do tricks and stuff?"

"Yep," with a smile, I start spinning the saber in all the ways I remember from that decade ago.

"What about flips? Can you do a flip?" the same boy who asked about the red saber shouts out, getting him a scolding from his teacher. _I bet that's what Poe was like as a kid. An absolute troublemaker._

I nod and do a flip from him, landing surprisingly steady on my feet considering how long it's been since I've actually done one. All the kids - and that includes Poe - clap with excited faces. They all begin to bombard me with more questions as I turn off the saber, placing it back onto the table as they are shushed by Sola once again.

"Hey how about you ask Mr Dameron some questions and he can tell you some of his stories?" I suggest and Poe's face lights up. I know how much he loves his storytelling.

"Pilots are boring, Jedis are cooler," One of the older kids of the class says aloud, getting a few hums of agreement as I sigh.

"I think you'll find that the pilots are what makes everything go around here," I smirk to them. "They're the ones that bring us all the supplies, equipment and all your toys and stuff. Besides, I myself _am_ a pilot, but Poe is the 'best in the Resistance',"

All the kids nod and I run the short distance to Poe, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. He sneakily pecks my lips as he stands, gaining a mixed reaction of 'aww!' from the girls in the class and 'gross' from the boys.

I sit in the chair that he was once in and he introduces himself in the same charismatic way that won me over all those months ago. He is a storyteller, and he shows it with his various accents and hand gestures as he goes on telling the children of one time when he and Snap were on a supply run and they were ambushed by TIEs and got out by the skin of their teeth.

He's so good with the kids, it makes me wonder what he would be like with one of his own. It makes my heart swell up and then break into tiny shards because I know that one day, if he decides that's what he wants with me, I'm not sure that I'll be able to give that to him. And one day i'm going to have to tell him that.

However, that doesn't stop my imagination running wild with the ideas of Poe as a dad. I would think that his kids would inherit his unruly curly brown hair and his honey eyes. That he would tell them stories of his great adventures across the galaxy before bedtime, that he would sing them to sleep with lullabies that I've caught him humming a few times. Poe is a good singer and he knows it. Maybe one day i'll be able to get him on the karaoke machine in the secret cantina on base. Maybe he would teach them how to play guitar or fly anything they wanted, just like his mother had done for him. And maybe I would never be able to see any of that.

Anyways, the thought was nice whilst it lasted. Because now i'm back on base and he's answering the now interested children's questions in much more detail than necessary. It's funny really because most of the time his friends would tell him to go with the short explanation but the kids are entranced and admittedly, so am I. I could genuinely listen to his voice go on about nothing for hours and never get tired of it. He must be loving it.

****

On the other side of the base, Han is watching the mechanics _very_ closely as they work on his beloved ship. He still can't believe he has it back and neither can the people around him. And out of all the people it landed accidentally in the hands of, it was a scavenger, an ex-stormtrooper and his own daughter. And Jakku? He couldn't comprehend everything he had witnessed and experienced through the last day. He had ran from all of this action for so long and in the end it was you who brought him back into it.

He wasn't blaming you, far from it. He wanted to thank you. He could feel his knees starting to get stiff and he knew it would soon be time to retire but he needed one last hoorah before he was truly ready to hand down the keys to you. If asked, he would say he'd want Rey to be your accomplice, co-pilot, your Chewie. He had taken notice of how close you had gotten with both Rey and Finn, he had seen it before with his relationship with Luke and Leia those many years ago. However, deep down in him he would - unadmittedly - much rather have Poe be by your side on his ship.

And it wasn't that he didn't trust Rey or didn't think she was good enough for it, absolutely not. It was more that he knew already that Poe would do anything to keep you safe and that you were both in it for the long haul. Rey however, seemed like more of a free spirit and he couldn't trust that she'd always make the correct decisions when it came to keeping both of his babies safe.

He both loved and hated Poe at the same time. One on hand, he loved you and when Han saw the look in the kid's eyes as he looked at you by his side, he could swear he saw stars. He knew he felt the same when he and Leia first got together. That she was everything he'd ever wanted in a woman and that she was always going to be that. If he believed soulmates existed, he would say that's what the two of you were. He just hoped you wouldn't have the same fate they had.

On the other hand, he was your father and it's a father's job to hate his daughter's spouse. He knew it would happen one day though. That you would say "fuck it" and find someone who came _close_ to deserving you. He still saw you as the miracle baby that he swore his protection to the day you were born, or as that 13 year old trying on your Jedi robes for the first time, or as the 16 year old who had their innocence stripped from them far too early. Or even now, as a 26 year old woman who had fallen in love for the first time and was ready to be brave and face her fears - no matter what may happen.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't terrified. He had a bad feeling about this. All of it. Except for Poe. He knew that whatever was to happen, good or bad, Poe would be there to celebrate with you or help pick up the pieces. He _trusted_ that that's what he would do.

Besides, when was Han Solo ever wrong when he had a bad feeling about something?

Leia could feel it too - the bad feeling. They are soulmates after all. She, as a general would much rather have you out there doing what you do for the Resistance and fly alongside your squadron like you had done so many times over the last few months. But this was a situation where her title of Mother overruled her one of General. She knew that if you were with Han and Finn and Chewie, you would be safe. She already knew, even with Finn, that all three of them would risk their lives to keep you safe. She knew that Rey would as well despite not yet _actually_ meeting the girl. And then there was Ben. Or "Kylo". He could be in the furthest depths of the darkside and Leia knew he would never, and she repeats _never,_ hurt you.

However, she's afraid. These fears creep up on her at night when she lays awake in the comfort of your positive energies from the room next door. She's afraid, terrified, _petrified,_ that Ben may see you as the last thing holding him back.

And although she _wants_ to believe he would never hurt you, she questions: to what extent would he go to prove his dedication to that evil man Snoke and rid of the light in him for good? And would that mean putting you in danger and letting you die without him actually harming you? Like letting you freeze to death in that snow or let you hang from a ledge and allow you to fall? Or would he get you close enough to look directly in his eyes as he stabs his lightsaber into your heart. The thought alone brings tears to her eyes because what mother ever wants to imagine that?

Now, we've seen how the three light Solos are doing, but what about Ben - Kylo? Well to put it lightly? Not great. He can tell something is off, that something is happening. That's one thing he got from his father. He has interrogated the scavenger for hours, taken Snoke's punishments for being so foolish as to not realise that Ben Solo's sister has been alive all these ten years, and has listened to Hux's persistent mockery for who knows how long now.

Snoke had allowed himself to be convinced that you had been six feet under all this time too and he felt idiotic that he had trusted the word of his apprentice. You could've been so strong. He himself knows that you are closer in power to your grandfather than Kylo is. Under his training, you could've been the sith lord to end all. Why else would he have chosen you to be his original apprentice all those years ago when you were just a child?

It's also his greatest defeat that he could barely even get into your head. Whether your mind barriers were just _too_ strong all the time or you simply had too much light in you that he couldn't possibly get through, he had no idea. So he had to settle for second best.

Kylo Ren was a child. And he was starting to wonder himself if he knew you were alive this whole time and just ignored it. All those nights when he felt surges of happiness and light course through his veins to only get pulled in by his master and choked for the feeling before being thrown on the ground, was that you? He thinks as discreetly as he can that somewhere, deep in his mind, he always knew that you were out there. Under the protection of the Resistance? Or a lone rider? His questions had been answered as he saw you in the same place as the traitor, the scavenger, the wookie and the smuggler. He's yet to think of a nickname for you but he couldn't bring himself to even try to do that. Not when you were the only one, through everything, to really care about him. Ben Solo or not.

You and he were Solo children, there was no doubt about it. You were Skywalkers and Organas and Amidalas too. Some could say that is the worst possible mixture to put together but it worked - kind of. You both had the same hot-headed, dedicated, strong, brave, loving, _crazy_ personalities as your parents and predecessors but it was how you both chose to use those qualities that was the be all or end all.

The people around you loved you both more than you could imagine. You counted as hope for a better future for the people who supported the Resistance.

Firstly, it was Luke and he was the spark of hope for the galaxy. He wanted to train other force sensitives the ways of the Jedi, and a majority of people were over the moons. When they were all killed and Luke fled, that went away.

Until you were brought home. Yes you were traumatised but who _doesn't_ have a little bit of trauma?

You were the last known surviving trained Jedi who actually wanted to become a Jedi master; and that didn't really last too long if you think about it. You brought people hope and that was a lot for a 16 year old who had just seen all her closest friends dead in front of her, knowing it was at the hand of her estranged brother, to carry. You were used to it now and although you rarely used your powers for anything other than grabbing things that are too far away for you to reach and being too lazy to get up and get them, the people who still remember you and the massacre look up to you as a way to bring back thorough peace and tranquillity to the galaxy.

It is in times like these when you think back on your training with Luke and the people you knew there. And holy crap? How did you forget about Jessa? That girl was your sister for a good 2 years till she finished training and you had completely forgotten about her. Maybe when this mission is over because it _will_ go ok - it has to - you will do some research into her and see if she's anywhere. Maybe she's living a happy life with a partner and two kids that adopted the same sleek long brown hair as her. Or maybe she's long gone. Who knows?

You were the kind of person who felt that they always had to be strong for someone else and without a doubt you were there if someone needed a shoulder to cry on. You had your own issues, sure, that wasn't exactly a secret and everyone who knew you knew it. But this was one of those moments when you just needed to be held and told that it was all going to be ok. Because you weren't the only Solo child to inherit your Father's ability to know when something was going to go wrong. You'd never say it aloud of course in the worry it would panic your mother especially, but it was there. Thankfully, now you had that someone who held you and told you it'd all be ok in the form of a one Poe Dameron.

And you couldn't be more grateful as you look around the bustling hangar and see mostly everyone that you've grown to love over the years, or months or even days (as in Finn), all together in one place.

Because family doesn't have to be blood. Family is what you make it. And _this_ was your family.

Plus Rey.


	20. 20 - Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The attack goes ahead and lots of memories resurface...

** Chapter 20 **

It was no lie that growing up the Solo children were best of friends. Moving around so much starting from Chandrila where you were both born and all the way up to Naboo, where you finally settled when you were 10 and 14. You were all each other had, considering that there was never enough time to make lasting relationships with other kids your age. It was hard to grow up that way but that's what happens when you're born into an era of war and your mother is the one who people look up to to help fix it.

Even in his final moments, Ben Solo's best friend was still his little sister. Of course, like any brother/sister duo they would annoy each other and he would do it to the point where you got so frustrated you would cry; but he'd always say sorry and hold you tightly until you forgave him, which didn't take long at all - seconds really. You just enjoyed his warmth.

You will always remember one time when you were both on the Falcon and your mother had just taught you how to braid hair. She wasn't there and if it wasn't so matted, Chewie would have let you do it to his hair. But you were about to give up hope of practicing until Ben came around the corner to the horseshoe couch with a hair brush and an array or clips and elastic bands. For hours, you perfected your braids on his long hair, up until the point where _he_ was so proud of _you_ that he refused to take out the plaits for at least a week.

As any girl would know, plaits start to fray after at least a night of keeping them in. So, Ben - knowing how early you would wake to watch the sunrise on whatever planet Han had taken you to - woke up an hour before you did and spent that early hour re-doing the braids just so that you would be happy. His hair was massive when he finally took them out, hilariously so. But he didn't mind because he would see your smile when you saw him in the morning and the early start and the aching in his wrist and arms from the elevation up to the top of his head was worth it if it meant he could see your face light up.

You wonder if he could remember that memory, or had Snoke erased it from his mind?

Anyhow, the relationship between the young Solos was stronger than anyone could imagine. Mentally and physically. Together, your power combined could destroy or save worlds. So when Snoke found out about your survival, the cogs in his ballsack-like head started turning. He wouldn't kill Kylo Ren, no, that would be stupid. Instead, he would somehow work the two of you together and hence, creating his greatest weapon against the Resistance. He let out an evil laugh imagining the havoc you two could raise together, and also the pain it would cause your dear mother.

But that was a plan for a later time.

****

I watch as BB-8 gets lifted into the Black One, Poe jumping stealthily out of the x-wing and rushing around the other side. He pats Finn on the back and spots me from a few feet away. Even in preparation for a battle, he still manages to make my heart race just by smiling at me.

"Hey," pulling me into a quieter space close to the hangar, he wraps his arms around my waist. I rest my hands on his shoulders and sigh, resting my head against his chest.

"Hey," I look up and press a kiss to his jawline, which he returns with one on the top of my head. "You ready?"

"I think I should be the one asking you that," he chuckles, resting his chin on my head. "Are _you_ ready?"

"I think so," I admit genuinely. "I want you to take this," pulling away from him but not escaping his grasp on my waist, I go to unclip the chain from around my neck.

"No, you have it," he pulls my hands down, frantically almost.

"But it's your good luck charm," he takes his hands in mine and kisses my knuckles, still slightly bruised for whatever reason.

"You're my good luck charm, baby," he looks at me seriously. "As long as your ok, I can carry on doing what I do best,"

"Are you sure? I would think your mom would want you to have this, especially now," he hooks one of his fingers through the ring around my neck, admiring the inscriptions on the front of 'K + S'.

"She told me to give it to the right person, and I have," he brings the ring up to his lips momentarily. "Think of it as a promise: that I will always come back to you and you'll always come back to me,"

"I still think you should take it," I give him a slightly forced smile.

"And I still think you should keep it on you forever," my cheeks heat up and I nuzzle into his neck to hide the blush as he chuckles. "It's yours, Sweetheart. I work my best knowing you have a piece of me with you,"

I nod and we embrace, free of stress for about a second before someone shouts his name.

"If I don't see you before lift off, you can do this, I believe in you and I love you," he hugs me tighter as if i'd fade away any moment.

"I know," I look up and kiss his nose. "I love and believe in you too,"

"Go, kick some ass, Amor," he pecks my lips quickly, but it means so much too. It means: _come back safely, to me,_ and _I promise I will_ on your end _._

He rushes off, thankfully before realising that while he was too busy squeezing the life out of me, I used the force to unclasp the chain and slide it into his pocket without his notice.

Smiling as I watch him greet whoever called him over, I jog over towards the Falcon but stop as I see my parents in a deep moment, him holding her head to his chest much like Poe and I had just done. The look on his face is one I rarely ever saw in my whole life - panic. Han Solo didn't panic, he did what he thought he should and dealt with the consequences later on. Although it's slightly unnerving seeing that emotion covering his expression, he still winks with a smile when he sees me.

I speedily spring back into action and help Finn with moving the crates of bombs onto the ship, having to remind him multiple times that they are explosive and that he needs to be more careful.

Finally, everything is ready to go and my mother approaches me with a confident smile. "You were made for this, you know,"

"I don't know about _that,_ if I could stick to doing people's braids everyday I probably would," she laughs and shakes her head, holding my hands for a moment before deciding that's not good enough and pulling me close, cradling my head like I was a child again. "I'll try and bring him back, I promise,"

"I know you will," she kisses my temple and squeezes her eyes shut. "Keep your Father out of mischief, ok?"

"Always," I kiss her cheek and smile at her, saluting with two fingers before standing on the hatch opening of the Falcon. "I'll make you proud, Momma,"

"I know you will, my Princess,"

And with that, the hatch closed and we prepared for take off.

****

The lightspeed tunnel doesn't last long before Finn starts to get restless, and it was obvious.

"How are we getting in?" he asks after five minutes of knee bouncing.

"Their shields have a fractional refresh rate, keeps anything slower than lightspeed getting through," Dad replies, Finn gulping as I silently begin to panic.

"We're going to make our landing approach at lightspeed?" he exclaims, dread filling his eyes.

"Just trust the process Finn," I say calmly, attempting to make some of his anxieties go away.

The two pilots get ready to come out of the tunnel and that's when the panic really starts to set in. _what if we come out and crash into a mountain? What if there's a whole fleet of TIEs awaiting our arrival? What if-_

My thoughts are interrupted by a terrible jolt and I am blinded by white as we enter the snowy realms of the Star Destroyer. The way we come out and into a forest, only to fall into the snow reminds me of when Rey and I first flew the ships only days ago on Jakku. Although the thought had no help in the genuinely terrifying situation, it gave me a chance to connect to Rey for a second. She's here, no doubt about it. However, any connection that was there is disconnected by the fact we are now halfway towards a cliff edge.

I let a small yelp leave my throat as I cover my eyes, not wanting to watch the drop to our fate. However, it doesn't come.

Finally, after a moment of recovery we are getting off the ship. Covered in layers upon layers, I couldn't help but think of the story of when the Rebel base was on Hoth and Dad put Luke in a dead Taun-Taun.

That's when I feel the connection. Not to Rey, but rather to Kylo Ren.

"Ben," I mumble breathlessly, stopping dead in my tracks.

 _"Y/N,"_ his voice is modulated but it's undeniably his.

"Y/N, come on we need to go," Finn tugs me a little, not aggressively but more nervously. He just wants Rey back and safe at this point and I do too, but there's a hope deep down in me that I _will_ see the estranged man I once called my brother.

I follow and we jog towards a slab in the middle of the snow that would hide us. We look around the side and Finn nods to himself. "Flooding tunnels are over that ridge, we'll get in that way,"

"What was your job when you were based here?" Dad asks him curiously but with a sense of distrust.

"Sanitation," Finn's voice grows meeker as he is pulled and pushed against the slab. I close my eyes and keep my cool, afraid I might force choke him right on the spot.

"Sanitation?" Dad scolds him. "Then how do you know how to disable the shields?"

"I don't, I'm just here to get Rey," that's when I snap my eyes open again.

"Are you serious?" I exclaim, afraid I might send an avalanche our way.

"People are counting on us! The _galaxy_ is counting on us!" if anyone knows anything it's not to piss off Han Solo when he's on a mission - and Finn has done exactly that.

"Solo, we'll figure it out," he thinks for a moment before pointing at me. "We'll use the force!"

"That's _not_ how the force works!" Dad hisses as Chewie yowls. "Oh really? You're cold?"

"Come on," _and there he goes. Again._

We follow Finn towards the base, getting in how he had said we would. The door in front of us opens, we are introduced by a stormtrooper who is promptly blasted with Chewie's bow. And once again we are following Finn towards his _idea._

That _idea?_ Tackle the captain of the Stormtroopers and hold them captive in a storage room.

"Remember me?" Finn straightens his spine, looking directly up to the hugely tall chrome trooper. If we weren't in this situation I might've complimented the look.

"FN-2187," the voice, now belonging to a woman, says snarkily.

"Not anymore, the name's Finn and i'm in charge. I'm in charge now, Phasma, i'm in charge!" he's really just like an excited puppy more than anything else but i'll let him have his moment.

"Bring it down," Dad places a hand on Finn's chest and he straightens up again from squaring up to the woman. "Bring it down,"

"Come with me," Finn spits, obviously getting excited at his position over the chrome woman. This then leads us to a control room where the people inside are quickly... _removed_ and 'Phasma' is sat down with Finn's blaster to her head. "You want me to blast that bucket off your head? Lower the shields,"

"You're making a big mistake," she says tiredly as she sits in front of the console.

"Do it," he raises the blaster at the helmet again. Chewie growls as some seemingly good noises emit from the console. I kick one of the bodies next to me, feeling slightly bad for their death but that's something I will think about later. "Solo, if this works we aren't going to have a lot of time to find Rey,"

"Hey, don't worry. We won't leave here without her," I pat his shoulder supportively.

Another noise from the console makes us all face Phasma, the screen behind her reading 'Shields disabled' thankfully. However, she has stood up and now towers over all of us except Chewie. "You can't be so stupid as to think this will be easy. My troops will storm the block and kill you all,"

"I have to disagree," I shrug with a smile towards the woman.

"What do we do with her?" Finn asks, gun pointed up at the helmeted figure's chin.

"Is there a garbage chute? A trash compactor?" I almost laugh out loud from the reference to when he and Luke saved my Mom that first time, but bite my lip.

"Yeah, there is," Finn smirks. If I could see the expression on Phasma's face I'm pretty sure it would be quite a scared one, I can sense her nervous energy radiating off of her.

****

As soon as the Resistance base got news of the shields disabling, Poe and his fleet were up in the air of the Star Killer base and were headed straight towards the pentagon shaped centre where they all began firing it with everything they had.

It didn't work the first time but practice makes perfect, right? Just as they were about to go again, they saw the excessive amounts of company the First Order had gifted them with. Poe was shooting orders left, right and centre and just as it was starting to feel all a bit too much - he felt the cold metal of his mother's chain graze his hand.

With a shaky laugh, he smiled for a moment and wrapped it around his hand. He knew he would scold you for it later on but it gave him more of a purpose to continue the fight, so he could get back and give it to you before telling you off.

Meanwhile, Finn was freaking out over his _plan_ to get Rey and how he would need our cover before going to explore. That's when out of the window in front of you and your father, you spotted the person you wanted to see. You wanted to jump and scream with happiness but narrowed it down to a wide grin.

Han, nodding his head towards the window to show Finn what was there, was being mocked by the young man who didn't understand the message. "Why are you doing that? Why are you doing," he copies the head nods. "This? I'm trying to come up with a plan-"

"Maker, Finn!" you grab his shoulders and spin him around. "Look,"

His eyes widen in realisation, and your heart pounds with happiness but also dread because wherever she is, Kylo Ren is probably not too far behind. However, Han is probably the most thankful for Rey's reappearance.

Stalking quietly around the halls, Rey, very on-edge and cautious, hears a noise and snaps her blaster up, only to see her two best friends in you and Finn and her other two friends in Han and Chewie standing before her. She yelps in surprise, as do you and Finn but it's quickly replaced with a sigh of relief and a silent squeal of giddiness as you envelope her in a hug.

"Are you ok?" You ask her, checking over her face for wounds and slightly surprised that Ren didn't harm her as far as you can see.

"Yeah," she sighs gratefully as you take a step back, but keeping your arm protectively around her waist.

"Good, I missed you," you smile at her, and she smiles back but it's very confused and curious.

"What happened? Did _he_ hurt you?" Finn asks protectively.

"What are you doing here?" she alternates her looks between you and Finn with those passionate eyes of hers.

"We came back for you," Finn tells her as Chewbacca yowls. She is close to tears as she mentally translates what he said, about how it was your's and Finn's idea. "What'd he say?"

"That it was your idea," she replies shakily before pulling the three of you into an embrace.

"Well, you saved my life. It only seemed right to repay the debt," you kiss the side of her head in a sisterly sort of way because that's what she is to you - a sister.

"There was no debt to repay," Rey smiles into the shared embrace.

"How did you get away?" Finn mumbles, asking the question you had been dying to from the second you saw her on the wall.

"I can't explain, but you wouldn't believe it!" Rey almost gasps as she has a moment to rethink about the moment when she _somehow_ managed to get that trooper to release her.

"I think I could," you say knowingly. Jedi mind tricks. She's already so far into her training and she doesn't even know it.

"Escape now, hug later," Han interrupts the wholesome moment between the three friends, and rightly so.

Running out of this section of the base, your heart drops at the sight before you. A full fledged battle taking place above the thermal oscillator between the separate fleet of x-wings and TIEs. You find yourself automatically looking for Poe, which doesn't take long considering all the flips and sharp turns he's doing compared to the rest of the ships. You shakily point him out to Finn, knowing that he's looking for him as well.

"He'll be ok, he's a very talented pilot," your Father reassures you, able to tell what's on your mind. "But they _are_ in trouble, we can't leave. My friend has a bag of explosives, let's use 'em,"

Once in the next section of the base, you split into two groups: You, Han and Chewie in one and Rey and Finn in the other. Together, the three of you shoot down the troopers in the hallway you needed to be in before rushing to another one, lined with doors, patiently but restlessly waiting for Rey to open them. It doesn't take long before they do thankfully, Han remarking how "The girl knows her stuff."

Now inside the oscillator structure, Han spouts out an idea about putting the bombs on each column which you think is stupid and Chewie does too. You quickly agree that you and your Father will take the bottom whilst Chewie covers the top, and then you're off to work.

****

Taking an arms full of the bombs, I run around placing them on all the columns that haven't already been chosen by Dad. However, the overwhelming feeling of familiarity hits me like one of the bombs has just gone off and I almost have to check if it has. But no, this was Ben. Kylo, if you must.

The moment is interrupted by Dad who pulls me behind a column, gesturing towards the multiple troopers who have now stormed the level and signaling to be quiet.

Now with all of the troopers elsewhere, we stay hidden for a few more seconds before heavy footsteps enter the lower level. A sick feeling rises in your throat as you see the tall, dark structure of the man you once knew as your brother walking onto a bridge of sorts.

Dad starts to walk out and I grab his arm. "Dad, no. We need to get out of here as soon as we can," I urge him in a very hushed tone.

"I promised your Mother," he strokes my arm and looks me straight on. "Stay here,"

He silently heads towards the front of the bridge, but who am I to follow rules? Besides, if he's going to do what I _think_ he's going to do, I should probably be by his side as he does.

Standing next to him, I take his hand and nod reassuringly, which he returns. With a harsh swallow, he starts.

"Ben!" he shouts in the same fatherly tone I recognise so much from my childhood.

Ren stiffens in the spot.

My breath hitches.

Palms begin to sweat.

_May the force be with you._


	21. 21 - Blackbird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to let go of things that you love...

**_ Chapter 21 _ **

A chorus of blasters cock and Chewie yowls in realisation of what me and his best friend are now doing.

Kylo Ren turns aggressively and I wish I could see his face, just to see if anything he really says is true.

"Han and Y/N Solo, I've been waiting for this day for a long time," his modulated voice crackles, sending chills down my spine and bile to my throat. Together, we begin to walk towards him, cautious of the lack of railing on either side of us. There's a mechanical whirring and with a quick glance I spot Rey and Finn now looking horrified down towards the three of us on the bridge.

"Take off the mask, you don't need it," Dad says strictly, stopping halfway across the bridge and me just behind him.

"What do you think you'll see if I do?" Ren asks, straightening his spine to make him seem aggressively taller.

"The face of my son," he replies more softly.

"And my brother," I tell him, shakily but confident. The click and hiss of air that releases from the helmet startles me, half because I didn't expect him to actually take it off and half because of the deafening silence filling the echoing hall of sorts.

The first time seeing his face other than in my nightmares is surreal and terrifying all at once. He's changed. His face is more slender, his hair longer, his eyes filled with pain and torture. However his lips and nose remain the same. He can change his name and attire all he wants, but he's still my brother. Still Benny. Which is probably why the sight brings actual pain to me. This is all Snoke's fault.

"Your son is gone," he informs us matter-of-factly. "He was weak and foolish like his Father, so I destroyed him,"

 _He doesn't mean that,_ I think over and over in my head.

Dad takes a few long steps towards him and follows a small distance behind. "That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive,"

"No," his voice gets dangerously deeper. "The Supreme Leader is wise,"

"Snoke is using you for your power, when he gets what he wants he'll crush you," now standing face to face with him, I can see the small scars covering his face. "You know it's true,"

He actually seems to believe it for a moment, his face doesn't show it but his eyes do. They turn back to the same brown colour that he shares with our Mother, exhaling a shaky breath. "It's too late,"

"No, it's not," I tell him, seeing the stoic tears begin to fill his eyes. "Leave here with us, come home. We miss you,"

He looks directly at me and his lip starts to tremble. "I'm being torn apart," his voice cracks heartbreakingly. "I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

Dad steps straight in his eyeline and I stay in my spot close behind. "Yes, anything,"

"Always," I reassure him with a nod.

He's still. But then the heavy sound of his helmet hitting the floor echoes and he takes out his makeshift saber, painted black and wires awkwardly sticking out from when he took his old one and remade it into what it is now.

From where I am standing I can't exactly see what's happening but I'm almost certain that he is handing it to Dad. The entire room is silent. Too silent. It gives me a bad feeling. It goes darker and the sun begins to fade.

Then the worst sound possible interrupts and the end of his red saber points in my face. And out of Dad's chest.

"Dad!" I screech as Chewie howls in pain. I can hear Rey shouting as well but it's all faded away as my ears begin to pound.

He raises his hand up to his face and a sob erupts from my chest. Just as he's about to fall, I use the force and levitate him over to the opposite platform. Not even caring at this point if Kylo falls off the side, I rush past him and towards where I have laid my Father's dying body.

"Dad," I crash to the floor and rest his head on my lap. "Daddy, please don't go,"

"I have a bad feeling about this, Tiger," he chuckles breathlessly as his eyes begin to flutter shut.

"No, don't you dare leave me," my chest heaves and the world seems to stop. "I can help you, I-i can-,"

"If you help me now then I'll lose you," I stroke a hand through his course, greyed hair. "Do you remember that song I would sing to you at night?"

I nod with a forced smile. "Every word,"

"Can you sing it for me?" he asks softly and although it seems impossible to even speak when I have tears streaming down my face and my throat is tight, I want his last moments to be the most pleasant.

"Of course," I hold his hand with my free one and continue to stroke his hair. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night,"

_All the memories I have with him seem to flash through my head._

"Take these broken wings and learn to fly,"

_Being carried on his shoulders around Endor and nearly being knocked out by a low branch._

"All your life,"

_Being shown how to control the Falcon for the first time and being worried he'll scold you if you get it wrong but he just tells you "it's fine" and that "one day you'll be a better pilot than I ever was"._

"You were only waiting for this moment to arise,"

_Showing him your Jedi robes for the first time and him covering his eyes because he thought he wasn't allowed to see you._

"Blackbird, fly,"

_Him showing you how to play the hologram game on the Falcon and letting you win every time._

"Blackbird, fly,"

_All those nights when he'd wake you up from your nightmares after the massacre and hug you till you fell asleep again, softly humming you into a deep sleep._

"Into the light of a dark black night," I kissed his forehead. "I love you," I sense him sending a final 'I love you' to Mom. Another sob wracks through my chest as I feel him fade peacefully away. A scream tries to come out but it's silent and nothing does.

The pain is unbearable. He was my best friend and always has been. It feels as though my heart has been ripped right out from my chest. I'm pretty sure someone could actually come and do it and it'd feel less painful than this.

Shakily standing up, now more full of anger than sadness, I storm towards Kylo. "You," I snarl, approaching him at full force. "How could you!"

Chewie howls loudly and shoots his crossbow, hitting Kylo in his torso and skimming sharply past my shoulder blade enough to burn it. Blasters start to fire left, right and centre and I see Chewbacca take out the detonator.

"Chewie, no!" I shout from my spot on the bridge, but it's too late. There are multiple explosions going off one after the other, none thankfully destroying the bridge. Noting Rey and Finn rushing out from the balcony, I follow their direction without really thinking of what I'm doing.

Running past Dad's body, another sob escapes my tightened throat but I look away completely, fearing that I may faint out of heartbreak if I do.

I quickly catch up to them, Rey grabbing my hand as I see the tears falling down her face too. We get to the forest, Finn leading the way to the Falcon. That is until the broken crackling of a lightsaber fills the cold, evil air.

I step in front of the two, although both are armed, and ignite my own saber. The contrasting colours of red and gold light up the section of the forest.

"We're not done yet," he snarls towards me.

"You killed him. You're a monster," I very nearly scream at him. "You killed my _fucking_ dad!"

I wanted to mourn. Mourn the loss of my beloved Father and best friend. Mourn the loss of my brother and the relationship I once had with him. There wasn't enough time. I needed to finish what we came here for and get home to the last piece of blood family I have, my Mother.

"It's just us now. Han Solo can't save you now. _Daddy_ can't save you now," he begins hitting his side in an animalistic sort of way. Something Ben Solo used to do when he was hurt but wanted to carry on with training or whatever else he was doing. Blood falls onto the snow below our feet and I'm suddenly very aware of the stinging in my shoulder as specks of blood begin to seep through my light long sleeved top.

Rey lifts up her blaster but she is thrown into the tree with literal brute force with a scream. Finn and I rush to her side and I check her over for injuries, but she's completely out of it.

"Traitors!" Kylo shouts from behind us as he spins his saber.

Finn and I take a battle stance and we both get our lightsabers out, igniting them. The blue from Luke's saber obviously startles Kylo as he points towards him.

"That saber, it belongs to me," he snarls as our grips tighten around our swords.

"Really?" I scoff with my game face on. "Come get it then,"

Finn yells as he pounces towards Ren and I follow. He gets some good hits before I join, remembering all of my training from all those years ago. Finn falls to the ground and Ren turns, hitting his side again as he winces. I take the opportunity to attack, trying to focus on the balance in the force. Light and Dark. I try to not allow my anger control my actions but that isn't exactly easy when I have just witnessed my own Father's death at the hands of this evil Sith-wannabe.

You see, my style of fighting is elegant and thought out whilst still unpredictable and strong. Whereas Ren's is careless and angry, dealing with the consequences when they come.

"How far you've come, Y/N," our sabers clash and our noses flare. "You could join me and we could be stronger than anything in the galaxy,"

I almost want to laugh out loud but I focus more on the fact that, although my shorter stance compared to his, I now have him pinned to a tree. "I see you still have a shitty sense of humour, _Ren_ ,"

That's when he flips me and now I'm stuck against the tree with his broken blade dangerously close to my face. Thankfully, Finn raises from behind and quickly he is now fighting him and is shortly pinned against another tree. He screams in pain as one of the sides of Kylo's lightsaber burns into his arm but he retorts by pushing him away and slashing his arm in defense.

Stepping back into action, I approach the two but then Finn is disarmed and the saber sticks into a pile of snow and he slashes up my friend's back, rendering him unconscious.

Looking at each other for a second, I have a flashback to when Ben and I would hear there was only one of Mom's cakes left and we would rush to get to it first. Of course he would always share it but this isn't one of those times.

Both of our hands outstretch and the saber wobbles as if it's deciding who's worthy. He grunts beside me and uses more force to get it, as do I. However, when it finally gets out of the snow it nearly knocks the two of us out, speeding past us and into the hand of Rey.

 _I knew it chose her,_ I think with a smug grin. The look on Kylo's face is laughable. She ignites the blue saber as he does with his red. I take the opportunity to rush to Finn's side, knowing fine well that she can take him.

"Oh God," I gasp, seeing the slash down his back. Unsure of what to do, I feel the skin around his back and feel it burning so I grab a handful of snow and spread it over his skin. The sound of clashing sabers now getting further away, I stand back up and wipe my now wet hands on my pants.

I run towards the distant sound of sabers but a tremor in the ground shakes my stride. Looking towards the base, I see it halfway through exploding and cheering a little, knowing somehow that it was Poe who did the final damage. Deciding then that my moment of celebration was over, I hastily continue towards the dim lights of the two sabers.

Finally spotting the two, I jump as Rey jabs him in his shoulder and again. Then they clash against each other and she disarms him before swiping up.

"Rey, no!" I scream, feeling protective of him for some reason. However, it's too late and she stands over him as he sits up with a harsh, jagged gash across the right side of his face.

The floor shakes more violently and soon splits the space between the three of us, Rey on my side and Kylo on the floor of the other. I look at him once again, he's disheveled, broken, defeated by someone who didn't even know they had the force - hopefully taking a chunk out of his ego for me.

She seems in shock as she faces me and I grab her hand, leading her towards Finn's injured body. Finally reaching him, she falls to him and turns him over.

"Finn, Finn?" she panics as she shakes him.

"He'll be ok, we won't lose him too," I tell her, more so trying to convince myself.

The rests her head on his chest as she pants, but our separate thoughts are interrupted by a bright light and for a moment I think it's the end of everything. The explosions have gotten us and our fate is sealed. But no, instead we are gifted with the sight of the Falcon and Uncle Chewie bittersweetly in the pilots seat.

He lands and helps carry Finn on board as Rey joins him as co-pilot. I try to move from the seat I have taken next to Finn's bed but I wince painfully, feeling the energy drain out of my body. I rest my head against the back of the ship as a singular tear falls down my face, my lip trembling in grief and in pain.

All my muscles and joints ache, so does my heart. The pulsating pain in my shoulder becomes more apparent and I bring a hand up to the wound, seeing my hand blurrily in front of my eyes now covered in crimson.

I let my eyes flutter shut out exhaustion. Drifting off into a nap filled with all my greatest memories of the family I used to have.

_I'll see you again soon, Daddy. I know I will._


	22. 22 - Lights Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing takes time but the people around you make it a little easier...

**_ Chapter 22 _ **

Feeling the ship land, I wake up bleary eyed. Rey places a hand on my non-wounded shoulder as Chewie picks up Finn.

"You coming?" she asks softly.

"In a minute," I choke back and she nods understandingly.

I stand and make my way to the cockpit as the other three exit the craft. I look down at the pilot's seat, patched up with silver tape from the many years of usage. I slowly take a seat in the chair and look out of the front. A tear falls down my face as I desperately try to hold myself together. Letting them rest at my side, my hand brushes against an unfamiliar fabric stuffed down the side of the seat. I pull it out and realise exactly what it is: my Father's old jacket.

I press it into my face, basking in his scent for a second before I clutch it to my chest and begin to sob. Not caring who or what can see or hear me, I let a scream rip out of my throat as I feel myself crumple into a ball of sadness and grief. I sob against the dark leather in a way that I don't think I ever have before. Everything feels numb. Meaningless. Like I have no path anymore. 

Soft footsteps fill my ears but I don't look up, I already know who it is. "He's gone, Momma. I couldn't save him, I wanted to but he wouldn't let me. And-and he-,"

"I know you did, Baby," she pulls me close to her chest, her fingers running through my hair as I cry harshly, holding the jacket close to me. "You were so brave,"

"No, no I wasn't-" I sniffle disgustingly but she doesn't care.

"Yes, you were. You've made me proud, you've made the Resistance proud, you've made your Father proud," another sob escapes as I begin to claw for her embrace. "He was so proud of everything you've ever done. He looked at you as if you were the whole galaxy and he didn't die in vain, so don't let it be that way,"

I look up to her, seeing her stained red eyes filled with tears. She bends down and kisses my watery cheeks. "I sang to him. After he was-," I take a shaky breath. "I sang the blackbird song to him. I couldn't let him go painfully,"

"He didn't, I promise you," she nods, a trembling smile appearing on her face. "It'll be hard to accept but everyone around the Resistance is here for you,"

"How are you so strong?" I ask her as my breathing manages to calm down a bit.

"I'm not, trust me," she takes a deep but shaky breath. "It feels as though a piece of my heart has just been ripped out of my chest but like I said, I won't let him die in vain. He wouldn't want us to sit around and do nothing. He'd want us to celebrate the victory, raise a glass for him, and he'd want you to stop fretting over what's already happened,"

"It doesn't feel real," I sigh. "It doesn't feel like he's truly gone,"

"Because he isn't. No one is ever _truly_ gone," she wipes my tear stained cheek as I wipe away one of her own tears. She chuckles as she sees the jacket in my hands. "He always said that he'd give that to you when you were big enough,"

"He did?" she nods and takes it in her own hands before holding it for me to wear. I slide my arms through the long sleeves and smile, bringing the cuffs up to my nose and inhaling. It smells of home and hope, with a hint of wookie and blaster dust.

"It suits you, my love," she kisses my forehead, letting it linger for a moment. She holds my cheek in her palm but her attention is quickly moved towards the patch of drying blood on my shoulder. "We need to get you to a medic,"

"It's nothing, Mom. I'm fine," I stand up but her stare stays the same. "Fine, i'll get it patched up,"

"Poe is going to have a heart attack," she laughs and I nod. "He really liked him, you know?"

"I know," I smile knowingly as we walk out of the Falcon side by side.

The fresh air of D'Qar instantly relaxes me, it always does after coming back from a mission. If it wasn't an army base I think it would be a nice sort of vacation place.

There is a cluster of pilots all gathered not too far away from the ship and I find myself looking for Poe amongst the crowd, which is sort of difficult considering how short he is compared to the rest of the pilots.

"Y/N!" I hear Jessika shout my name and Mom pats me on the shoulder, gesturing to go to them even though she had _just_ insisted I go to the medbay.

"Y/N?" A very familiar voice calls out. "Kibo!" Poe runs out of the cluster and towards me with a relieved look on his face.

He grabs my waist and doesn't even give me a chance to wrap my arms around his neck before he is pressing hard and desperate kisses on my lips, cheeks, jawline and wherever he can get access to right now.

"You have no idea how worried I was," he mumbles into my neck as a chorus of 'aww's come either mockingly or genuinely from the group of pilots behind us.

"You had your good luck charm didn't you?" I smile at him, leaning up to kiss him back.

"You're my good luck charm," he takes the ring out of his pocket and clasps it behind my neck, letting it rest in its place on my chest. "You were so brave out there,"

I don't reply, I just stay in his embrace for whatever time we have. He tightens his grip momentarily and I flinch as he touches my shoulder, his eyes turning panicked.

"I'm fine, just a little wound," I shrug as he peels the jacket gently away from the injury. "It's really nothing,"

"It doesn't look like nothing, it looks more like you were chipped by a blaster or something more powerful than that," he raises his brow, taking my hand in his walking me through the lively base and towards the medbay.

"Well I was, but that's the least of my worries," he sits me down on a chair and hails over one of the nurses on duty who I remember as Elara from when I passed out in the forest.

I hesitantly take off the jacket and hand it to Poe, who promises he'll be gentle with it. Quicky enough, El is done patching me up and places a bacta patch on the wound, leaving to tend to her next patient - but not before stating her congratulations to the both of us.

BB-8 rushes in shortly after, frantically beeping for me. The droid brings the first genuine smile to my face as he circles around my feet. "Hey, buddy," I bend down and pat the top of his head. "Your dad take care of you?" he beeps in assertion that he did, and I feel another drop falling down my face as the reality that I don't _have_ my dad to care for me anymore truly hits. "I'm ok, Buddy," I choke out uncertainty.

Standing back up again, Poe wraps his arms protectively around me as he sits me back down. He strokes my hair as I begin to cry again into his shoulder. I can _feel_ the sympathetic looks from the people around us and the room goes silent apart from the continuous beeping from the machines around.

"I'm so sorry, baby," Poe wraps the jackets back around me, still holding the back of my head softly. "He was an amazing man, and he raised an amazing daughter. There's so much want to thank him for and he would be so proud of how far you've come,"

"I wish you could've known him for longer," I mumble into the crook of his neck. "He liked you,"

He shakily kisses the top of my head and just hugs me, lord knows I need this. However, that's when BB-8 beeps quietly that the General has requested our presence in the HQ. We follow him out and towards the centre of the base, receiving pats on the back and congratulations from everyone we walk past. _Fake smiles, Y/N. Just give them fake smiles._

"General?" we approach Mom cautiously, worried she may have been in a moment. "You requested our presences,"

"Yes," she clears her croaky throat. "You two both led the missions on the ground and in the air so i'll need reports back by no later than Friday, if that's ok?"

"Of course," I walk to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're allowed to grieve, Mom. don't just hide it by piling on the workloads,"

"What did I tell you before? I am grieving, he just wouldn't want us to stop doing everything because of him," she looks up at Poe who I now realise has slightly reddened eyes. "You, take her for a drink tonight with all your pilot friends at your not-so secret cantina tonight,"

"You know about that?" I wince, wondering if she knows just how many times I have gotten piss drunk there. Especially when I wasn't legally allowed.

"I'm the General, I know everything," she winks as Poe agrees to take me with a roll of my eyes.

"General, Princess," our attention turns towards 3PO's voice and are shocked to see Artoo next to him. "R2-D2 may contain some much needed good news,"

"Tell us," Mom bends down slightly to him as Poe and I wave over anyone that should see this.

Now standing along with a few lieutenants, Rey and Chewbacca, Artoo moves to an open space before projecting a map. _Luke's map._ My breath hitches as BB-8 rolls over to us, requesting to see the other piece that Poe had retrieved from Jakku. Soon enough, he has the piece and is projecting it alongside his new droid friend. It's a perfect fit.

"Luke," Mom whispers as she grabs my hand, both of us smiling as Snap appears behind us with our other friends.

"That's a cool map," we all laugh out loud at his cluelessness, feeling giddy at the new spark of hope we have.

****

Poe and I went later on to visit Finn in the medbay. He was in critical condition but stable for now, thankfully.

Meanwhile, Rey and Mom were having a talk about what was going to happen: she was going to follow the map and hopefully get training from Luke. Rey is persistent, I know he'll give in to her eventually. Wherever he is, I know he knows we are coming.

Not long after, I went to find Rey and unsurprisingly found her at Finn's side.

"He'll be ok," I sit next to her, her head falling onto my shoulder as I rub her back. "He's strong, I know he'll pull through,"

"You could come with us, you know? With me and Chewie?" I rest my head on hers in a sisterly sort of manner.

"I can't," I tell her and she sighs, knowing the answer before I even said it. "I need to be here for my Mom, and Finn,"

"I know. I just wish that our time together wasn't so, i don't know, _scarce_ ,"

"Me too," I kiss her temple. "But we'll see each other again soon, I know it,"

"I love you, Y/N," she says genuinely. "I've really found a sister in you,"

"I love you too, Rey," I hold her tighter. "You've been my sister since you saved me, you know, four days ago,"

We laugh together, silently reminiscing on what has happened over the last few days. I beg myself not to cry, a tear slips anyways. But this time it's not out of grief, it's out of happiness. Because Mom is right, Han Solo wouldn't want people to cry over his death - he was never a crier himself.

He'd want people to get absolutely smashed and tell stories and continue his legacy.

Somehow, I know he's with the rest of the departed; watching over and maybe, like Nana Padme did a few days ago, he'll come back too to let me know he's watching. But I know he is.

****

Throughout the rest of the day, I spend the most part of it beginning to type the report on the mission and how it went down. There's quite a few times when I have to take a break because it's too much to handle all at once but I can understand why Mom chooses to work her way through the grief - it definitely stops me from overthinking and the most powerful weapon is your own mind, right?

It only takes me finishing the document and sending it in for a message to come through moments later simply reading: _I'm sending Poe. Mom x_

After that, it takes less than two minutes for him to actually get here, using the spare key he knows is hidden outside of my door.

He enters, looking cautiously around the room and evidently seeing the tip it's already become in the short time I have been in here.

"Hey, baby," he walks over to me, wrapping his arms gently around my shoulders as I lean my head into the crook of his neck. I groan in reply, a frown appearing on my face which he kisses away from the middle of my brows.

"Do we really have to go out?" He chuckles and nods. "But why? Can I not just stay here in my own space?"

"You'll feel better if you go out with your friends, I know you will," He unwraps himself from me and opens my closet, searching for something other than my tatted pyjamas I have been sitting in for the last few hours.

He holds up a slouchy dark beige jumper and a pair of black leggings, and too tired to argue I just nod and start getting changed. Once I'm done, I put on my boots and take his hand before beginning to walk down to the not-so-secret cantina.

It's unusually quiet for after a mission, especially one that was as big as it was. _We destroyed the Star Killer base for force's sake! Why is everyone inside?_

"Why is it so quiet?" I ask him, feeling a need to whisper.

He shrugs. "It was a long day, maybe they've all just decided to call it a night and save the drinks for tomorrow night,"

"Yeah, maybe," I take hold of his arm with my other hand, just wanting to be close to him and bask in his warmth for a while. Through all of our losses and heartaches, we still have each other to ground us and that's all I can ask for at the moment.

"Hey, why don't we skip on the cantina and go somewhere else?" he suggests, stopping in front of the locked door to the bar.

"Where?" I ask, looking around for anywhere else - which there isn't other than the woods.

"How far through the forest have you gone before?" he looks down at me, a mischievous smirk covering his face.

"Not very far, why?"

"Come with me,"

And with that, he begins to pull me along and through the forest; worryingly further than I have been before but I trust him. Eventually, we come to a clearing. A field filled with fresh grass and yellow flowers is illuminated by the darkening sky.

The sky is clearer than I think it's ever been on D'Qar. It's almost like some great metaphor, i'm not sure what exactly for but it just feels that way. Maybe 'Even in the darkest of times, there's a flower field using that darkness to make it more beautiful'? I don't know, but it still renders me speechless.

"How do you even know about this place?" I say, staring straight ahead at the stars above the flowers.

"Years of being assigned on planet checks," he wraps his arms around my waist as I lean into his chest, holding onto his hands as I do. "I had a really weird dream the other night, you know?"

"Yeah? What about?" his chin rests on the top of my head and in that moment, I never want it to end.

"My mom," he kisses my temple as he sighs contently. "She came to me when I was having a nap in the pilot's room-"

"You were sleeping on the job, Commander?" I jab fun at him. "Sorry, carry on,"

"She told me she was proud of me and that she thought you were my person," he tells me confidently, sending the ever-present butterflies into overdrive in my stomach.

"I wholly agree with her," he squeezes me a little tighter. "You're my person, Poe,"

"And you're mine, Kibo," I tilt my head up to meet his eyes and he leans down slightly to press a gentle but meaningful kiss on my waiting lips. However, the sweet moment is interrupted by a persistent beeping from his back pocket. With a groan, he takes out the communicator and opens a message from Jessika that simply reads:

_You and Y/N needed in the hangar._

"Looks like we should probably go to the hangar then, huh?" I state with a small, solemn smile.

He nods apologetically and we start towards the dark hangar hand in hand. However, when we get there, it's completely empty.

"There's no one here," I note obviously. Just as Poe is about to agree, Mom walks out with a confused look on her face. "Pava called you out too?"

"Yeah, told me it was urgent," her eyes are tinted red. She's been crying, I can tell.

Just as we are about to leave in separate directions, we notice a golden hue begin to surround the direction of where the Falcon is. Looking at each other confusingly, we head towards the ship.

Turning around the corner, we are greeted by potentially the entire base standing in front of the ship with a candle each in their hands. Rey and Jess stand at the front, both with wet eyes.

"What's all this?" I choke out, feeling my eyes starting to glass over. I instinctively take Mom's hand and squeeze it supportively.

"Han Solo meant something to each and every one of us, big or small. His bravery and wits is what allowed us to even be where we are now. His loss is a great one that has impacted everyone he graced his presence with," Jessika tells us, her throat obviously tight as she wipes a tear from her eye quickly. "We wanted to show you exactly how much he means to us, and that you're not alone,"

"I'll start," Rey steps forward, looking me in the eye softly. "Han Solo gave me a feeling of belonging for the first time in a long time,"

"Han Solo inspired me to start flying," Jessika says.

"Han Solo kept up my spirits when my sister went MIA," a man speaks up, a woman - probably his sister - hugging him from the side.

"Han Solo was the first real pilot I ever met,"

"Han Solo lent me the Falcon one time and fought alongside me in the battle of Jakku," Snap speaks up, reminding me of the stories he told about before even Ben was born.

This continues for a while, small descriptions of how my Father helped all these people in one way or the other. Tales of bravery and wit, truly showing me and Mom how much he meant to the people around us.

By the time the last person has spoken, there isn't a dry eye left. Happy and sad tear tracks have stained my face long ago, same for Mom who i'm now holding close. Chewie comes out from the crowd after heartbreakingly explaining how Dad gave him a family after he thought he had lost everything. In his paws, a huge bouquet of Jewba flowers - native flowers to Corellia. Everyone takes one and places it at the hatch of the Falcon under an old framed image of him standing in the entryway, a big smile gracing his young face.

"He really appreciated all of you," I tell them truthfully, now standing in the centre of the group. "And I do too. Together, we will continue on his legacy and generations from now will still be telling his story of the lost boy from Corellia who found his place in the galaxy and did everything he could to make it a better place for everyone else,"

A chorus of agreement surrounds the hangar. Pilots, ground fighters, janitors, command centre workers, cooks, men, women and children alike, all celebrating the life my Father had. They surround the Falcon in a circle with the candles and they burn brightly, just like he did.

"Now, let's go celebrate our victory with a drink!" I exclaim, the base cheering in joy in reply.

In a large group effort, lights are strung up, drinks are brought out and snacks are made. Within the late hour, the hangar is filled with joy and excitement for the future. I, on the other hand, have decided to distance myself a little for a breather and now find myself sat in the pilot's seat of the Falcon, lucky golden dice in my hand and falling from one palm to the other idly.

I sit up and press some buttons, pulling up the hologram videos from over the years. The first few show a much younger version of Dad and Uncle Lando, Lando showing him how to use the system. I chuckle as I watch them argue over something unintelligible.

The system serves as a bit of a diary from his first years of flying the ship; documentations of what's happened in the day or who he's met are pushed into 1 minute or less videos.

Eventually, they slow down and the more familiar faces of Mom and Luke appear on the system doing mundane things like trying to wield a saber and failing miserably, or taking a shot in celebration of something happening - those ones are always between the group of four boys.

They show Dad excitedly giving updates to no one particular on where Mom was in her pregnancy or something he considered an achievement when we were kids, like a first smile or him holding us and stopping our cries.

There were videos of Ben and I, kids messing about with the panel, pretending to be pilots - that is, before Dad comes in and they're speedily stopped by whoever was closest. The number next to the thumbnail showing that those ones are the most watched. I smile, laughing lightly as I watch the videos progress along with us. The hair on Dad's head getting more and more grey strands each time, Ben and I's hair getting longer, our faces losing the childhood glow and becoming matured with time.

The videos stop for a while, only once at the end of each year with an update on how everything is with him, the ship and us back in the house in Naboo after we moved for Mom's work. Then they go blank for 9 years when the Falcon was stolen.

But there's another. One more simply titled: _For Y/N._ It was recorded yesterday, before the mission began and everything went wrong. I hesitantly hover over the title before braving it and clicking the video.

Like in so many other videos, there he is, sitting in the pilot's seat with his unsure face, wondering if it's recording.

"Hey Tiger, if you have found this video it means that either I haven't been able to delete it in time or something has gone wrong on the mission. I don't normally do this sort of thing and honestly I feel very awkward but your Mom said I should and she's normally right about this sort of thing," he sighs, staying silent for a moment. "I really have no idea what to say, you know? I've never done one of these things before for something so depressing. Anyways, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I promised to you when you were born that I would never let anything hurt you and that I would keep you safe dead or alive and i'm sticking to that promise,"

"I'll never forget how your first word was 'Falcon'. I wanted it to be 'Mom' so badly because you were always attached to my hip and you would calm down only if I held you but you might have as well hated your Mother. Obviously you two are very close now so that kinda makes up for it. I'm sorry that for so long I've been absent, I've not exactly been the best Dad to you. Or to Ben,"

"That's not true," I respond under my breath, as if I was actually telling him.

"I know you'll disagree and argue with me over that, but it's true; I haven't been the best Dad I could've been. But I need you to know that everything I did, I did it for you. To make the galaxy a better place for you to grow up and live your life and for anyone else that comes into your life. When we were in high stakes missions, I would hold the friendship bracelet you gave me when you were what? 7? You told me that I was your best friend and that I always would be and I told you the same, and it's true. You're the best friend, daughter, person I know and don't you ever forget that. I wouldn't want anyone else to have my last name,"

"I know that I won't be able to be there for any of your big things anymore and it breaks my heart that I won't be able to be there for your wedding, or be able to meet your kids if you ever have them but you should know that I will always be there, from a distance, watching over you like your guardian or however the fuck your Mom would describe it,"

I laugh as he chuckles, wiping a slipping tear from his eye.

"I love you, I don't think I have ever loved anything more than you and your brother. You're what has kept me grounded, ironic considering that I fly a ship for a living."

"I want you to forgive him for everything he's done. I know that it will be hard and he might not exactly deserve your forgiveness - scrap that, he definitely doesn't deserve it. But when he comes home, he'll need you. When he does, there's a video for him too. I want you to give it to him. He's in there, I might not admit it often but I know it,"

"So, I'll end with this. Whatever has happened to me, I am always, forever going to be by your side every step of the way. Take care of Chewie and your Mom for me; they don't like to show that they're upset but they are and you're the best person at being able to tell if someone is upset or not. I know you well enough that you're going to blame yourself for what's happened, don't. It could never be your fault. I know I can be at peace, you're safe, you have people around you who love you immensely and you're stronger than anyone I know - physically and mentally."

"I want you to take this ship as yours, you call the shots now and Maker knows you'll do the right thing. If you can somehow repay my debts that'd be great too,"

"That was a joke, you definitely don't have to do that Honey. Just deal with anyone that tries to make you in the way you know best. Keep Rey and the Kid close, they'll need you too. I might not be able to see you do things like getting married or become a Mom but I am _so_ honoured to have been able to see you grow up to be the strong independent woman you are - and that's probably thanks to your Mom - and even seeing you in love. I know how you and that pilot feel for each other, I can see it in your eyes. It was the same look me and your Mother had for each other."

"Don't feel sad, I don't like it when you're sad. I never used to believe in the force but now I do and I think that everything happens for a reason. So, you're getting this and i'm probably gone but be happy because i've had an amazing life that I definitely didn't deserve. You go get back your Uncle, look after your Mom and my wookie, keep those two kids out of mischief and I'll see you again when the right time comes. I love you, Tiger. And I always will."

Just as I'm about to turn off the recording it starts back up again.

"PS, you'll suit that jacket much more than I ever would. There's probably lots more things I want you to take back in Naboo. Go do great things, kiddo,"

Then everything is silent. Apart from the pulsating music coming from a short distance away in the main hangar, everything is bittersweetly silent. I close my eyes, basking in the moment. It's not until a firm hand places itself on my knee, stroking the clothed skin gently.

"You ok, Kibo?" Poe asks as I open my eyes, giving him a convincing nod and a smile.

"Yeah, I will be,"


	23. 23 - Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get weird in your mind, and that makes things start to get tense in reality...

**_ Chapter 23 _ **

When morning came, everything felt like it was back to normal despite the hangovers some of us were sporting not-so-gracefully. Everything except the fact that today was the day that Rey and Chewie and Artoo would be leaving with the Falcon.

We know where Luke is and that's _such_ a relief but knowing him as well as I do, he's stubborn and we have no idea how long it'll take for him to cave in and come back to what he does best.

Rey was silently shitting herself. It showed quite apparently in the many messages she had sent me through my hours of slumber. Whereas I slept in my room with Poe as it happens every night, she spent her first night on the base next to Finn's side.

The messages in question varied from: _I can't do this, I'm not ready._

To: _I'm the only person who can do this, right?_

And it's true - she was the only person who could do this. In such a time like this when there is a literal war going on and the threat of attack around every corner now we have successfully destroyed the Star Killer base, no one else could possibly take the time to up and leave on such short notice. So, the best thing we could do was allow her to go with two others who would help convince Luke who also weren't a strict part of the Resistance.

Waking up felt strange. It felt like I should've felt differently, but it didn't. There was a cold space next to me - which earned a groan in response to my inability to snuggle into my own personal human heater. But the shower is on, he's not far.

Without much of a word being said, I get out of bed, go to the bathroom and simply get in the shower with him after taking off my - well, his - t-shirt that covered my body. The only sound surrounding the two of us as we exchange a good morning kiss and wash off the events of the last few days, taking extra care of my wounded shoulder, is the water hitting the floor and our skin and the gentle hum of an old song Poe is singing.

He gets out first, giving me a bit of peace I didn't realise I needed so badly until now. It's been months since I last had a nightmare of the night of the massacre. Although Kaiya's face is still burned into my mind, nothing as aggressive happens anymore. I guess I have Poe to thank for that - turns out that after years of medications, therapy and meditations, the only thing I really needed was for someone to come and sweep me off my feet.

Eventually finishing off cleaning myself, I get out and change into my normal base clothes.

"When do you think we will be back out flying?" I ask him as I put on a shirt, silently looking in the mirror and noticing how much weight I've lost over the last week or so.

"When we need to," he stands up from my bed and wraps his arms around my waist, leaning his chin in the crook of my neck as he presses a soft kiss to the skin behind my ear. "That's the life of a pilot, doll,"

"I know, I'm just getting antsy now it's been a while since being in my x-wing," I place my hand on his cheek, stroking his five o'clock shadow that tickles my collarbone. "I'd be thankful for a supply run at this point,"

"I want to fly a TIE again," he says bluntly as my face contorts into an expression of confusion.

"Babe, you almost died trying," I laugh in disbelief.

"But it would've been a cool way to go, let's be honest!" he exclaims in a very over-the-top manner. "I would've died a happy man: flying a cool ass ship, a hot babe and an awesome droid,"

"Ok, Cassanova," I pat his cheek with a wink as I put on Dad's jacket. "Let's go see Rey and my Uncle off,"

We walk down together. All the pilots are there looking over their own ships, others milling around doing whatever they have to. We approach the Falcon - a bittersweet sight - and see Mom giving her goodbyes to Rey and our favourite Wookie.

When she catches my eye, her anxious smile widens. I separate from Poe and make my way towards her, engulfing her in a hug that meant so much with so little words.

"I know you'll be on a desolate island in the unknown regions but I _will_ find a way to talk to you," I assure her, mumbling into her tied up hair.

"You better," her hand holds the back of my neck protectively. "Who else will you have to tell about every little - but adorable - thing Poe does?"

"I don't know and I'm definitely not telling my Mother," we laugh together and I sniffle. She pulls from the embrace with a crinkle in her brow. Lifting her hand to my face, she wipes a hot tear I didn't even realise had escaped.

"I'll see you again, I promise you," I nod, hugging her quickly once again.

"I'll miss you though," an idea, a crazy one but an idea nonetheless, pops into my head and I take her hand in mine.

"What are you doing?" she asks as I focus on my energies.

"I'm trying to trigger some sort of connection between us," I squeeze her hands slightly. "This way you and I can talk whenever we need to and you won't just have some beeping machine to light your way hope,"

I don't see her agree but she obviously does as the strangest sensation of our energies mixing begins to surge between us. It feels like electricity, unlike anything i've ever felt before. It's like when you lean on your foot for too long and it feels like it's buzzing. Painful, but in a weirdly pleasant and calming way.

There's a shock that sparks between our connected hands and we snap apart in surprise. We look at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter and encasing one another in yet another hug. You know when you meet someone and you feel like you've known them your entire life? Or in a past one at least? That's how I feel about Rey.

"You'll be ok," I tell her, snuggling slightly into the crook of her neck.

"And so will you," Looking at her face, her expression has turned sad and I understand what she is meaning. I nod and she raises her hand to my cheek, leaning in to press a sisterly kiss to my forehead. "This isn't goodbye,"

"It better not be," I nudge her arm and she laughs. "I know you can do it, you always could,"

She nods uncertainly, obviously pondering over her late night anxieties she had last night.

"May the Force be with you, Always,"

"And with you," And with that, she gives me one final smile, a reassuring nod and disconnects our hands before walking off towards the ship.

She goes into the Falcon just as Chewie approaches me. He stands silently for a moment before wrapping his huge arms around my much smaller frame. He has never failed to make me feel like the smallest person in the galaxy.

He growls an apology for hurting my shoulder.

"You could never hurt me, Chewie. I know that much," he tugs me in further and I attempt to wrap my arms around his giant body - Maker knows he needs it.

I can hear (and feel) him sigh as he holds me tight and we bask in the moment. We've both just lost someone immensely important to us and hopefully anyone around us knows not to interrupt. Who knows when we might see each other again, nevermind what will happen in between now and then.

He mutters a yowl of "I should be going,"

I nod into his thick fur. "Come back soon," I tell him.

We separate and he pats me on the head, not harshly but enough to ruin my tied back hair. He always did that when I was a kid.

Mom comes to stand next to my side and she takes his huge hand and pats the top of it with her smaller one. It's smiles all around - whether those are sad, happy or somewhere in between, no one knows.

He gives one last promise that he'll keep my ship safe and I shake my head.

"Our ship, Chewie," I nod to him.

"I reckon I should be going into retirement soon too," he growls and we chuckle.

"Hey, don't say that. You've only just turned 234," I laugh and he growls in a way that can be interpreted as a laugh too. "Now go,"

He takes one last lingering look at us before turning and getting on that ship, waving once more before the hatch closes.

It only seems like a second after that that the ship takes off and their mission begins.

It feels like the end of one chapter. But the start of a whole entire new one.

And based off of the events of the last few weeks, no one in the galaxy could predict what's coming next.

No one at all.

****

I don't think it was until later that same night when everything truly hit. When I had that moment alone, I sat in my room, with no appetite and no will to sleep.

I was sitting on the chair at my desk whilst Poe was sound asleep. Lucky bastard.

It wasn't until I felt a stinging in my palm and then felt a warm substance dripping from my hand that I even realised how hard I'd been clenching my fist. I slowly and emotionlessly look down at my hand and see a hefty drip of my own blood protruding out of a crescent moon shaped opening in my skin.

It barely even feels like anything. A slight stinging but nothing worse than when you chew on your lip and don't notice it bleeding until you taste it. In some strange, slightly sickening way, it almost feels... I don't know. Good? Freeing.

I swallow harshly and it feels acidic and viscous. I unwillingly clench my teeth and blink in a panicked sort of way. That's when I feel myself standing up and leaving my room in nothing but a vest top and some thin military provided pyjama bottoms.

I don't even feel my feet moving anymore. It's strange. I know that i'm moving, but I feel as though i'm watching myself from a distance, walking out of the accommodation block and into the muddy but dry base.

It's almost terrifying how emotionless I feel. My heart feels as though it's about to pound out of my chest. Yet, my brain isn't keeping up with the anxious way my heart is beating. It feels empty.

I can feel twigs snapping harshly under my feet and I stop where I'm standing.

The woods.

I look around and note that the base's lights are barely visible with how far in I am. But then everything around me turns black except from the thick and thin trees. And my feet feel cold on top of snow. And my breath fogs up in front of me. And my heart feels as though it comes to a stop.

And then there's the deafening sound of a broken saber turning on and crackling viciously.

I turn slowly and see the tall, dark figure, looming and ready to attack its prey. It stalks towards me and I step back, right into the trunk of a tree. A dry sob wracks through my chest in terror as the bright red reflects onto the pale freckled face I once cared for so much.

But this time, he has a long scar protruding bloodily down the right side of his face.

My rapid breaths from my heavy lungs suddenly come to a stop as he lifts his hand. I clutch my throat as he steps closer, squeaking out a "Ben, please," as he begins to bring the corrupted saber closer to my bare neck.

Hot tears pour down my face unapologetically. I look dead into his eyes as I feel his grip tighten and the burning heat get closer to my exposed throat.

I scream as I feel the saber begin to singe my skin and that's when I drop to the floor of the woods in D'Qar. Tears are still rapidly falling down my face as I pull my knees up to my face and feel myself absently starting to rock.

My eyes are wide, my breathing rapid enough that I think I might pass out, and I also feel my brain catching up to the speed of my heart.

_What in the Hell just happened to me?_

I bring my hands shakily up to my neck where it still feels warm from the heat of the saber, but I don't know if that's just my mind playing tricks on me anymore.

I feel sobs begin to wrack through my chest and I lay my head on my knees. _Why is this happening? Again? Why has my deranged, monster of a brother once again ruined my sleep?_

I can hear my teeth chattering, but whether that's from anxiety or the night chill I don't know.

"Y/N?" I hear out of nowhere and I scream in fear as I jump and begin to desperately back away from the direction the voice came in. "Hey, hey! You're ok," the voice gets closer and more familiar as they drop to the ground and wrap their arms around me. "Baby, you're ok,"

"Poe?" I whimper out weakly, still shaking in fear.

"I'm here, you're ok, estas bien, mi Amor," I grab onto his arms blindly and hold them tightly as he wraps them around my fragile body, resting my head on his chest. "Just focus on my heartbeat, ok Kibo?"

I nod and try to do as he says as I claw at his exposed arms. He whispers soothing words as I listen to the continuous beat of his heart, tears falling slower down my stained cheeks.

"You're freezing Amor, we need to get you back inside before you catch something," he strokes my hair softly and I nod timidly. He helps me stand, my knees feel weak and shaky but I will myself to power through it.

He holds me close as we walk, having the same worry as me that I may just crumple onto the floor. We finally get back to our room but the energy is tense rather than calming like it normally is.

I lie down on my side of the bed and close my eyes, willing myself to fall asleep. Poe on the other hand, is pacing the length of the room with his hands in his hair.

He stops and sighs, watching me as I lay on my side.

"I love you, but what the hell was that?" he asks carefully, a tone of irritation coursing through his voice.

"I don't know," I reply, not opening my eyes. "Can we just go back to sleep, please?"

"Do you know that BB alerts whoever is there when someone enters or leaves the room?" he says calmly but I can practically hear his heart racing.

"I do now," I mumble, starting to feel myself drifting off.

"Seriously, Y/N, you _know_ that D'Qar is getting colder again - what were you even thinking?" he begins to ramble stressfully and my breathing gets heavier until I finally break.

"Poe, please! I don't want to talk about it right now!" I snap, sitting up in my bed and glaring at him. "I don't know what happened, but what I do know is that I want to go to sleep!"

" _Fine_ , fine!" He gets under the covers with a huff and we turn our backs from each other.

For the first time since our relationship began, we don't hold one another through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lil chapter spam is finished! If you've made it this far before i've updated further, just know that I update every Sunday (same with Wattpad) so subscribe and keep an eye out for new chapters! You aren't even ready for what I have planned ;)


	24. 24 - Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get tense up in the love department...

**_Chapter 24_ **

When morning finally came around, Poe was surprisingly still asleep. His little tantrum must have tuckered him out, poor thing.

I get out of bed and do my normal routine before turning on BB-8 and quietly greeting him.  _ Snitch,  _ I think momentarily but erase the thought from my head. It’s not his fault, he’s just trying to keep us safe. 

I tell him to tell Poe that i’ve gone to breakfast, and I hesitantly add on ‘We’ll talk later’. 

I leave and enter the grub hall which - thankfully - doesn't have many in yet. I grab a mug of stale caffeine and some toast and sit down in my corner. I take out my flower book - which I mentally note I haven’t actually opened in a long while - but quickly snap it shut when I find myself opening to the Kibo page. 

I push the book away from me as if it is some kind of food that a kid wouldn’t like. With a sigh, I take a sip of my caffeine and open up my data pad. I scroll through my messages, replying to the ones that I need to reply to. And that doesn’t include Snap’s memes he shares to the Black Squadron group chat. Though I do find myself laughing at a few of them. 

Whilst I'm doing nothing of great importance, I seem to get distracted by another nagging thought that’s been circling my mind. Jessa. 

I type in her name, age, place of birth, mother and father’s name, hoping to find something; anything. But alas, she’s blank.

And I don’t blame her. She probably heard about the massacre and decided to go underground, much like any of Luke’s other graduates. If I had the choice I probably would’ve done the same. 

In frustration, I push the bottoms of my palms into my eyes and only notice then how extraordinarily tired I am. I mean, more tired than you usually are on an army base anyways. I guess Poe isn’t the only one who’s tuckered themself out from the argument. 

Despite telling BB-8 that we would talk later, I really have no desire whatsoever to actually talk about what happened with Poe. I don’t know why, I just feel like he maybe wouldn’t understand. He’s new to the whole force thing, he couldn’t possibly know how to deal with these sorts of things. In the nicest way possible, flying is his thing, not the force. 

“Y/N?” Jess’ voice says softly, sitting in the seat in front of me. “You’ve been here for an hour already, are you ok?”

“Oh, yeah. I-i’m fine,” I glance at my datapad and realise that it has indeed been an hour and my caffeine is now a  _ lovely _ chilled drink instead. 

“Are you sure? Do you want me to get Leia or Poe-?”

“No!” I interrupt but quickly regret it.  _ She’s only trying to help.  _ “I’m sorry. I just don’t really want to talk to him at this moment.”

“Am I allowed to ask if everything is going ok?”

“He’s just acting like a child right now. And not wrongfully so, it’s just frustrating.”

“More than usual?” she stifles a laugh and I feel my lips curling upwards.

“Somehow, yes,” I give her a smile before we both stand up and get rid of our waste. Standing outside of the canteen, she looks at me and sighs before pulling me into a comforting hug.

She doesn’t say anything but her thoughts are loud enough.  _ “Poor girl just lost her dad and her brother is on the dark side and now her boyfriend is being a dick. Looks like Kare and I will be having words with Dameron later on.” _

I have to stop myself from laughing - the force has gotten me into trouble like that before. 

“I’ll talk with him later, don’t worry about it,” I reassure her and she nods and pulls away, looking at me kindly before ruffling my hair. I pout and groan, trying to flatten my now frizzy hair whilst she laughs as she walks away and towards the hangar. 

I begin a checklist in my head of anything I could possibly do right now before realising that I would normally just hang out with Poe on days like this. There’s  _ literally  _ nothing to do. 

Instead, I make my way towards HQ to see Mom and see if there’s anything I can do there to waste my time. I smile and say hi to everyone I go past, feeling hyper aware of the possibility of Poe’s presence. 

“Hey Mom,” I knock on the office door and smile at her.

However, she just stares at me, glaring a little. “What’s wrong?” she says eventually.

“Nothing,” I laugh nervously. “Just want to say hi.”

“You’re lying. Sit,” she gestures to the seat across from her desk and locks the door behind me. I do as she says and suddenly I feel like I'm back in therapy appointments with the way we are set up. “Talk.”

“I had a weird dream last night and Poe is treating me like a child because of it despite acting like a child himself,” she nods a few times before clearing her throat.

“He told me you were wandering in the forest with no clue of what you were doing. Explain.” 

“He already came to you? What a little bitch,” I seethe with a huff. She raises her brow expectantly and I continue with a sigh. “Yes, I must’ve sleepwalked and ended up in the forest but I don’t see why it’s such a big deal! These things have happened before, you know that.”

“I do. Which is why i’ll be putting a lock on your door that’ll lock when you come in and only unlock when you put a code in,” she scribbles something onto her notepad before looking back up at me. “What was your dream about?”

“Kylo,” she seems to freeze for a second before bobbing her head slowly. Probably thinking  _ ‘not again’ _ . “We were back in the forest on the StarKiller base, but he was winning.”

“You’re lucky that Poe found you-”

“I know.”

“So why are you arguing and avoiding each other like ten year olds?”

I stop and think for a moment. We’ve argued before because what couple doesn’t? But those times it’s ended one of two ways: the “I’m sorry, I love you” and a hug, or… well, you know. Not that i’m complaining either way. But this is new territory, for both of us.

“Because ever since we got back from the mission, he’s treated me like I'm made of glass and it makes me feel weak. And sure, I'm not in my best mental state now after… everything. But I need him there for me, and to not act like I could break at the tiniest off comment. Because I won’t.”

“You think he doesn’t understand you? What you’re going through? He might’ve been young but he’s lost a parent too, let him in. As for the force and all your other so-called ‘baggage’: help him to understand,” she puts down her pen and takes my hand in hers. “In a relationship, it isn’t you against him. It is you and him against the issue. So try talking to Rey, clear your mind, and talk it through with him, ok?”

I nod and stand up, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before saying my goodbyes and exiting HQ to go to the training room in an attempt to find a quiet space to talk with Rey.

It isn’t long before I've sat down and begin focusing on clearing my mind and making contact with her from across the galaxy. I feel the tingling that I felt when we initiated the connection going up and down my spine.

“Y/N?” her voice is echoed but definitely there. I put more energy into the connection and open my eyes and suddenly she’s standing in the room.

“Rey!” I jump up and we hug each other, a smile gracing our previously stressed faces as we laugh together. “How are you? How’s Luke? And my ship? And Chewie?”

“I’m great, So is your ship and Chewie. Luke is… difficult. I can see which side of the family you get that from,” I look at her face as I cup her cheeks in my hands. “He asked about you, you know?”

“He did?” She nods and we sit across from each other. 

“Hasn’t stopped since he realised Chewie and the Falcon were here without-” she clears her throat and I nod with a sigh. “I think he would be easier to convince if you came with us.”

“Well tell him I say hi and I miss and love him,” she promises she will and we get set off into easy conversation.

“And the boys are ok?”

“Finn is healing quickly, he’s getting the best care possible. The doctors think he could be awake by the end of the week.”

“And Poe?”

I clear my throat and nod. “He’s good too.”

“What’s happened?”

“I swear you and my Mother can see right through me,” I mutter but she hears, chuckling a little as she takes my hand. “We’re arguing at the moment.”

“Why?”

So, I explain. And she stays silent throughout my whole rant and waits until I've finished to say something. 

“I think you just need to talk. Tell him the truth, don’t downplay your situation. He’s only able to support you if he knows exactly what’s happening,” she explains calmly. 

“It’s funny how you’ve never been in a relationship, yet you always know what to say when it comes to mine,” I chuckle and she smiles, shaking her head. 

“It’s just one of my many talents. Now go, talk to him and tell me how it goes when you next can,” we share another hug before she fades away and i suddenly feel quite fait from the exertion, but prepared to face my man-child.

I quickly get a drink of water and head up to the hangar, looking around for any sign of him or BB-8 anywhere.

“Hey Snap?” I approach him at his ship, being careful not to startle him as he works on something underneath. 

“Hey kiddo, you good?” he rolls out and ruffles my hair.  _ What is it with my teammates ruffling my hair?  _

“Yeah, I'm just looking for Poe,” he motions for one of his tools and I pass it to him. 

“Oh, he was looking for you about half an hour ago, said you guys needed to talk or something?” his energy becomes nervous and his eyes frantically search my face. “Did you guys break up? Am I never going to be Uncle Snap?”

“No!” I stop him quickly and he sighs in relief, nodding as he turns back to his ship. “Just need to talk some things out.”

“I remember when Kare and I had our first proper argument. I also remember the aftermath of that, if you know what I mean?” He nudges my side and winks, making silly ‘huh?’ noises as he does. “I think he’s in the locker room packing up his stuff for the end of the day.”

_ The end of the day? Since when?  _ Kriff, it is already. 

“Thanks Snap, you coming for a drink later?” he nods and then i’m on my way towards the squad's assigned lockers in hopes of finding him. 

Thankfully - or maybe not - I can hear gentle conversation coming from BB-8 and Poe and I knock on the door. 

“Come in!” I hear him and our droid reply at the same time. I hesitantly open the door and it isn’t long before BB is circling my feet, beeping happily at my presence. 

“Hey buddy,” I crouch down to him and touch our heads together for a moment before standing up, straightening out, and coming eye to eye with Poe. “Hey.”

“So you’re going to stop avoiding me now?” he turns back to his locker and starts to harshly put things either in or out of it. I ignore his bitter tone and take a step towards him.

“I’m sorry about last night, I don’t know what happened,” I tell him truthfully. He pauses his actions and huffs, muttering something under his breath. “We can’t sort this out if you don’t tell me what you’re thinking.”

“We can’t sort this out if you don’t tell me why the  _ hell  _ I found you in the middle of the woods having a panic attack at Maker knows what time in the morning!” he snaps and i’m taken aback. “I’m sorry for shouting and getting angry but you can’t expect me to be calm and collected when my girlfriend won’t tell me what the  _ fuck  _ is wrong!” 

“I must’ve sleepwalked! I used to do it all the time and stress must’ve brought it back on,” I tell him, trying to keep my voice calm and clear.

“From me?” he asks accusingly. 

_ Tell him the truth… _

“Partially!” I finally break, as does my voice. “Ever since the attack you’ve treated me like glass and i don’t like it, it makes me feel weak and i’m  _ not  _ weak!”

He mutters something yet again under his breath and I start to get agitated.

“What are you saying, Poe?”

“Do you want space?” he finally turns to me, his eyes red and tired, cheeks blotchy. And i’m sure I don’t look much different.

“What?”

“Do you want space? I can request you to be transferred to another squad if that’s what you’re wanting, even just temporarily,” he runs his hand through his hair as I stare at him in astonishment. 

“Never have I said - nor suggested - in this whole situation that I want space! Do you want space? Is that what this is about? Taking the easy way out?” 

“No! I just want to know that you’re ok, and you’re obviously not!”

“I am!”

“Then what. Happened. In. the. Forest!” I take a deep breath as I rub my face.

“I was having a nightmare. I don’t know where it came from nor why I had it. I felt conscious the whole time but I couldn’t control myself until I woke up and then you were there. Happy?”

“What was it about?” his tone softens. 

“My brother. We were having the fight on StarKiller base, but he was winning,” I answer honestly. He nods. “Now answer my question: is it you who’s wanting space? Because never have I  _ once  _ suggested that  _ I did _ .”

“Of course not! I love you Kibo and I know that there’s a lot about you that I don’t and probably could never understand. But I want to. I want to understand what’s going on but I can’t do that or help you if you’re being a stuck-up, stubborn  _ bitch _ ,” my jaw goes slack but then clenches as I take in his harsh words. He seems as though he can’t even believe those words came out of his own mouth. “Baby-”

“No,” I begin to walk away to my locker to grab my spare clothing bag, fully expecting to be staying in my Mom or Jessika’s room tonight considering he has the code for my room.

“Y/N, please-”

“No!” I feel my lip begin to quiver but quickly bite it to stop it. “You meant it. And that’s fine. Maybe you  _ do  _ need space.”

“I don't- I don’t want space. I want you and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” I feel my hands subconsciously raising the chain around my neck and he gasps emotionally, shaking his head aggressively. “No, baby don’t you dare take off that chain.”

He grabs my hands as our eyes fill with tears. 

“I won’t, I just want to give you time to think,” I place my hand on his cheek and he leans into my touch - something that’s normally such a sweet sight to see, has turned sour very quickly. “I’ll stay somewhere else tonight, give you some room to think and then we can talk tomorrow.”

He presses a kiss to my palm and we both close our eyes, taking a moment to savour this before it could turn bad. 

“Um, guys?” Caydel rushes into the lockers and we separate quickly, wiping at our eyes. “We’re evacuating base.”

_ Well shit then. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a break until the end of the month for mental health reasons as I had stated a couple weeks ago on Wattpad. I'll be back before you know it!! 
> 
> In other news, this is where the end of book 1 would be if I made the ultimate decision to split it into different books but anyways...
> 
> I have SO much planned for you all ;)


End file.
